Any advice?

[sundazed18]

What is the name of your state? Texas/ Custody hearings in NY state


On January 30th 2006, my husband and I went to court and we settled out of court. He signed papers giving me consent to leave the state of NY, to my home state of Texas, while also giving me residential custody of our children. We share joint custody and he has whole summer visitations, and every other Christmas and Spring Breaks starting in the year of 2007. On Febuary 15th of 2006, we went to his lawyers office and signed a stipulation agreement and I left the next day to Texas because my father came and picked my children and I up along with whatever we could bring.

I recieve 320 a month in child support, which does not go through the NY state court. In March of 2006, I recieved a court order upon consent, vaguely spelling out his rights and that we share joint custody and that I have residential custody and was allowed to move out of state.

THe children and I live with my companion, who is great to them as he is to me. Thats really irrelevant, because he has no legal rights to the children, but he does support us, while I stay home with the children, and I'm currently pregnant with his child also. I have known this man since we were kids, we were best friends all throughout our childhood.


In may, my ex and I made arrangements for him to fly down here and that I would take the children to the airport and wait at the gate, which in turn, I did not have to do. But since that is their father, I respect him and will aid with what I can. I did not have my ex pay me child support in May, because I only sent the children with a few weeks worth of clothes and knew that our 11 month old and 4 year old would need some things while up there in my ex's care. I felt that I was compromising. So, the children are their for the summer, until late Aug. and now it begins. . . . .

On June 5th of 2006, I was served with a Summons with Notice : Action for Divorce.
He's filing on two grounds , cruel and inhumane treatment and adultury. He also wants custody of our two kids and custody of the unborn chid that isn't is.
The notice that I recieved was a violation of a court order. His lawyer is stating that I wouldn't help aid in the fathers custodial visitation and that the father didn't have regular communication ( I HAVE PHONE RECORDS FROM THE DAY WE GOT INTO TEXAS TO PROVE THAT IS FALSE). The hearing is this week. I retained a lawyer and she has been in contact with the children law guardian. Pretty much sums it up that my ex is upset because I have moved on and he is being vindictive.

I don't have to be there for the hearing, but I'm thinking that this probably will go to trial, since the both of us aren't unfit and both love our children.

My questions are.
How does this look for me?
Is there any help that I can get legal wise to help with court fees?
Can he seriously get custody after he consented to letting me leave and gave me residential custody?

 

[stealth2]

Sweetheart - he's got you on the adultery. You're living with another man and are expecting his child. Did you know NY is a fault state??

In the meantime, sounds as though he's in the driver's seat. I'd suggest a lawyer in NY. Like yesterday.

 

[LdiJ]

Sweetheart - he's got you on the adultery. You're living with another man and are expecting his child. Did you know NY is a fault state??

In the meantime, sounds as though he's in the driver's seat. I'd suggest a lawyer in NY. Like yesterday.

I agree that he has her on the adultery. But its odd that he is claiming paternity of her unborn child if he also needs to use that child to prove adultery.

In any case, since they have court ordered agreements already regarding custody, and he gave her permission to leave the state with the children, wouldn't that hurt him as far as the custody portion of the divorce is concerned?

 

[sundazed18]

I do have a lawyer in NY that is taking care of my case.

I'm not contesting to a divorce, because I want one also, but I couldn't file here in Texas yet.
I've have agreed to a paternity test, as long as my ex pays for the cost of it.

I guess that I assumed ( and that goes to show that you shouldn't assume anything), is that once we signed the separation agreement that I could pretty much go on with my life, and even the agreements states that we both could go on as though we were single and unmarried.
I talked to my attorney about it, and she tells me that yes, we are still legally married, until divorced, but being in my current situation, that it does not prove me unfit.

I'm just concerned with the custody issue as any well loving mother would be.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[stealth2]

I agree that he has her on the adultery. But its odd that he is claiming paternity of her unborn child if he also needs to use that child to prove adultery.

You need to read more carefully, Laura. He is NOT claiming paternity - he is asking for custody of the child. The one who he WILL be the legal father of and who WILL be his children's sibling.

In any case, since they have court ordered agreements already regarding custody, and he gave her permission to leave the state with the children, wouldn't that hurt him as far as the custody portion of the divorce is concerned?

It all depends what was actually filed. I'd be willing to bet that he's getting an emergency custody order as we type.

 

[nextwife]

In may, my ex and I made arrangements for him to fly down here and that I would take the children to the airport and wait at the gate, which in turn, I did not have to do. . .

