Assistance with custody pre-trial

[car_guy]

What is the name of your state? I am in Ohio.

Hopefully, someone can provide some direction.

Very soon, I go to court against my ex-girlfriend for custody of our child. This is a pre-trial.

My attorney said that this will be a relatively short process lasting 15-30 minutes. In the process, he asks me to say why I think my son should be placed in my care.

I have a ton of things that I would like to say but obviously there will not be enough time & most will be saved for the final hearing. What i want to make certain is that I get my point across in as few words as possible but making certain that the most important aspects are brought to the attention of the judge.

Will I be permitted to read from notes that I have prepared or will I have to do from memory ? Does someone have a recommended format of how I should address the facts to the judge ? What things might be considered the most relevant to point out that might make the judge lean a little more towards me.

I am extremely nervous about this proceeding. Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

 

[fairisfair]

the most important thing is that you focus on the best interest of the child. The judge doesn't want to hear you flinging names and accusations against your ex. Stay factual, and as unemotional as possible. and stick to why it is better for your child to be in your care, not better for you.

 

[car_guy]

I have prepared something that I would like to say in court when asked the question. I would prefer not to post it here for privacy reasons, but would appreciate any feedback that can be given.

I only have one chance to do this right & protect my child. I will need all of the help that I can get.

Please feel free to contact me & I will share with you what I have.

Thank you

 

[Ohiogal]

I have prepared something that I would like to say in court when asked the question. I would prefer not to post it here for privacy reasons, but would appreciate any feedback that can be given.

I only have one chance to do this right & protect my child. I will need all of the help that I can get.

Please feel free to contact me & I will share with you what I have.

Thank you

You will want to tell the court why the best interest of the child is served by the child being placed with you. WIthout details it is hard to determine whether you have enough. But it is all about the child. Why do you feel the need to protect your child?
What has happened when the child is in the other parent's custody that puts the child in danger? Those are the important things to bring up.

 

[car_guy]

I realize that pertinent info helps, but I don't think placing it here is the right thing to do. Again, if someone wants to view what I have & offer advice, I would be happy to forward it to you.

Thanks a million !

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I have used notes in the past to keep my thoughts collected. I know that when I am stressed, I forget everything. You may be better off with an outline and key words. You want it in YOUR words, but not a speech.

 

[car_guy]

Here is what I have been working on. Please give me your honest feedback.

In most cases, I believe that a child requires both parents.
A child's life is structured of the father being disciplinarian and
the mother being the care giver. I feel right now the child is not living in
a structured and clean environment which gives me the fear for his health
and safety as well as mental health. As the custodial parent, I want to
raise my child in a structured healthy environment, both mentally and
physically. The fear of a child not being in the proper care of a parent is
a fear that no parent should have to live with. I already have proper safe
and healthy care for him for when I am at work. I believe that a child's
development does not consist of sitting in front of a television everyday
for hours. A child's development requires being taught right from wrong,
being read to and individual one on one communication and contact. I feel
these things are lacking and would sadly be lacking the rest of his life
without me being his constant care giver.

The mothers family of arrests involving children and exposure to drug and
alcohol abuse is also a fear a parent should not be faced with. I want my
son because I love him and I want a normal life for him.There has already
been many lies about his health, I fear that I will never know the extent of
the improper care my child has lived with since I have moved out of the
household. I implore the court to understand I can be both father as
well as the care giving mother influence my child needs and deserves.

 

[waitinMd]

Here is what I have been working on. Please give me your honest feedback.

A child's life is structured of the father being disciplinarian and
the mother being the care giver. I feel right now the child is not living in
a structured and clean environment which gives me the fear for his health
and safety as well as mental health. I believe that a child's
development does not consist of sitting in front of a television everyday
for hours.

I definately would not say those sentences above.

I don't know about your judge, but unless it is FACT, my judge doesn't give a hoot about 'feelings'. I'd take the "I feel" out.

Can you prove your second paragraph?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You need to make your point consistent with your state's guidelines for 'best interest of the child'. That is the standard you must meet. You have to PROVE that a change of circumstances has occurred that affects this child.

 

[Ohiogal]

Here is what I have been working on. Please give me your honest feedback.

Can you handle honest feedback.

In most cases, I believe that a child requires both parents.

Who cares about MOST cases. This is YOUR case specifically.

A child's life is structured of the father being disciplinarian and
the mother being the care giver.

What a stereotypical bunch of BS. Hopefully the judge is as narrowminded as you or you will upset him/her with this.

I feel right now the child is not living in
a structured and clean environment which gives me the fear for his health
and safety as well as mental health.

Really? Structured how? How is the environment not structured to your standards?

As the custodial parent, I want to
raise my child in a structured healthy environment, both mentally and
physically.

Structure can amount to no more than parenting choices/styles which are NOT illegal. Nor a reason for change of custody.

