Answers Please

[huntersmommy06]

What is the name of your state? Florida

Recently, my ex husband informed me that he was arrested for driving his vehicle with a suspended driver license and no insurance. He has been behind in Child Support since March and is having financial difficulties that just keep snowballing.

Obviously, he cannot drive his truck with our son in the vehicle. This creates a slight problem I could use advice on. He live's 2 1/2 hours away and currently we have been meeting half way every weekend for visitation. Plain and simple, I can not afford to drive our son to his place every weekend. I'm barely scraping by now as he has been late in CS. Visitation is set for every weekend and court ordered to meet him halfway.

I know it would be the "right" thing to do to do the driving so my son could see his dad, but I am not financially able to do this. Can I get in any legal trouble if I do not drive him all the way every weekend? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I will check back a little later as I have to get my son from school.

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Florida

Recently, my ex husband informed me that he was arrested for driving his vehicle with a suspended driver license and no insurance. He has been behind in Child Support since March and is having financial difficulties that just keep snowballing.

Obviously, he cannot drive his truck with our son in the vehicle. This creates a slight problem I could use advice on. He live's 2 1/2 hours away and currently we have been meeting half way every weekend for visitation. Plain and simple, I can not afford to drive our son to his place every weekend. I'm barely scraping by now as he has been late in CS. Visitation is set for every weekend and court ordered to meet him halfway.

I know it would be the "right" thing to do to do the driving so my son could see his dad, but I am not financially able to do this. Can I get in any legal trouble if I do not drive him all the way every weekend? Any advice is greatly appreciated.


I will check back a little later as I have to get my son from school.

Technically DAD needs to find a ride to the halfway point with obviously a licensed driver. You need to explain the situation to dad and as long as YOU meet the order then you are fine. I agree it would be best if you could take the child all the way but as long as you follow the court order you are in no way in any shape or form in contempt.

What I would do is keep in touch with dad on this one and keep records as to if he intends to exercise visitation. I dont' mean to keep the records to use them against him for not utilizing visitation but records as to whether he intends to exercise visitation or not so that when you are not at the half way point to meet him then you are not in contempt.

Now, the next issue that will arise is that since dad cannot obviously drive do you have to release the child to someone else if he sends someone in his place. That is dependant on your court order and your own personal feelings.

 

[Ithildriel]

Will dad help with gas?

Maybe you fill up before you leave, then have him fill you up when you get to his place?

 

[Mbarr77]

Technically DAD needs to find a ride to the halfway point with obviously a licensed driver. You need to explain the situation to dad and as long as YOU meet the order then you are fine. I agree it would be best if you could take the child all the way but as long as you follow the court order you are in no way in any shape or form in contempt.

What I would do is keep in touch with dad on this one and keep records as to if he intends to exercise visitation. I dont' mean to keep the records to use them against him for not utilizing visitation but records as to whether he intends to exercise visitation or not so that when you are not at the half way point to meet him then you are not in contempt.

Now, the next issue that will arise is that since dad cannot obviously drive do you have to release the child to someone else if he sends someone in his place. That is dependant on your court order and your own personal feelings.

Question tigger: for my own personal knowledge....what if dad shows up driving himself, to exercise visitation. does mother have to release the child to him knowing his license is suspended?

 

[tigger22472]

Will dad help with gas?

Maybe you fill up before you leave, then have him fill you up when you get to his place?

Good idea. I did that once. My ex was required to do visitation transportation and he wasn't paying support nor was he in the position to provide transportation. I lived about a hour away and he paid my gas for visitation.

 

[tigger22472]

Question tigger: for my own personal knowledge....what if dad shows up driving himself, to request visitation. does mother have to release the child to him knowing his license is suspended?

That's sticky. Technically mom would be in contempt if she didn't release the children... HOWEVER, that could be fought easily because the other side of that is that if she allows the children to go with him then she could be found for neglect. A nice little digital camera would come in handy in those situations...

If it were me, no I would not release the children. We all have to remember that there is not a magical contempt fairy that comes along and automatically file against those in contempt. In this situation the father would have to file against mom, mom could in turn show that he does not have a license etc... On top of this the fact that dad isn't paying support will often times prevent them from filing.

