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Arrears owed to deceased parent.

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ybnvs

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My wife had three children from 2 previous relationships when we married. The father of her oldest child was always far behind in his child support. She recently passed away at 37 years of age, at which time her oldest child was over 18. The state continued to collect money from his paychecks when they could. He is now asking me to talk to the state and find out where his money went and return it to him. He is now, in fact, suing me for the money. My question is, wouldn't that money, if I do find it, belong to her estate? I currently have custody of her other two children, and would have no problem writing each of the three children checks instead of returning it to him. Thanks so much in advance for your reply. have a great day.
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My wife had three children from 2 previous relationships when we married. The father of her oldest child was always far behind in his child support. She recently passed away at 37 years of age, at which time her oldest child was over 18. The state continued to collect money from his paychecks when they could. He is now asking me to talk to the state and find out where his money went and return it to him. He is now, in fact, suing me for the money. My question is, wouldn't that money, if I do find it, belong to her estate? I currently have custody of her other two children, and would have no problem writing each of the three children checks instead of returning it to him. Thanks so much in advance for your reply. have a great day.
Why and how do you have custody of his children? Did you notify Dad of Mom's death in a timely manner?

Really, more details are needed. Also, I extend my sympathy for your loss.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My wife had three children from 2 previous relationships when we married. The father of her oldest child was always far behind in his child support. She recently passed away at 37 years of age, at which time her oldest child was over 18. The state continued to collect money from his paychecks when they could. He is now asking me to talk to the state and find out where his money went and return it to him. He is now, in fact, suing me for the money. My question is, wouldn't that money, if I do find it, belong to her estate? I currently have custody of her other two children, and would have no problem writing each of the three children checks instead of returning it to him. Thanks so much in advance for your reply. have a great day.
Was your wife ever collecting any kind of state benefits? If so, the money may be going to the state to reimburse them for the previous benefits received for the child. I would think that the money belonged either to the state or to her estate.

You certainly have no liability towards dad. You were never the recipient of any of his child support payments nor were you ever the legal custodian of his child. I don't understand why he is suing you or asking you to attempt to locate the money. You don't even have any right to any information as to where his money went.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Why and how do you have custody of his children? Did you notify Dad of Mom's death in a timely manner?

Really, more details are needed. Also, I extend my sympathy for your loss.
Read the original post again. He doesn't have custody of his children. He is the father of the eldest only. The eldest is over 18.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Read the original post again. He doesn't have custody of his children. He is the father of the eldest only. The eldest is over 18.
The OP is not the father of any of the 3 children.

The OP is being sued by the father of the eldest.

I wonder why a stepparent "has custody" of children who are not his. I also wonder why stepdad is continuing to collect child support from the 2 fathers.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
You are correct that he still owes the money to mom's estate even though she is no longer with us (so sorry for your loss). If the money is located, it would be distributed to her creditors if any and then her heirs (including you) according to her will or the laws of intestate succession.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
The reason OP has custody of the other children is not relevant to his question and is none of our business. And if you read the post, he has not actually received any of the money collected and he has not said a word about collecting anything from the father(s) of the other children. And again, even if he was, it would be none of our business! The lack of respect given to posters here continues to disgust me.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The OP is not the father of any of the 3 children.

The OP is being sued by the father of the eldest.

I wonder why a stepparent "has custody" of children who are not his. I also wonder why stepdad is continuing to collect child support from the 2 fathers.
Yes, OP is not the father of any of the children. The OP has custody of 2 children that are NOT the children of the father who is suing. There can be any numerous reasons why he has custody. For all we know, their father may be deceased, incarcerated or uninterested.

There is no indication that stepfather is collecting child support from EITHER of the fathers. However, it would be appropriate for him to receive child support from the father of the two children he has custody of, if that father is living.

What there is an indication of, is that arrears payments are still being collected by the state from the father of the eldest. There does not appear to be any indication that stepfather is in receipt of those arrears payments, as he is being asked to help "find the money". I suspect that mom was receiving state benefits before she married stepdad, and that the state is both collecting and keeping that money.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I'm going to sit here and do my nails while someone explain to me how stepdad "has the right to collect child support" from the NCPs, and how stepdad "has custody."

