Another issue has come up...

[Raisingmaddy]

What is the name of your state- Washington

My other thread has been locked and I have another question. The judge made it crystal clear in court that my ex HAS to inform ME by "some kind of electronic device who will be picking up the children, prior to them showing up"

The judge actually said "If he doesn't inform you, and the grandparents or anyone else show up to pick up the kids you have every right to shut the door on them and not allow them to pick up the kids"

So...my ex called this morning to chat with the kiddos before I left for work. He spoke to them only. After they got off the phone and hung up my seven year old daughter informed me that daddy told her Nana and Papa will be picking them up Friday evening.

Obviously, it's only Wednesday and if he leaves me a voicemail, text message, or e-mail stating the grandparents will pick up kiddos that would be perfectly fine.

If he doesn't...and they show up do I have to allow it since Dad informed the children and not me?

What do you think?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state- Washington

My other thread has been locked and I have another question. The judge made it crystal clear in court that my ex HAS to inform ME by "some kind of electronic device who will be picking up the children, prior to them showing up"

The judge actually said "If he doesn't inform you, and the grandparents or anyone else show up to pick up the kids you have every right to shut the door on them and not allow them to pick up the kids"

So...my ex called this morning to chat with the kiddos before I left for work. He spoke to them only. After they got off the phone and hung up my seven year old daughter informed me that daddy told her Nana and Papa will be picking them up Friday evening.

Obviously, it's only Wednesday and if he leaves me a voicemail, text message, or e-mail stating the grandparents will pick up kiddos that would be perfectly fine.

If he doesn't...and they show up do I have to allow it since Dad informed the children and not me?

What do you think?

I think you are being petty. Why don't you call dad and ask him outright about what the children say to confirm it? Then you can tell dad to please inform YOU of these things before discussing them with the children.

 

[CJane]

If he didn't inform me by about an hour prior to pick up, I'd avoid the whole issue and just not be home.

 

[Nevergrowup]

The thing is...how would you prove he didn't inform you? He'll have a record of speaking to someone at your house. Perhaps when you go back to court again (which sounds like won't be long) then request it by text or email only, not by voice. You have no proof of anything.

Why was that ordered? Is he late a lot, or inconsistent?

 

[CJane]

The thing is...how would you prove he didn't inform you? He'll have a record of speaking to someone at your house. Perhaps when you go back to court again (which sounds like won't be long) then request it by text or email only, not by voice. You have no proof of anything.

Why was that ordered? Is he late a lot, or inconsistent?

Dad VERY rarely picks up the kids on his Fridays, instead he's been picking them up on Saturdays or sending his parents - who are always hateful to OP.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Ohiogal, I respect and appreciate you and your opinions very much, good or bad but I have to say I am not being petty and even though I don't like it I will absolutely comply with what the judge said. They are playing games with me and the children and it is not right.

I shouldn't have to call Dad, he is supposed to inform me. I think it is absolutely wrong to involve our children in this by setting up things with them instead of me. He tried to schedule this with our seven year old child.

At this point the children know absolutely nothing about what is going on with our adult matters and the outcome of court and that is the way it should be in my opinion. I will not discuss these issues with them whatsoever, and I don't think anyone else should either.

I am expecting a message, text, or e-mail....but if that doesn't happen I think that he should also have to abide by what the judge said.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

The thing is...how would you prove he didn't inform you? He'll have a record of speaking to someone at your house. Perhaps when you go back to court again (which sounds like won't be long) then request it by text or email only, not by voice. You have no proof of anything.

Why was that ordered? Is he late a lot, or inconsistent?

The judge said "by some kind of electronic device" specifically to be able to provide proof. He actually said voicemail, text, or e-mail. And yes, Dad has a long history of not showing up when he is supposed to, but I have always allowed him to pick up the kids whenever he gets into town which is usually the day after is is supposed to.

 

[CJane]

A little role reversal...

If this was dad posting and saying "So, I'm supposed to email/text/leave a vm for my ex to let her know who's picking up the kids if I'm not going to make it. Instead of talking to HER, I left a message with my 7 year old. Can she get in trouble for denying the time I wasn't going to spend with the kids anyway?"

I'm pretty sure we wouldn't say "Wow! That petty little cow!"

 

[Nevergrowup]

Dad VERY rarely picks up the kids on his Fridays, instead he's been picking them up on Saturdays or sending his parents - who are always hateful to OP.

Thanks CJane, I did skim through the other thread but since informing wasn't the focus I kind of skipped through it too fast.

OP, you can't prove he didn't call you. So yes, he should follow what the judge ordered also, but you can't prove he didn't, and it may backfire on you. Ask the judge next time if it can be in text or email ONLY. You also don't want the GPs to be banging on the door or calling the police while your kids are there, so follow CJ's advice if you decide not to send them and don't be home. I just think though that if he has a phone record showing he called your house, you might get smacked down by the judge.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

If he didn't inform me by about an hour prior to pick up, I'd avoid the whole issue and just not be home.

Thank you CJane. Like I said, I am not trying to be petty at all, and I will abide by what the judge said to a T even though I'm not happy about it. I will put on a huge smile for the kids and do what I have to do, I just don't want to let them get away with playing these games and picking and choosing what parts of the judges ruling they should abide by. Heck, they are getting exactly what they wanted, they are just trying to push things even further now.

 

[Nevergrowup]

The judge said "by some kind of electronic device" specifically to be able to provide proof. He actually said voicemail, text, or e-mail. And yes, Dad has a long history of not showing up when he is supposed to, but I have always allowed him to pick up the kids whenever he gets into town which is usually the day after is is supposed to.

I think "electronic device" is subjective though. Although he said voicemail, your ex could easily claim you answered the phone, so why would he leave a voicemail? Just think..."Judge, I didn't leave a voicemail because she answered the phone!" That sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Especially when he'll have proof that he spoke to someone for several minutes.

I think you are in the right...but can you PROVE it?

 

[Raisingmaddy]

A little role reversal...

If this was dad posting and saying "So, I'm supposed to email/text/leave a vm for my ex to let her know who's picking up the kids if I'm not going to make it. Instead of talking to HER, I left a message with my 7 year old. Can she get in trouble for denying the time I wasn't going to spend with the kids anyway?"

I'm pretty sure we wouldn't say "Wow! That petty little cow!"

Haha, I almost spit my coffee on my monitor. Thank you, I needed that!!!

 

[Raisingmaddy]

I think "electronic device" is subjective though. Although he said voicemail, your ex could easily claim you answered the phone, so why would he leave a voicemail? Just think..."Judge, I didn't leave a voicemail because she answered the phone!" That sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Especially when he'll have proof that he spoke to someone for several minutes.

I think you are in the right...but can you PROVE it?

Well, I have an adult witness that was in the same room when he called this morning, talked to the kiddos only and they hung up the phone. My 11 year old daughter answered the phone when he called, they all three talked to him and that was it.

Would that be any help?

 

[Raisingmaddy]

If he didn't inform me by about an hour prior to pick up, I'd avoid the whole issue and just not be home.

I just want to add that I COMPLETELY agree with you on this one. I would not create or allow any kind of scene with the grandparents in front of my kids.

 

[tornado88]

OP, is this dad's weekend? In your last thread you were talking about how GPs were asking you to confirm a Friday pickup time and you were saying it wasn't Dad's time. If it's your weekend it doesn't matter if Dad set up pickup with your child, it's still your time.