Arizona Grandma needs help in NC

[MamaLou]

What is the name of your state? I live in Arizona, action is in North Carolina

I used to visit here often but for the last year or so, haven't been able to due to personal issues. I had another login but for some reason couldn't get it to work... New login, older member... Hi all.

Hope this is better. I edited it heavily I think

Background:

My son is 21, his wife is 22, my grandson is currently 6 months old.

1. Married Aug 2004
2. Within a few days of marriage DIL tells son she is pregnant
3. Couple weeks later she starts physically abusing him
4. Son finds out he has STD when he has been with no other woman for months (he was either in A-Stan or in the field where no women were present. His career field has no women in it)
5. Finds out his wife was with another man days prior to coming to US
6. Finds out his wife is having other men in the house while he is at work
7. Finds out his wife is drinking and taking a variety of drugs while pregnant
8. Finds out his wife has been using the internet to meet men and women for sex
9. March 2005 - Finally turned into Family Services and DIL leaves to avoid their investigation
10. DIL has moved several times since she left
11. DIL has lived with two different men since she left and is on third
12. DIL has boyfriend visit her in hospital when my grandson is born, has my son thrown out of hospital
13. Since birth of my grandson in May 2005, DIL has disappeared and refuses to allow anyone contact
14. My son has suffered from depression since returning from A-Stan and refuses help
15. Since leaving Army, son has no job, no car, no prospects
16. Son refuses to become actively involved in this, I am at the end of my rope on this one.
17. At this stage, I believe neither parent is fit to raise this child


We have the following to offer my grandson...

1. A stable environment. We own our home'
2. More Insurance than we know what to do with between military and suplement
3. A strong desire to see child reunited with family
4. My son will be living with us, depending on us to help him.
5. I work from home as a writer so wouldn't need day care.
6. We would encourage a relationship with BOTH parents.
7. The child would be able to have a relationship with both sides of the family.

We hired the attorney yesterday, sending him a $2000 retainer which we had to apply for a new credit card in order to do this. He feels certain he can get us Ex Parte Emergency custody based on the two facts that my DIL refuses to allow anyone to know where she is and that she threatens to remove my grandson from the country. My son's attorney is working with our attorney to help this happen. At one time, she had an attorney but lost her due to not paying her bill. Her former attorney was the only one who knew how to contact her and she is no longer in the picture. Another attorney has not been hired. For all intents and purposes, my DIL is missing with the child.

My son and DIL will remain married until next year sometime due to NC law dictating a one year separation. All attempts at mediation with regard to my grandson have been thwarted by my DIL, either she doesn't show or she calls and asks for a continuance. The mediator finally closed the case and has asked the courts to decide. There is a hearing scheduled for the 15th of this month which we are hoping to stop with our filing an action to Intervene.

I know this is a great deal of information to process and this post is long, I apologize for that. I'm sure there will be questions from all of you which I am happy to respond to. I've tried to trim this but am having problems. Any suggestions would be appreciated...

I am not familiar with NC law, other than I know there are Grandparent's Rights laws on the books. Am I wasting our time and money pursuing this? Do I soldier on, probably going bankrupt in the process, in order to see that the right things are being done for my grandson?

I would appreciate any advise and thoughts on this.

 

[Zephyr]

I am not familiar with NC law, other than I know there are Grandparent's Rights laws on the books. Am I wasting our time and money pursuing this? Do I soldier on, probably going bankrupt in the process, in order to see that the right things are being done for my grandson?

I am not sure that gp rights actually comes into this, has dad filed any motions? does the child have a GAL? you might get more answers from people who know if you could "trim the fat" of your post- take out all of the editoriial stuff, list the facts, are there any temp orders now? then list your questions.

 

[MamaLou]

Sorry

It's hard not to editorialize when my heart is as involved as it is.

has dad filed any motions? does the child have a GAL?

Yes, dad did have some motions filed but he was so apathetic towards the whole thing his attorney dropped him. The reason she used was he that he wasn't paying his bill but the reality is, she would have stayed with him until the end of time had he just gotten more involved.