Ok, so YOU moved his kids to go live with a lover, and you expect HIM to cover the costs of flying those kids back and forth? Consider the CS for that month a trade off for the air fare YOU should be paying for.

 

[LdiJ]

You need to read more carefully, Laura. He is NOT claiming paternity - he is asking for custody of the child. The one who he WILL be the legal father of and who WILL be his children's sibling.

Ok...he may end up being the legal father..temporarily until the real father asserts paternity. However it still seem contradictory to me to ask for custody of a child, when that child is the proof of the adultery. It doesn't make sense to me on a strategic level.

It all depends what was actually filed. I'd be willing to bet that he's getting an emergency custody order as we type.

You certainly know more about NY law than I do, but I can't see where he has a basis for emergency custody. She and the children moved to TX with his agreement, that was turned into a legal order. Is adultery after legal separation a sufficient basis for emergency custody in NY?

 

[stealth2]

Maybe, maybe not. But at this point, he has the kids for the summer. And I'd bet his lawyer is spinning things in a way to make it work for him. We also have no idea what the kids - especially the older one - may be telling Dad about the b/f. That may yet come into play.

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? Texas/ Custody hearings in NY state


On January 30th 2006, my husband and I went to court and we settled out of court. He signed papers giving me consent to leave the state of NY, to my home state of Texas, while also giving me residential custody of our children. We share joint custody and he has whole summer visitations, and every other Christmas and Spring Breaks starting in the year of 2007. On Febuary 15th of 2006, we went to his lawyers office and signed a stipulation agreement and I left the next day to Texas because my father came and picked my children and I up along with whatever we could bring.

I recieve 320 a month in child support, which does not go through the NY state court. In March of 2006, I recieved a court order upon consent, vaguely spelling out his rights and that we share joint custody and that I have residential custody and was allowed to move out of state.

THe children and I live with my companion, who is great to them as he is to me. Thats really irrelevant, because he has no legal rights to the children, but he does support us, while I stay home with the children, and I'm currently pregnant with his child also. I have known this man since we were kids, we were best friends all throughout our childhood.


In may, my ex and I made arrangements for him to fly down here and that I would take the children to the airport and wait at the gate, which in turn, I did not have to do. But since that is their father, I respect him and will aid with what I can. I did not have my ex pay me child support in May, because I only sent the children with a few weeks worth of clothes and knew that our 11 month old and 4 year old would need some things while up there in my ex's care. I felt that I was compromising. So, the children are their for the summer, until late Aug. and now it begins. . . . .

On June 5th of 2006, I was served with a Summons with Notice : Action for Divorce.
He's filing on two grounds , cruel and inhumane treatment and adultury. He also wants custody of our two kids and custody of the unborn chid that isn't is.
The notice that I recieved was a violation of a court order. His lawyer is stating that I wouldn't help aid in the fathers custodial visitation and that the father didn't have regular communication ( I HAVE PHONE RECORDS FROM THE DAY WE GOT INTO TEXAS TO PROVE THAT IS FALSE). The hearing is this week. I retained a lawyer and she has been in contact with the children law guardian. Pretty much sums it up that my ex is upset because I have moved on and he is being vindictive.

It doesn't really matter what reason(s) you might think -- you were legally separated -- NOT divorced. Legally, you have not "moved on" as you might think or what to think.

I noticed the word "divorce" was never used -- until you mentioned it in what you were served by your STBX.
What in the world were you two thinking by signing a separation agreement so that you both could move on as being "single and unmarried."?? What someone should've filed was paperwork for a D-I-V-O-R-C-E instead.

I don't have to be there for the hearing, but I'm thinking that this probably will go to trial, since the both of us aren't unfit and both love our children.

You really should find a way to get to the hearing.

Why are YOU asking HIM to pay for a paternity test? One could say you're being vindicitive -- especially since you've admitted you are preggers w/the guy you're residing with. It's possible he could pay for it and then turn around and you could be forking out the money for it in the end. Anyone's guess there. Were you upfront w/your STBX why you were moving? You claim you were moving to be close w/family, but c'mon. Some of us were born at night, but not last nite.