His wife, the CP, is recently deceased. I'm asking valid questions. Stepdad can answer them for himself.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I'm going to sit here and do my nails while someone explain to me how stepdad "has the right to collect child support" from the NCPs, and how stepdad "has custody."

His wife, the CP, is recently deceased. I'm asking valid questions. Stepdad can answer them for himself.
Why does the backstory matter to you? Unless we want to call stepdad a liar, he has custody of two of mom's children. The "why" doesn't really matter, nor does it even pertain to his question, since his question has nothing to do with those two children. Also, why do you think that a parent should not have to pay child support for a child who is in the custody of a third party?
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Why does the backstory matter to you? Unless we want to call stepdad a liar, he has custody of two of mom's children. The "why" doesn't really matter, nor does it even pertain to his question, since his question has nothing to do with those two children. Also, why do you think that a parent should not have to pay child support for a child who is in the custody of a third party?
Why does my question bother you so much? ;)

And, if you re-read, you'll see that the father of the eldest owes support to the estate.
 

ybnvs

Junior Member
reply

Why and how do you have custody of his children? Did you notify Dad of Mom's death in a timely manner?

Really, more details are needed. Also, I extend my sympathy for your loss.

Thanks to all for the comments and kind words. i will try to explain further. Her children were from two different fathers. The one I am discussing is the eldest child who was over 18 upon the death of his mother. So the child support wasn't money due after her death. The two younger children were both minors at the time, and wanted to remain living with me. I have two children of my own that also live with me. I petitioned probate court for custody and and after months of meetings with court and dcf, I was awarded custody and their father has visitation. He pays no support other than some clothes once in a while, or taking them to dinner or a movie. I am trying to help them live the best lives they can, given the circumstances. I am not looking for a dime of this mans money for myself as support. I would just rather have the money go to her children, who would have been the beneficiaries of that money if he had paid her when he was obligated to, and when she was struggling as a single mom. Like I said earlier, I also have two children of my own. After that divorce, we had shared custody, and I still paid my child support religiously. Even working two jobs when needed. So guys who try everything in their power to avoid responsibilty I have a problem with. thanks again for all the replies and kind words.
 

ybnvs

Junior Member
Oh

Why does the backstory matter to you? Unless we want to call stepdad a liar, he has custody of two of mom's children. The "why" doesn't really matter, nor does it even pertain to his question, since his question has nothing to do with those two children. Also, why do you think that a parent should not have to pay child support for a child who is in the custody of a third party?

And yes, she had been getting state assistance prior to our marriage. I forgot to add that in my previous reply.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Thanks to all for the comments and kind words. i will try to explain further. Her children were from two different fathers. The one I am discussing is the eldest child who was over 18 upon the death of his mother. So the child support wasn't money due after her death. The two younger children were both minors at the time, and wanted to remain living with me. I have two children of my own that also live with me. I petitioned probate court for custody and and after months of meetings with court and dcf, I was awarded custody and their father has visitation. He pays no support other than some clothes once in a while, or taking them to dinner or a movie. I am trying to help them live the best lives they can, given the circumstances. I am not looking for a dime of this mans money for myself as support. I would just rather have the money go to her children, who would have been the beneficiaries of that money if he had paid her when he was obligated to, and when she was struggling as a single mom. Like I said earlier, I also have two children of my own. After that divorce, we had shared custody, and I still paid my child support religiously. Even working two jobs when needed. So guys who try everything in their power to avoid responsibilty I have a problem with. thanks again for all the replies and kind words.
Okay, so you legally have custody and all is in line. Good. :)

Eldest's Dad's arrears belong to Mom's estate (and to the State, if they are collecting for state funds given due to his lack of payment), and it's not your problem or fault. If you have to hire an attorney to deal with Eldest's Dad's lawsuit, be sure to petition that he pay your attorney fees and all court costs.

I wish you the best of luck. :)
 

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