The fear of a child not being in the proper care of a parent is
a fear that no parent should have to live with.

Proper care? What is it you consider proper care? How is YOUR proper care more suitable than mom's?

I already have proper safe
and healthy care for him for when I am at work.

And?

I believe that a child's
development does not consist of sitting in front of a television everyday
for hours.

That is nice that you believe that.

A child's development requires being taught right from wrong,
being read to and individual one on one communication and contact. I feel
these things are lacking and would sadly be lacking the rest of his life
without me being his constant care giver.

Really? You don't think mom has taught this child that? Why not? (Be careful on the answer by the way.)

The mothers family of arrests involving children and exposure to drug and
alcohol abuse is also a fear a parent should not be faced with.

Then why the hell did you sleep with her and conceive a child? Why did you choose her as a bed buddy?

I want my
son because I love him and I want a normal life for him.

You want, you believe, you this, you that. When are we going to hear about YOUR SON. Not some mythical child out in the middle of nowhere.

There has already
been many lies about his health, I fear that I will never know the extent of
the improper care my child has lived with since I have moved out of the
household.

Why haven't you been attending his doctor's appointments, in touch with his doctors, and scheduling such appointments on your time? Why have you not asked mom who is medical providers are?

I implore the court to understand I can be both father as
well as the care giving mother influence my child needs and deserves.

And watch the judge say BULL ****! This child is always going to have a mother and your statement just shows that you are going to push mom out of the picture entirely. You dont' want to be dad you want to be both parents. you don't want to encourage and foster the relationship with mom. You want to shut her out. Your speech quite frankly would make many magistrates and judges shake their head and deny you custody. YOu have NOT SPOKEN ONE WORD about why it is in the best interest of YOUR SON for you to be primary residential parent.

Oh and a pre-trial is not a time for speeches in Ohio. A pre-trial in Ohio is where it is determined what evidence has been gathered, what witnesses will be called and whether a settlement is possible. It is not for monologues.

 

[GrowUp!]

In most cases, I believe that a child requires both parents.
A child's life is structured of the father being disciplinarian and
the mother being the care giver. I feel right now the child is not living in
a structured and clean environment which gives me the fear for his health
and safety as well as mental health. As the custodial parent, I want to
raise my child in a structured healthy environment, both mentally and
physically. The fear of a child not being in the proper care of a parent is
a fear that no parent should have to live with. I already have proper safe
and healthy care for him for when I am at work. I believe that a child's
development does not consist of sitting in front of a television everyday
for hours. A child's development requires being taught right from wrong,
being read to and individual one on one communication and contact. I feel
these things are lacking and would sadly be lacking the rest of his life
without me being his constant care giver.

Dump ALL of this. Here's why...your use of language. You keep saying "you FEEL"...you "BELIEVE." If you truly "feel" this, then prove it. Quite frankly, what you are stating here is simply "nitpicking" and would not look too favorably upon you in court. ALso, it's coming across that you are stating that the child is unfit and in Ohio, that is a HUGE HUGE slope to climb. I would not mention any of this.

The mothers family of arrests involving children and exposure to drug and
alcohol abuse is also a fear a parent should not be faced with. I want my
son because I love him and I want a normal life for him.There has already
been many lies about his health, I fear that I will never know the extent of
the improper care my child has lived with since I have moved out of the
household. I implore the court to understand I can be both father as
well as the care giving mother influence my child needs and deserves.

The mother's family is irrelevant at this point.

You have to prove the exposure to drug and alcohol ABUSE and how the child was put in immediate danger and the swift action you took to remove the child from such danger.

If you have been lied to about his health and other medical issues, then you work that into her inability to co-parent with you -- with examples.

Again, you do NOT want to come across that you are picking/attacking the other parent's parenting skills. Plus, if you have an attorney, why are YOU talking? Your attorney should be doing the talking and should know EXACTLY how to present your case. That's why you are paying him/her. Plus, this is a pre-trial. None of this should be occurring. The purpose of a pre-trial is to make the court aware of the outstanding issues between the parents. WHen you are on the stand, that is something different...but again, you want to present FACTS that you can prove and how the child has been put in danger or she has not been willing to coparent with you and the such. Try to stay away from using "best interest of the child" because that is a legal determination used by the courts. You don't want to come across like you are attacking the otherparent "just to attack". Let your ex do that and insist on proof of any statements/accusations she makes.


EDIT TO ADD: It seems OG and I were responding at the same time.

 

[CJane]

Everyone else is right. The judge couldn't care less about your feelings on the subject, or whether or not mom is a crappy housekeeper. And, as you were told in your last thread, any 'medical neglect' or other neglect is going to be seen as partially YOUR fault as you lived in the household. You also made it clear that you believed that Mom was perfectly fit when you left the household and left the child behind.