 

[Ohiogal]

The child is his legal child as it was conceived during the marriage. Because of that she can claim that he is responsible for child support. As such, he is making the first strike by asking for custody. This forces HER to prove that the child isn't his and therefore he doesn't get custody and HE gets out of paying child support. The only way to force the issue that the child isn't his? BF has to take a paternity test. Legal dad doesn't. BF does. Legal dad already is dad. So BF has to step up and pay for the test to earn the right of paying child support.
It makes PERFECT sense why he is going for custody. As for OP -- you need to pay transportation for the kids to see their father. he shouldn't be paying for it. You have committed adultery. Getting involved with another man while still married and having that man's child AND exposing your two children who your STBX is the father of to this new relationship while you are still married is NOT a good idea. You need to pay for the paternity test. YOU need to pony up and prove that your husband has no legal claim on this child and why. Which admits your adultery.

 

[mom6stepmom2]

Ok...he may end up being the legal father..temporarily until the real father asserts paternity. However it still seem contradictory to me to ask for custody of a child, when that child is the proof of the adultery. It doesn't make sense to me on a strategic level.

Well, it seems to me that if the husband filed for custody of the unborn child, it is mom who will have to prove the adultery herself if she wants to keep the child with her and her current boyfriend.

 

[sundazed18]

Ok, so YOU moved his kids to go live with a lover, and you expect HIM to cover the costs of flying those kids back and forth? Consider the CS for that month a trade off for the air fare YOU should be paying for.

EH?....

No, I did not move my children to be with another man. Lets not make presumptions, unless we know the full story.
And no, I do not expect him to pay costs. We share it jointly...which means, by agreement, he pays for them to get to NY, and I pay for them to come back home. Simple.

 

[Zephyr]

EH?....

No, I did not move my children to be with another man. Lets not make presumptions, unless we know the full story.
And no, I do not expect him to pay costs. We share it jointly...which means, by agreement, he pays for them to get to NY, and I pay for them to come back home. Simple.

what????

On January 30th 2006, my husband and I went to court and we settled out of court. He signed papers giving me consent to leave the state of NY, to my home state of Texas, while also giving me residential custody of our children. We share joint custody and he has whole summer visitations, and every other Christmas and Spring Breaks starting in the year of 2007. On Febuary 15th of 2006, we went to his lawyers office and signed a stipulation agreement and I left the next day to Texas because my father came and picked my children and I up along with whatever we could bring.

I recieve 320 a month in child support, which does not go through the NY state court. In March of 2006, I recieved a court order upon consent, vaguely spelling out his rights and that we share joint custody and that I have residential custody and was allowed to move out of state.

THe children and I live with my companion, who is great to them as he is to me. Thats really irrelevant, because he has no legal rights to the children, but he does support us, while I stay home with the children, and I'm currently pregnant with his child also. I have known this man since we were kids, we were best friends all throughout our childhood.

I don't think there was much presuming- you said you lived with the new guy that you were preggers by? what did we miss?

 

[moburkes]

EH?....

No, I did not move my children to be with another man. Lets not make presumptions, unless we know the full story.
And no, I do not expect him to pay costs. We share it jointly...which means, by agreement, he pays for them to get to NY, and I pay for them to come back home. Simple.

In March 2006, you were given permission to move out of state. By June 2006, you were pregnant with another man's child. So, if you weren't already pregnant with this man's child before you moved, then in the last 3 months you've been doing quite a lot. Let's see, you moved to TX, but NOT with the current man, then you uprooted your entire family from whereever you were living, moved them into this man's place, and then got pregnant. In either case, you sure do move fast, for a married woman!

What presumption was made? Unless we know the full story, you cannot get upset that we don't know the full story. And unless you want to tell the rest of the sordid details of your full story, then you will have to put up with the conclusions that we draw.

And, do you think that the judge will draw conclusions any differently? He won't sit there while you tell the full story...

 

[Ohiogal]

EH?....

No, I did not move my children to be with another man. Lets not make presumptions, unless we know the full story.
And no, I do not expect him to pay costs. We share it jointly...which means, by agreement, he pays for them to get to NY, and I pay for them to come back home. Simple.

You dont' share it jointly if you expect him to fly to TX to pick up the kids and fly back with them. Sharing it jointly would mean you would have the children up to their dad and he would fly them back to you.You stated you didn't have to take the children to the gate but you did because you respect him. Ummm.. no. You got pregnant by another man while married to him -- that is not respect.

Oh and just to let you know, don't be surprised if there is a restraining order on removing the children from NY at this juncture until the divorce is finalized. That is extremely normal. The children will remain under NY courts until the divorce and custody are settled.