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Baby due in 7 weeks, husband gone, now what???

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frazzlednerves2

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? TN. Im hoping my situation isn't as complicated or as grim as it seems at the moment. Im currently married and have a baby due in 7 weeks. My husband, being the man that he is, took off shortly after we found out about the pregnancy. (The baby is his). I had not heard from him in almost 5 months UNTIL last week (despite the fact I have made countless attempts to reach him). He contacted me to tell me he will not be at the hospital for the birth, will not sign the birth certificate, wants ME to pay to file for divorce and will do everything in his power to dodge paying child support (yeah, I KNOW!!). He also said he plans to deny paternity as a stall tactic and firmly believes he can dodge his responsibilities indefinitely. He has a 4 yr old daughter in FL and has successfully used these tactics to stall supporting her, but he and her mother were never married. Being the only person to buy the things needed to prepare for this baby leaves me in no position to pay an attorney to file for divorce at this particular moment, so what are my options? Does he really have to sign the birth certificate to acknowledge this as being his child even though we are married? And can he really stall support by denying paternity? Because that seems ludacris! Will someone PLEASE give me some much needed info b4 I have a nervous breakdown??? Thanks!
 


rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
frazzlednerves2 said:
What is the name of your state? TN. Im hoping my situation isn't as complicated or as grim as it seems at the moment. Im currently married and have a baby due in 7 weeks. My husband, being the man that he is, took off shortly after we found out about the pregnancy. (The baby is his). I had not heard from him in almost 5 months UNTIL last week (despite the fact I have made countless attempts to reach him). He contacted me to tell me he will not be at the hospital for the birth, will not sign the birth certificate, wants ME to pay to file for divorce and will do everything in his power to dodge paying child support (yeah, I KNOW!!). He also said he plans to deny paternity as a stall tactic and firmly believes he can dodge his responsibilities indefinitely. He has a 4 yr old daughter in FL and has successfully used these tactics to stall supporting her, but he and her mother were never married. Being the only person to buy the things needed to prepare for this baby leaves me in no position to pay an attorney to file for divorce at this particular moment, so what are my options? Does he really have to sign the birth certificate to acknowledge this as being his child even though we are married? And can he really stall support by denying paternity? Because that seems ludacris! Will someone PLEASE give me some much needed info b4 I have a nervous breakdown??? Thanks!
Relax, breathe.......
He doesn't have to sign the BC and he will be the legal father unless and untill he contests it because you are married and he pays to do the DNA test if he is proved to be the father. You should contact social services for medical and other services, during your pregnancy, they will go after him for child support. Contact legal aid for assistance in filing for divorce, support, child support etc.
 

frazzlednerves2

Junior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Relax, breathe.......
He doesn't have to sign the BC and he will be the legal father unless and untill he contests it because you are married and he pays to do the DNA test if he is proved to be the father. You should contact social services for medical and other services, during your pregnancy, they will go after him for child support. Contact legal aid for assistance in filing for divorce, support, child support etc.
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I was starting to have serious doubts about our legal system if a father could actually get away with something like that! I feel better already.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
frazzlednerves2 said:
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I was starting to have serious doubts about our legal system if a father could actually get away with something like that! I feel better already.
You are welcome!
Marriage makes a difference, it doesn't mean he is more likely to actually pay child support, but the process of getting an order is simpler. He may threaten to contest paternity but when he finds out he has to pay, he will think twice. Did you know he was a deadbeat dad when you married him and when you chose to have a child together? The fact that he owes for another child may affect the amount of child support you are awarded. Also be advised that custody and visitation are separate issues from child support and he would have to file for them and dad's often file for these when they are ordered to pay child support..
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
Absolutely, whether he pays the other mother support or not, if there is a court order, that order will be taken into consideration before figuring child support for a second child.

Really, not trying to make you feel worse, but you knew the guy was not parent material before all this, and now there will be two kids paying that price.
 

frazzlednerves2

Junior Member
VeronicaGia said:
Absolutely, whether he pays the other mother support or not, if there is a court order, that order will be taken into consideration before figuring child support for a second child.

