Baby mama drama

[lbugin]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
NY- When a father (on disability and working on VA benefits) signs away his right to his child how much does the mother still have a right to? Arrears, I'm sure, but how about Disability benefits, VA benefits or future support?

 

[ecmst12]

That thread title is not going to win you any friends around here.

A father CAN NOT sign away his parental rights unless someone else is going to be adopting the child (such as a step parent). And in that case, the mom wouldn't be entitled to anything, since dad won't legally be dad anymore.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
NY- When a father (on disability and working on VA benefits) signs away his right to his child how much does the mother still have a right to? Arrears, I'm sure, but how about Disability benefits, VA benefits or future support?

What's the situation?

Is there are step-parent to adopt?

 

[lbugin]

sorry for the title... I'm just frustrated.

My husband is dealing with his own PTSD and TBI symptoms and on the whole getting better everyday. His daughters mother doesn't make it easy. She is a single mother of 4 kids with 3 fathers and she's only 31. She lies about everything. She treats the child like a carrot on the end of a stick for him to jump through hoops and give the impression that she is a pay check. Other then a 1 hour meeting he hasn't seen his daughter since father's day. He doesn't want to step away from his daughter but for his own sanity he might have too.

I'm not saying all single mother's are like this!!!

She is engaged right now but she has been engaged 3 other times in the past 2 years. I don't think this one will stick.

So please let me get this straight he can not step away as long as the new husband is will to adopt.

 

[lbugin]

So please let me get this straight he can not step away as long as the new husband is will to adopt.

CORRECTION: The new husband is NOT willing to adopt.

BTY: I the love the Dwight Schrute quote!

 

[cyjeff]

A couple things to keep in mind.

One, no matter the woman's character, your husband chose to put his pee pee into her woo woo. I guess her character was sufficient for him to chose her as a sexual partner. Since he also chose YOU as a sexual partner, I recommend you judge her carefully... since he probably used the same pee pee on the both of you.

Two, no matter what you think is fair, he should and, legally, must support his child. If he doesn't have the visitation he desires, he should take mom back to court and sue for more time.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

sorry for the title... I'm just frustrated.

My husband is dealing with his own PTSD and TBI symptoms and on the whole getting better everyday. His daughters mother doesn't make it easy. She is a single mother of 4 kids with 3 fathers and she's only 31. She lies about everything. She treats the child like a carrot on the end of a stick for him to jump through hoops and give the impression that she is a pay check. Other then a 1 hour meeting he hasn't seen his daughter since father's day. He doesn't want to step away from his daughter but for his own sanity he might have too.

I'm not saying all single mother's are like this!!!

She is engaged right now but she has been engaged 3 other times in the past 2 years. I don't think this one will stick.

So please let me get this straight he can not step away as long as the new husband is will to adopt.

Your opinion and summation of her supposed issues don't amount to a hill of beans. I understand that you are concerned with your hubby's mental state, but here's the thing: He's enabling the behavior by not either 1) enforcing an existing court order by filing contempt charges, or 2) not going to court to get visitation BY court order.

I am a vet, the daughter of a Vietnam Vet, the sister of an Iraq War Vet, the niece of a Desert Storm Vet, the ex-wife of a Desert Shield, Desert Storm, Somalia Vet... so I know what PTSD is, and what help is available. You state he is getting better daily, but yet, you don't say whether or not he's receiving benefits he's entitled to or even using them. If the stress of not seeing his daughter and facing paying child support are proving to be too much, he needs to seek MORE help. His obligation is to his daughter. Walking away, or threatening to walk away (or your interpretation of his options) is unacceptable.

I also understand that you stand by your hubby, but really, this is none of your business.

 

[lbugin]

We are in court file for visitation. So far the courts have granted daily phone calls out of 36 days he has called 30 day and talk to his daughter 10 times. I am hoping that the courts see him for who he is beyond what has been told in court. He has not mentioned that to anyone (other then me in tears) that he might have to pull away.

