babysitting for 6 months

[namenotinuse]

What is the name of your state? FL

I have had my neice living with me for 6 months now, the girl is my wifes sisters daughter. we agreed to take her on as her mother (my sister in law) was having some problems holding a job/place to live/ etc.. My sister in law has almost constant run-ins with the police, she has moved 30 times (no exaggeration) in the first 2 years of her daughters life. My sister in law is in no shape to take care of this kid as far as I am concerned, but she will not admit it. This is also not the first time we have had her daughter, 1 month before she was dropped off this time she was picked up by her mother after a 2-3 month stay with us, after my sister in law noticed that we were taking better care of her than she was and got very defensive about it.

We live 200 miles away from my sister in law, she calls once a week or so and stops by whenever she can hitch a ride from someone else in the family. I just had to watch her come up and spend her tax return money (for child tax credit by the way) on taking her daughter to disney world. The day she got that money, she quit her job of 2 weeks, saying her management was 'too picky'. Her mother has used her name/SSN to hook up telephone /cable service then let payments lapse and the list goes on.

So after that long story, what are my options? I can't see her coming to get her any time soon, her daughter is about to start kindergarten here with us. Can i prove abandonment, do i have any chances of getting custody and ending all of this?

Oh, the father - not in the picture- the little girl actually has a restraining order against him..

 

[stealth2]

File for custody, expect Mom to come get the kid as soon as she's served, and you'll be free of your obligation.

 

[namenotinuse]

yeah i figure that will work, i could also just bring her back and drop her on her doorstep.

problem is, i would be leaving my neice with someone who obviously doesn't want her and is not financially prepared for raising a child. (nor is she mentally fit, she's a big kid herself)

do i have any chances of winning a custody battle with her? I have 2 children of my own already- i would think it is obvious to any court that the mother has no interest in raising her child after this long of a time period and the mother has made no progress. she lives with her boyfriend just going out and partying every day. She is parked at my house right now and my wife saw an open beer can in her car- do you just give her daughter back to her?? - i mean she was arrested twice last month- what happens to her daughter next time she gets arrested- i can not be so heartless as to just give up on the girl- but do i have any other choice? can i win in court? or do i just put up with this for as long as i have to put up with it?

 

[stealth2]

Depends on how much money you have - it's going to cost a lot to take custody from the bio-mom.

 

[namenotinuse]

i have been given advice to seek help through the local DCF and legal aid services, i'm assuming that this will not be worth my time based on your last post, correct?

Is there any type of documentation or proof that i need to be gathering before taking this to court? What types of things will the court be looking for?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? FL

I have had my neice living with me for 6 months now, the girl is my wifes sisters daughter. we agreed to take her on as her mother (my sister in law) was having some problems holding a job/place to live/ etc.. My sister in law has almost constant run-ins with the police, she has moved 30 times (no exaggeration) in the first 2 years of her daughters life. My sister in law is in no shape to take care of this kid as far as I am concerned, but she will not admit it. This is also not the first time we have had her daughter, 1 month before she was dropped off this time she was picked up by her mother after a 2-3 month stay with us, after my sister in law noticed that we were taking better care of her than she was and got very defensive about it.

We live 200 miles away from my sister in law, she calls once a week or so and stops by whenever she can hitch a ride from someone else in the family. I just had to watch her come up and spend her tax return money (for child tax credit by the way) on taking her daughter to disney world. The day she got that money, she quit her job of 2 weeks, saying her management was 'too picky'. Her mother has used her name/SSN to hook up telephone /cable service then let payments lapse and the list goes on.

So after that long story, what are my options? I can't see her coming to get her any time soon, her daughter is about to start kindergarten here with us. Can i prove abandonment, do i have any chances of getting custody and ending all of this?

Oh, the father - not in the picture- the little girl actually has a restraining order against him..

_____________________

No, you can't claim abandonment as she has clearly not abandoned the child. She has left the child in the care of responsible people and has regular contact with the child. That's not abandonment.

Why in the world would you object to her taking her daughter to Disney World?

You don't have standing to gain custody of the child, but your wife eventually may. I think you would be pushing it however for your wife to try this soon. Your wife can't claim abandonment, and trying to claim unfitness would be a bit iffy. Therefore your wife's argument would need to be that the child has been established in your custody and that to move the child would be detrimental to the child's best interest. Six months, unfortunately, isn't long enough to accomplish that.

 

[namenotinuse]

I object to her taking her daughter to Disney World because we have her daughter while she is trying to do more responsible things. Blowing money at disney world is not what you should be doing when you have no job and are living solely off the 2000 you got from taxes. I also object to it because she had agreed to give us half of that money, (since we have been either babysitting, or having her live with us for most of her life) and we got none of it, and she quit her job the same day that she had only had for a few weeks. You have to admit that is a very irresponsible thing to do when you have not had your kid for 6 months and are out of work - especially since we are 200 miles away.

I appreciate any advice I'm given, even if it's not what I'd like to here- i'm well aware that there may be nothing i can do. And maybe it seems i'm blowing this out of proportion - but understand it is due to years of having an in-law that continues to mooch from the family and also continues to spit in our faces for helping her.

 

[namenotinuse]

oh and to add to it, imagine yourself taking care of someones daughter while they collect child support checks and spend all their time partying with the money!

 

[Ohiogal]

oh and to add to it, imagine yourself taking care of someones daughter while they collect child support checks and spend all their time partying with the money!

Here is the thing -- you are ALLOWING her to mooch off of you. YOu have allowed SIL to drop her kid with you. If you didn't allow it she couldnt' do it. How are you legally registering the child for kindergarten? Usually you would need guardianship to do that. YOu don't seem to have that.

 

[namenotinuse]

i had temporary guardianship so that i could put her in daycare- that will need to be renewed to get her into kindergarten i think.

i get the impression that you think that i am trying to get back at her or get her in some sort of trouble for all of this, i don't need to do that- she takes care of that on her own. my interest is with the child. i am aware that we allow her to mooch off of us, only because we have to keep everything 'nice nice' so that she doesn't fly off the handle and come take her daughter back again (because we know she would come back anyway, and all that moving around is not good for the child)- the child has some emotional issues that i was also wondering would be able to play into all of this. She has never been professionally evaluated, but she seems to be deathly afraid of men (she is still pretty afraid of me). She used to scream whenever i would approach her when she was younger, i think a psychologist might be able to recognize some of this as disturbing.

we have to continue to walk on eggshells around the whole situation because she is unreasonable. but it seems legally there is nothing i can do, so it seems more of an ethical question i have: Do I give her child back to her knowing she will never get her act together and feel guilty for however bad she messes her daughter up? Or do i keep her for as long as i can and hope for the best? As long as i keep her, i cannot keep her from her mother- and she will continue to play us as the bad parents, and play herself as the 'cool mom', it happens all too often. Because of this it is likely we will continue to have problems with her daughter as long as the mother is allowed to expose her daughter to her lifestyle, showing her how cool it is to not work, mooch from others, and be generally disrespectful and ignorant.

 

[stealth2]

Because of this it is likely we will continue to have problems with her daughter as long as the mother is allowed to expose her daughter to her lifestyle, showing her how cool it is to not work, mooch from others, and be generally disrespectful and ignorant.

Well, as much as you may not like it, she IS the child's mother and she has much greater rights than you do.

 

[namenotinuse]

it seems like i am between a rock and a hard place and that there is no chance for any legal action to change the situation. I do appreciate all the advice however.