Really, not trying to make you feel worse, but you knew the guy was not parent material before all this, and now there will be two kids paying that price.
Ugh, actually I did NOT know. Because his daughter lives in FL he had me thinking he was both paying child support religously AND being jilted by the system (I know...poor guy). It wasn't until after he bailed that I contacted his ex via email and found out that he hasn't paid a penny in support in 4 yrs! This experience has been an eye opener and after waiting 13 yrs to have a 2nd child I feel like a complete idiot, but the good news is that I do work and am capable of making sure this child has everything she needs without his financial support. Im not naive enough to think he will come to his senses and behave like a responsible adult the minute this child comes into the world, but Im also not such a weakling that I intend to scurry off like a scolded puppy and not do my part to teach this deadbeat a lesson in responsibility! After speaking with his ex I also learned that it took 3 1/2 yrs to even get a response out of him from CSE and that he reported only making 688.00/month on the affidavit he signed and returned to them, claiming he only works part-time, and his child support is based on that figure. We were married at the time he filed this affidavit and I know for a fact it was a complete and total lie! The problem I feel I will run into with support is that his employer has been helping him by paying him mostly in cash. They pay him just enough by check that he has proof of employment....and thats it! He works 55-65 hrs per week, and for the past few weeks I have been video taping him going into work at 2pm and leaving at midnight....6 days per week. Is this pointless or will this have an impact on how much support he is ordered to pay...even though there is a prior order in effect that he still isn't paying? Sorry this is so lengthy...when I screw up I do it right!
 

frazzlednerves2

Junior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
You are welcome!
Marriage makes a difference, it doesn't mean he is more likely to actually pay child support, but the process of getting an order is simpler. He may threaten to contest paternity but when he finds out he has to pay, he will think twice. Did you know he was a deadbeat dad when you married him and when you chose to have a child together? The fact that he owes for another child may affect the amount of child support you are awarded. Also be advised that custody and visitation are separate issues from child support and he would have to file for them and dad's often file for these when they are ordered to pay child support..
Ugh, actually I did NOT know. Because his daughter lives in FL he had me thinking he was both paying child support religously AND being jilted by the system (I know...poor guy). It wasn't until after he bailed that I contacted his ex via email and found out that he hasn't paid a penny in support in 4 yrs! This experience has been an eye opener and after waiting 13 yrs to have a 2nd child I feel like a complete idiot, but the good news is that I do work and am capable of making sure this child has everything she needs without his financial support. Im not naive enough to think he will come to his senses and behave like a responsible adult the minute this child comes into the world, but Im also not such a weakling that I intend to scurry off like a scolded puppy and not do my part to teach this deadbeat a lesson in responsibility! After speaking with his ex I also learned that it took 3 1/2 yrs to even get a response out of him from CSE and that he reported only making 688.00/month on the affidavit he signed and returned to them, claiming he only works part-time, and his child support is based on that figure. We were married at the time he filed this affidavit and I know for a fact it was a complete and total lie! The problem I feel I will run into with support is that his employer has been helping him by paying him mostly in cash. They pay him just enough by check that he has proof of employment....and thats it! He works 55-65 hrs per week, and for the past few weeks I have been video taping him going into work at 2pm and leaving at midnight....6 days per week. Is this pointless or will this have an impact on how much support he is ordered to pay...even though there is a prior order in effect that he still isn't paying? Sorry this is so lengthy...when I screw up I do it right!
 

frazzlednerves2

Junior Member
To clarify...Im only trying to protect myself as well as my child. He has made it a point to tell me he "knows how to work the system" and plans to do whatever he can to deny and to stall. He is quite slick and seems to have done quite the number on his 4 yr old. I just want to make sure I take all steps to ensure he doesn't do the same thing to my child. At some point, one of us "idiots" has to stand up for our children and show this joker he can't go around making babies and then shirking his responsibility!
 

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