What is the name of your state? Florida
Twenty years ago, I began an affair with a married man. We had a child together in 1991 and a second child in 1993. He never signed the birth certificates, because he was afraid his wife would find out.
After the birth of our second child, things slowly deteriorated. He would become unreachable for long periods of time, etc. I would finally track him down; he would pay some money; disappear again. He closed the bank account we had, after taking all the money. After the older child turned two, he stopped having any contact with them. Over the years, he has visited them very few times and almost never even speaks to them.
I never filed for child support. I was afraid he would stop giving me any money at all and I was afraid of causing trouble for him with his wife (a woman to whom he is still married). Over the years, he has given me money off and on, and for the last two years, he has given us fairly regular payments each month, to the tune of between $1,500 and $2,000 a month.
He had always insisted that his wife knew nothing about us or the kids. Maybe so, but a few months ago, she found out. I got a call from her telling me he had died, "so you won't be getting anything from him again."
They live in New Jersey; I live in Florida (moved here from New York six years ago).
It took me a couple of weeks to prove that he was not dead. They retained an attorney in New Jersey, as did I. They demanded a DNA test. We took it. The results have been delayed due to a problem with his sample. He went in to have a new sample taken today and we expect the results to be ready next week. For the last two months, he has sent me a $1,000.00 a month, paid through his attorney's trust account to help out with our expenses until the DNA results are back and we can go to the next step.
There is a huge difference between our incomes. He is a PE, with a consulting business, and I work in a restaurant. They have considerable joint assets; I have nothing.
I have not filed court papers yet. I am hoping that once the DNA results are back, he and I can come to an agreement ourselves, which could then be presented to a judge for approval. They don't really want to provide full financial disclosure.
Ultimately, what I would like is some sort of lump sum and then monthly payments in accordance with the guideline amounts. Florida law allows for a child support order retroactive to two years "prior to the time the parties were no longer living together." While I admit that he has paid a fairly substantial sum of money over the last two years, he always maintained that it was intended as "gifts" to help us out, for instance, to help cover what we lost when our apartment was nearly destroyed in the hurricanes of 2004.
The attorney who is helping me in New Jersey is working pro bono. I have spoken to several here, all of whom want substantial retainers before doing anything. I don't have the money to pay them, so I will file whatever papers eventually need to be filed here on my own.
My questions, then, are:
1. Is it reasonable to ask for a lump sum payment?
2. Knowing that he equals prefers as I do to keep things out of court, is it likely that any support agreement he and I come to would be signed of by a judge to make it legally binding anf enforcible?
3. Could part of any agreement we reach be made to include a legal name change for the children? (They have my last name legally, but have always gone by his last name)
I have asked the attorney who is helping me, but she says, "Let's take it one step at a time."
Thank you for your opinions and advice.
Twenty years ago, I began an affair with a married man. We had a child together in 1991 and a second child in 1993. He never signed the birth certificates, because he was afraid his wife would find out.
After the birth of our second child, things slowly deteriorated. He would become unreachable for long periods of time, etc. I would finally track him down; he would pay some money; disappear again. He closed the bank account we had, after taking all the money. After the older child turned two, he stopped having any contact with them. Over the years, he has visited them very few times and almost never even speaks to them.
I never filed for child support. I was afraid he would stop giving me any money at all and I was afraid of causing trouble for him with his wife (a woman to whom he is still married). Over the years, he has given me money off and on, and for the last two years, he has given us fairly regular payments each month, to the tune of between $1,500 and $2,000 a month.
He had always insisted that his wife knew nothing about us or the kids. Maybe so, but a few months ago, she found out. I got a call from her telling me he had died, "so you won't be getting anything from him again."
They live in New Jersey; I live in Florida (moved here from New York six years ago).
It took me a couple of weeks to prove that he was not dead. They retained an attorney in New Jersey, as did I. They demanded a DNA test. We took it. The results have been delayed due to a problem with his sample. He went in to have a new sample taken today and we expect the results to be ready next week. For the last two months, he has sent me a $1,000.00 a month, paid through his attorney's trust account to help out with our expenses until the DNA results are back and we can go to the next step.
There is a huge difference between our incomes. He is a PE, with a consulting business, and I work in a restaurant. They have considerable joint assets; I have nothing.
I have not filed court papers yet. I am hoping that once the DNA results are back, he and I can come to an agreement ourselves, which could then be presented to a judge for approval. They don't really want to provide full financial disclosure.
Ultimately, what I would like is some sort of lump sum and then monthly payments in accordance with the guideline amounts. Florida law allows for a child support order retroactive to two years "prior to the time the parties were no longer living together." While I admit that he has paid a fairly substantial sum of money over the last two years, he always maintained that it was intended as "gifts" to help us out, for instance, to help cover what we lost when our apartment was nearly destroyed in the hurricanes of 2004.
The attorney who is helping me in New Jersey is working pro bono. I have spoken to several here, all of whom want substantial retainers before doing anything. I don't have the money to pay them, so I will file whatever papers eventually need to be filed here on my own.
My questions, then, are:
1. Is it reasonable to ask for a lump sum payment?
2. Knowing that he equals prefers as I do to keep things out of court, is it likely that any support agreement he and I come to would be signed of by a judge to make it legally binding anf enforcible?
3. Could part of any agreement we reach be made to include a legal name change for the children? (They have my last name legally, but have always gone by his last name)
I have asked the attorney who is helping me, but she says, "Let's take it one step at a time."
Thank you for your opinions and advice.