He is not receiving VA benefits at this time. We are still in the proses of overturning his discharge and/or getting benefits for the injuries sustained in combat. After waiting for over a year we finally have an official denial to be able to get a lawyer. We have been screaming for more help for a long time time and things are slowly coming together. About a year ago we came into contact with a therapist that is will to see him pro bono and there is a vet center that has been helping (even though they can do it officially since they are funded by the VA). As of July he got his disability case accepted.

Although i am not a vet my father, grandfather and others in my family are. My parents have be a huge support not only to us but to many other vets over the years. One of the many things the do is have Vet's night dinners at there local elks or American league. Where a wing of the va hospital is invited to dinner. When we are done with our battles i would love to volunteer to help others though the maze of VA benefits and forms.

 

[ecmst12]

I can't believe you would even consider letting him sign away his rights to his child over money. That's kind of disgusting.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Children are helpless. They need someone to take care of them, and the people responsible for that are the people who made them. For this child, one of those people is your husband. What if he could just "sign away his rights"? What's the kid gonna do, say "No problem, Dad, I'll just get a job and buy my own groceries"??

This isn't a puppy you put out on the highway because you can't take care of him anymore. This is a child. Your husband is the child' parent. You can't just sign off on that. Your husband's problems might not be his fault but they're not the child's fault, either.

 

[Proserpina]

CORRECTION: The new husband is NOT willing to adopt.

BTY: I the love the Dwight Schrute quote!

Correct - if there is no step-parent willing to adopt, it's not going to happen.

And for good reason. Kiddo shouldn't be the one suffering as a result of parental misfortune or mistakes.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

What kind of discharge does he have? He doesn't need a medical discharge to get VA benefits. Honorable discharge is just fine. He doesn't have to jump through any hoops unless he screwed up and got kicked out.
Where was he injured and who was he attached to when he was hurt? There are different groups that help veterans depending on the conflict/war etc.

Honorable and general discharges qualify a veteran for most VA benefits. Dishonorable and bad conduct discharges issued by general courts-martial may bar VA benefits. Veterans in prison and parolees may be eligible for certain VA benefits. VA regional offices can clarify the eligibility of prisoners, parolees and individuals with multiple discharges issued under differing conditions.

http://www.military.com/benefits/veteran-benefits/veterans-benefits

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

there is no WE!

again, in the case of the custody/support/visitation, there is NO WE! There is your husband and his ex and the child in question.

 

[respectthedad]

i have to say something here. when i was refused my daughters for a year. There was soo much drama and someone gave me adivce similiar to what her husband is thinking. that was to sign over my rights so that the mother would be forced to think about the child only and not the drama.. of course I never did it. but it seems some people feel its in the best interest of the child. my sister in law's boyfriend hardy saw his dad because of the drama his mother created. he is now 30 and spends most of his time with his father. his own mother is refusing to go to thier wedding if he is invited.
these people are out there. lets fame it and siging rights over is not always for the person doing it.

and on another note you dont see the true colors of someone til they hate you and want control of your children to the extent of ridiculas, petty games and stunts.

 

[lbugin]

During his time in Iraq as a marine. He sustained injuries in an IED explosion. When he got back to base he had surgery for a shrapnel wound on his foot. Which didn't heal properly and needs a second surgery. He also tried to seek guidance for his PTSD Symptoms, not knowing at the time what it was. The symptoms are also compounded by a TBI that he also sustained in the explosion. He never received any counseling on base and was eventually brought up on charges and discharged with a BCD. Which would have never happened if he didn't have PTSD and a TBI or was medical discharge when he received his injuries. We are in the middle of working to get either his discharge over turned or having his combat related injuries taken care of.

Thank you all for answer my question. "respect the dad" thank you for your understanding. I'm sorry if i get crucified for saying so but it's not always completely the father's fault.

"should i ask" I don't know if your married but if you are i would hope that you face your life as a team. If it you are just two individuals the why be married. I know in court I don't count but I'm his support when he walks out the door. Also in this situation i'm not only a wife but a caretaker and when the child is around she IS my responsibility.

This is not a road i would have ever thought i would take. It pains me to even think about walking away from my step daughter. I wish that, in the courts eyes, we were in a position where we could take her full time.

i never wanted to leave her empty handed. The answer I was hoping for was that he could walk away but she would still received the disability and VA benefits (when we get them).