Now, I dont' want to seem to put out the idea that I do not believe dad doesn't deserve to see the children or that CS and visitation are the same but in the same respect, all parents have the obligation to be responsible.

 

[Mbarr77]

That's sticky. Technically mom would be in contempt if she didn't release the children... HOWEVER, that could be fought easily because the other side of that is that if she allows the children to go with him then she could be found for neglect. A nice little digital camera would come in handy in those situations...

If it were me, no I would not release the children. We all have to remember that there is not a magical contempt fairy that comes along and automatically file against those in contempt. In this situation the father would have to file against mom, mom could in turn show that he does not have a license etc... On top of this the fact that dad isn't paying support will often times prevent them from filing.

Now, I dont' want to seem to put out the idea that I do not believe dad doesn't deserve to see the children or that CS and visitation are the same but in the same respect, all parents have the obligation to be responsible.

I understand completely...you were just covering all bases!! I was just wondering what her rights would be if he tries to drive himself...Thanks for the answer!!

 

[GrowUp!]

That's sticky. Technically mom would be in contempt if she didn't release the children... HOWEVER, that could be fought easily because the other side of that is that if she allows the children to go with him then she could be found for neglect. A nice little digital camera would come in handy in those situations...

If it were me, no I would not release the children. We all have to remember that there is not a magical contempt fairy that comes along and automatically file against those in contempt. In this situation the father would have to file against mom, mom could in turn show that he does not have a license etc... On top of this the fact that dad isn't paying support will often times prevent them from filing.

Now, I dont' want to seem to put out the idea that I do not believe dad doesn't deserve to see the children or that CS and visitation are the same but in the same respect, all parents have the obligation to be responsible.

I would agree with you on this one. His driving priviledges have been LEGALLY suspended. If the mom were to release the child to Dad KNOWING that his license has been suspended, I would think the Judge would frown on that.

This is a situation where perhaps Mom needs to initiate conversations with Dad as to how he is going to meet his travel obligations. Could a licensed adult known to the children pick up the child? If not, I would think that Mom might need to make the sacrifice and make the commute back and forth due to Dad's situation. BUT ALSO she needs keeping track of the mileage as well for reimbursement...even perhaps getting receipts from a store or something near Dad to show that she did drop off/pick up the children as proof. You should try to work something out with Dad -- unless Dad is completely stubborn. At least you can say you at least tried and the accomodations you try to make.

If this is going to be a long-term issue (more than 3 months), then there might not be any other choice than to file a modification of the parenting agreement to make the necessary transportation/costs changes.

 

[tigger22472]

I would agree with you on this one. His driving priviledges have been LEGALLY suspended. If the mom were to release the child to Dad KNOWING that his license has been suspended, I would think the Judge would frown on that.

This is a situation where perhaps Mom needs to initiate conversations with Dad as to how he is going to meet his travel obligations. Could a licensed adult known to the children pick up the child? If not, I would think that Mom might need to make the sacrifice and make the commute back and forth due to Dad's situation. BUT ALSO she needs keeping track of the mileage as well for reimbursement...even perhaps getting receipts from a store or something near Dad to show that she did drop off/pick up the children as proof. You should try to work something out with Dad -- unless Dad is completely stubborn. At least you can say you at least tried and the accomodations you try to make.

If this is going to be a long-term issue (more than 3 months), then there might not be any other choice than to file a modification of the parenting agreement to make the necessary transportation/costs changes.

While I agree it would be nice if mom could drive the entire way, however with gas prices the way they are and the fact dad isn't paying child support may not make that possible. On top of this LEGALLY her only obligation is to drive half way. The idea of a reciept showing where she's been is a good idea through even if she does only go half way.

I realize we have a legal and a moral right here. Morally it would be nice for mom to drive all the way for the benefit of the child but again, that might not be an option. IMO if she's not getting child support then she's caring for this child completely on her dime and she has to look out for her and hers. If driving all the way twice a weekend is going to take for instance away from her gas to get to her job or take enough money from her home to risk not having as much food or whatever, then dad needs to figure out what HE is going to do to meet HIS obligations. While it is a CPs job to help foster a relationship between a child and a NCP it is not their obligation to go above and beyond what is required by the law, especially if it puts a hardship somewhere else.

