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[mom2mike]

What is the name of your state?
PA
Well, son just turned 15 & is still getting into trouble. The latest is sneaking out of the house to drink @ a friends house. I woke him up for school and thought I smelled alcohol. A bad cold made it hard to tell. I asked him about it and of course he said no. After i dropped him off at school I came home to find footprints coming into my house by the backdoor and sneakers that are not my sons. I knew instantly that he was guilty, drove back to school and brought him home. Here I find out his poor excuse was because I threw his father in jail. I knew there was a warrant for non payment but didn't know he was caught. I come to find out that the day before someone from domestic relations called, spoke to my then 14 year old & told him that his father was in jail. If anyone read my other posts, this has been going on far too long and my ex is not helping his son at all. I even overheard a conversation of the ex telling the son "When you do sneak out, sneak back in the same way so you won't get caught." I'm wondering if I can get full custody so he won't be able to make any decisions regarding his son. (I don't think he's made a good one in years) and also if he dosen't want to pay support this is his way out. It's already up to $1,800. Can I do this?

 

[stealth2]

I think you mean you want to terminate his parental rights. Even if you have sole legal & physical custody, he'll owe support and have the right to visitation. But to get a TPR, you'll likely need to have your current husband adopt the boy - and at 15, HIS consent will likely be required to have an adoption go through.

 

[casa]

I think you mean you want to terminate his parental rights. Even if you have sole legal & physical custody, he'll owe support and have the right to visitation. But to get a TPR, you'll likely need to have your current husband adopt the boy - and at 15, HIS consent will likely be required to have an adoption go through.

In addition to that, you'd have to read PA guidlelines for TPR~ some states require no contact &/or no support for a specific period of time...and others also require a step-parent be willing to adopt.

If your son is acting out or you are concerned about possible alcohol abuse (hard to tell in a teen ) You could pursue counseling or a variety of teen programs for your son. You can also speak with the school counselor to see if they can assist you.

I think your main concern was the alcohol &/or father's negative influence on the son...but it's more a safety concern if your child is sneaking out past curfew without you knowing where they are.

 

[trustknow1]

I have only read this post, not your other posts.....but 15 year old boys do things like that on their own too. When I was 14, I would sneak out my window at 2am to meet three other friends, and we would all run around a nearby neighborhood in our underwear. All four of us would climb up on various peoples' brick walls in their backyards. At the signal, all four of us would jump into their pools, then run like h##l. We also drank liquor a few times, too. (friend's dad was a liquor salesman).

My parent's were happily married. I did what your son did a few times, mostly because I was 14. I am not trying to discount your situation, but some of these things are just what 15 year olds do...

How were you in a position to be able to overhear your ex giving your son that advice? Just curious?

 

[mom2mike]

I overheard the conversation when picking up another line, not knowing he was on. I couldn't believe what i heard & confronted the ex about & he denies it (of course). He's sitting in jail now & I will not except collect calls from him, why should I pay for the wrongs he commited, and told him he could write to his son if he wanted to. I also refuse to let my son go there to see him. I told my ex that in 1999 when he was in for DUI. Our son has seen his father in jail 5 or so times & it's not a place for kids. Adoption is not something my son would go for. All I want is for him to follow the morals & values we have tried to instill in him & do what's right. I was once 14 & 15 and today it's nothing like 20-40 years ago. You know that. I can only wish my son was sneaking into neighbors pools! It's much more dangerous now, new drugs for them to try, perverts all around, the list goes on. Would you want your grandkids doing this? I doubt it.

 

[trustknow1]

Grandkids? Yikes, my daughter is only 12. But I understand your point. It is a scary world out there, for sure. It is a wonder any of us survive teen years.

Don't know if I agree with the refusal to let your son see his dad. He is old enough to see things for himself. Might just do some good to reinforce the consequences of bad behavior via example (visiting dad). You do want to support your son's need for a Mom AND a Dad....regardless of dad's obvious failure to grasp the concept of being a role model. If he wants to see dad, I would allow it. It does not send the message to your son that you approve of dad's behavior (your son knows how you feel). It will show your son your concern for his feelings.

Good Luck

 

[mom2mike]

Thank you. I'm taking your advice, what could it hurt?