That said, you need to focus on the best interests of the child. This isn't what YOU think is best for the child, it's a series of LEGAL benchmarks that are used for the court to determine what's best.

This is from MY state's statutes, but I believe they're pretty standard state to state.

2. The court shall determine custody in accordance with the best interests of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors including:

(1) The wishes of the child's parents as to custody and the proposed parenting plan submitted by both parties;

(2) The needs of the child for a frequent, continuing and meaningful relationship with both parents and the ability and willingness of parents to actively perform their functions as mother and father for the needs of the child;

(3) The interaction and interrelationship of the child with parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child's best interests;

(4) Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent;

(5) The child's adjustment to the child's home, school, and community;

(6) The mental and physical health of all individuals involved, including any history of abuse of any individuals involved. If the court finds that a pattern of domestic violence has occurred, and, if the court also finds that awarding custody to the abusive parent is in the best interest of the child, then the court shall enter written findings of fact and conclusions of law. Custody and visitation rights shall be ordered in a manner that best protects the child and any other child or children for whom the parent has custodial or visitation rights, and the parent or other family or household member who is the victim of domestic violence from any further harm;

(7) The intention of either parent to relocate the principal residence of the child; and

(8) The wishes of a child as to the child's custodian.

From my own personal experience, the one I bolded is the one that most commonly overrules all of the others. And from your prepared statement, you do NOT sound as if you're going to foster #2.

Rethink your 'feelings' and really focus on the above factors. The court can't make a decision based on your feelings.

 

[tuffbrk]

OhioGal -Can I just say that I dearly wished you practiced in Jersey?! I'd feel far more confident having turned over my hard earned $22k with you representing my childrens' and my interests.

Have a happy day!

 

[kimberlywrites]

"A child's life is structured of the father being disciplinarian and
the mother being the care giver. "

What?????? In my experience, mom is the disciplinarian and dad is the all around fun guy. Fortunately both are "caregivers."

 

[GrowUp!]

In Ohio:
3109.04

(F)(1) In determining the best interest of a child pursuant to this section, whether on an original decree allocating parental rights and responsibilities for the care of children or a modification of a decree allocating those rights and responsibilities, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to:

(a) The wishes of the child_s parents regarding the child_s care;

(b) If the court has interviewed the child in chambers pursuant to division (B) of this section regarding the child_s wishes and concerns as to the allocation of parental rights and responsibilities concerning the child, the wishes and concerns of the child, as expressed to the court;

(c) The child_s interaction and interrelationship with the child_s parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child_s best interest;

(d) The child_s adjustment to the child_s home, school, and community;

(e) The mental and physical health of all persons involved in the situation;

(f) The parent more likely to honor and facilitate court-approved parenting time rights or visitation and companionship rights;

(g) Whether either parent has failed to make all child support payments, including all arrearages, that are required of that parent pursuant to a child support order under which that parent is an obligor;

(h) Whether either parent or any member of the household of either parent previously has been convicted of or pleaded guilty to any criminal offense involving any act that resulted in a child being an abused child or a neglected child; whether either parent, in a case in which a child has been adjudicated an abused child or a neglected child, previously has been determined to be the perpetrator of the abusive or neglectful act that is the basis of an adjudication; whether either parent or any member of the household of either parent previously has been convicted of or pleaded guilty to a violation of section 2919.25 of the Revised Code or a sexually oriented offense involving a victim who at the time of the commission of the offense was a member of the family or household that is the subject of the current proceeding; whether either parent or any member of the household of either parent previously has been convicted of or pleaded guilty to any offense involving a victim who at the time of the commission of the offense was a member of the family or household that is the subject of the current proceeding and caused physical harm to the victim in the commission of the offense; and whether there is reason to believe that either parent has acted in a manner resulting in a child being an abused child or a neglected child;

(i) Whether the residential parent or one of the parents subject to a shared parenting decree has continuously and willfully denied the other parent_s right to parenting time in accordance with an order of the court;

(j) Whether either parent has established a residence, or is planning to establish a residence, outside this state.

(2) In determining whether shared parenting is in the best interest of the children, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to, the factors enumerated in division (F)(1) of this section, the factors enumerated in section 3119.23 of the Revised Code, and all of the following factors:

(a) The ability of the parents to cooperate and make decisions jointly, with respect to the children;

(b) The ability of each parent to encourage the sharing of love, affection, and contact between the child and the other parent;

(c) Any history of, or potential for, child abuse, spouse abuse, other domestic violence, or parental kidnapping by either parent;

(d) The geographic proximity of the parents to each other, as the proximity relates to the practical considerations of shared parenting;

(e) The recommendation of the guardian ad litem of the child, if the child has a guardian ad litem.

(3) When allocating parental rights and responsibilities for the care of children, the court shall not give preference to a parent because of that parent_s financial status or condition.