No, the baby doesn't have a GAL yet. I was going to wait for the first hearing, the one about Emergency Custody, to see how the courts were swaying before I dove into that. Mom and Dad won't/don't have the money to assist with that, as the courts would probably say we all had to split it, so it would all fall on me.

are there any temp orders now?

There was a Ex Parte Motion granting custody to Mom about 4 months ago but her attorney has dropped her since then. Mom's attorney was best friends with my son's attorney and she found out how much my DIL was lying to her about things and removed herself from the case. Again, the excuse was not paying her bill but she told my son's attorney that she simply couldn't represent someone who was as much a liar as my DIL. She never knew if she could trust her with the truth. She was being made a fool of in court and knew it.

Case in point: In July of this year, DIL filed action to have son stripped of his parental rights based on the allegation of neglect. They were putting on a good case and it looked like they might win until the judge looked more closely at the photos... On the front, they had the date of June 17 time stamped but the processing date on the back was from May, a full month before the alleged abuse happened. Her attorney was LIVID! She filed the paperwork to drop her a couple days after that.

 

[sroutlaw]

Poster, you got some important advice above about skipping the editorials. Your dislike/disrepect for your DIL is obvious but you truly only need to give facts to get factual answers. Otherwise everyone feels like they are on As The World Turns, here.

The ExParte/custody ruling remains valid regardless of your DIL no longer using the original attorney.

My own judgment is that your chances are very slim at gaining custody, given that you have only hearsay to your argument that your DIL threatens to take the child out of the US. Also, it is unlikely the court could/would grant her an ExParte/custody as you mentioned above, with no address listed on her papers.

Try being a peacemaker and a true grandparent in this situation - that is likely the only shot you have at any meaningful contact with the child.

 

[LdiJ]

I honestly don't know how your attorney expects to get you an emergency, exparte custody order. Your son is the one who has standing to challenge mom's custody.....not you. Your DIL has no legal obligation to provide you any information at all regarding her whereabouts. The child is in the custody of a parent, you can't even serve the parent because you don't know her whereabouts....I see know way for this to happen....at least not without committing some sort of fraud.

Parents have the constitutional right to the care and control of their children. A judge can't take that away from them without due process. You have no smoking gun issue here....CPS hasn't taken the child away from his mother...the mother hasn't abandoned the child...you have no proof of any abuse or neglect (as the law would define it).

Your son chooses not to pursue things....that is his right. You don't get to do it instead, just because he doesn't want to. On top of that, there is a very real possibility that this child is not your grandchild, which complicates things more.

 

[MamaLou]

Thanks for the advice

Try being a peacemaker and a true grandparent in this situation - that is likely the only shot you have at any meaningful contact with the child.

I wish this were possible. I was there for her for the time between her leaving my son and the baby being born. I was sending her money, etc. She takes the money and goes out to bars, etc.

the breaking point for her was when I asked her about her going out so much, who was taking care of my grandson? She became verbally abusive, tried to get a restraining order against me (you should have seen the crap she put in there, the judge refused to allow it since I posed no threat being 2500 miles away) and refuses to allow anyone, my son, her parents, anyone any access to my grandson. She has a long history of physical abuse towards others and this worries me due to her drug and alcohol abuse.

I'm worried that your advice is how it will play out. As much as I don't like hearing it, this could very much be the reality and I should prepare myself for this emotionally.

My son IS moving here soon to live with us and go to school so I'm hoping a judge will see this as a good thing and help us out of this terrible situation.

 

[MamaLou]

I tend to be verbose

Poster, you got some important advice above about skipping the editorials. Your dislike/disrepect for your DIL is obvious but you truly only need to give facts to get factual answers. Otherwise everyone feels like they are on As The World Turns, here.

I've actually gone thru this several times and edited some out. When I'm upset I tend to give too much information...

 

[MamaLou]

I have now edited this heavily

I hope this helps anyone reading it.

I attempted to remove a great deal of the editorialization.