 

[GrowUp!]

IMO if she's not getting child support then she's caring for this child completely on her dime and she has to look out for her and hers. If driving all the way twice a weekend is going to take for instance away from her gas to get to her job or take enough money from her home to risk not having as much food or whatever, then dad needs to figure out what HE is going to do to meet HIS obligations. While it is a CPs job to help foster a relationship between a child and a NCP it is not their obligation to go above and beyond what is required by the law, especially if it puts a hardship somewhere else.

I actually forgot about where he's also not paying child support. IMO, the only options she really has is make the halfway drive and if he's a no-show after 15 minutes, get proof of being there and come back home (just not showing up could pose problems and a 'he said-she said' if he did say he was there and she wasn't). Or IF he's unable to get a responsible adult known to the children to pick up the kids at the halfway point, the OP might need to file a motion (poss ex parte) to suspend visitation to address this issue and the possible length of the suspension.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I am going to make a suggesiton based on the facts presented by OP both on and off the forum. OP will understand why I am saying this.

If has visitation every weekend now from what is was originally and their relationship has developed well since the rocky begining, in fact you all have made progress, this is a problem which dad will have difficulty contemplating or finding a solution on his own, so you will have to make suggestions that allow him to continue his relationship with his son without undue hardship for anyone.

Perhaps he can find someone willing to drive all the way to your house or a nearby location to pick your son up for visitation, then you drive to pick him up at the end of visitation, that way if he doesn't find a ride, you are not denying him visitation and you picking up the child at the end, ensures that you get him back and the amount of expense and driving is the same. Or, since your child is in preschool, you could switch to every other weekend and add a day to each end, so there would be an exchange on Wednesday/Sunday or Thursday/Monday night and either split the driving or you drive both ways and the amount of visitation remains the same while time in the car is less for your son and your cost the same or less.. Or the last option is you to drive both ways once every 4 weeks and allow your son to stay 8 days at a time.

Try to come to an agreement and have it filed with the court. This should work while your son is in preschool and hopefully by then your ex will have solved his transportaiton problems. You understant, this will not be the last time, you have to problem solve for him because of his disability.

 

[huntersmommy06]

Thank You

I appreciate all your answers. I have a lot to think about on this one. Dad and son have formed a wonderful bond and I don't want to inhibit this in anyway. I am just not in the best financial situation at this time (daycare is killer!!!).

I have been doing all the driving at this time and I did let dad know that I will do whatever is neccessary to make sure that they have their time together. I'm not even giving him a hard time about CS at all. I just want to make sure I cover all bases in case it becomes an issue.

Thank you again for all your advice!!!

 

[Mbarr77]

I appreciate all your answers. I have a lot to think about on this one. Dad and son have formed a wonderful bond and I don't want to inhibit this in anyway. I am just not in the best financial situation at this time (daycare is killer!!!).

I have been doing all the driving at this time and I did let dad know that I will do whatever is neccessary to make sure that they have their time together. I'm not even giving him a hard time about CS at all. I just want to make sure I cover all bases in case it becomes an issue.

Thank you again for all your advice!!!

It is nice to hear that you are doing everything you can to make sure your child gets time with his father! That is very important. But, I also understand money being tight. But, at least you are willing to try.

 

[tigger22472]

I have a few questions for the OP

Since you have told Dad that you would do this I have a few questions.

Is he working at all? and
When you said you would do this did he attempt to offer to say either A) that he would also look to see if he couldn't find a ride at least from time to time or B) offer to pay for your gas?

 

[huntersmommy06]

Since you have told Dad that you would do this I have a few questions.

Is he working at all? and
When you said you would do this did he attempt to offer to say either A) that he would also look to see if he couldn't find a ride at least from time to time or B) offer to pay for your gas?

Yes, he is working as a subcontract salesman for a pool co on commision only. He only sees a check when the ground is broken on a pool.

He did say he would do what he could as far as gas is concerned, but he hasn't even been able to pay his bills. I just don't forsee him able to do much at this point. I am currently covering all health care ins, dental ins, day care, and all day to day expenses, etc.etc....

This is just a little frustrating knowing that it could be a long time before he can get insurance, pay the fines and renew the license.