Bad Behavior Being Rewarded?

[California9909]

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA

My x-wife and i are in the middle of a reunification process so i can regain a relationship w/the kids (she kept the kids away because of a stupid argument but now wants me back in their life) and i was thrilled so we signed the papers to get this process started and now the x is not cooperating - she refuses to drive kids to the therapists office and she's having the kids write these dumb letters to her atty that make me look like the rear end of a horse.

I thought we'd all start healing and move on, but now she's frustrating the process and my lawyer basically told me the judge wont care that she refused to do anything and basically it is all up to me (i guess cuz i'm a man?) to do all the work (all the driving is what it amounts to) instead of meeting halfway like we used to do.

FYI, no, the agreement we signed does not say who has to drive - i just assumed (dumb) that because the therapists office was square at the halfway point of our homes, that we'd meet halfway and do it there. No, she seems to think i'm supposed to drive, pick up kids, go to therapy, drive them back, then drive home... to do it HER way, we're talking 360 miles vs. meeting in the middle.

i'm at my wits end here.

is it true that judges dont really care about 'bad behavior' on the part of the mom and that i will be asked to do all the work or pay up?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA

My x-wife and i are in the middle of a reunification process (she kept the kids away because of a stupid argument but now wants me back in their life) and i was thrilled so we signed the papers to get this process started and now the x is not cooperating - she refuses to drive kids to the therapists office and she's having the kids write these dumb letters to her atty that make me look like the rear end of a horse.

I thought we'd all start healing and move on, but now she's frustrating the process and my lawyer basically told me the judge wont care that she refused to do anything and basically it is all up to me (i guess cuz i'm a man?) to do all the work (all the driving is what it amounts to) instead of meeting halfway like we used to do.

FYI, no, the agreement we signed does not say who has to drive - i just assumed (dumb) that because the therapists office was square at the halfway point of our homes, that we'd do it there. No, she seems to think i'm supposed to drive, pick up kids, go to therapy, drive them back, then drive home... to do it HER way, we're talking 360 miles vs. meeting in the middle.

i'm at my wits end here.

is it true that judges dont really care about 'bad behavior' on the part of the mom and that i will be asked to do all the work or pay up?

That's an incredibly broad question and will elicit nothing but opinions.

But while we're doing opinions, I opine that you are crazy-nuts to think your "wife" is interested in reunification. She's at it again already, trying to alienate your children. I vote her off your island...if you're asking me.

 

[Zephyr]

just for clarification- what do your orders say regarding time?

why can't you pick up the childrenat the start of your parenting time, go to the counselors, return home with the children and at the end of your parenting time, mom can come get the lids

 

[California9909]

just for clarification- what do your orders say regarding time?

why can't you pick up the childrenat the start of your parenting time, go to the counselors, return home with the children and at the end of your parenting time, mom can come get the lids

The orders state we (me and the kids) are to see Jane Doe (therapist) to begin a reunification process.... nothing more... really vague. according to the latest agreement, I have no parenting time until after the reunification process.

 

[Silverplum]

The orders state we (me and the kids) are to see Jane Doe (therapist) to begin a reunification process.... nothing more... really vague. according to the latest agreement, I have no parenting time until after the reunification process.

So your X is NOT interested in YOUR relationship with the children.

 

[California9909]

That's an incredibly broad question and will elicit nothing but opinions.

But while we're doing opinions, I opine that you are crazy-nuts to think your "wife" is interested in reunification. She's at it again already, trying to alienate your children. I vote her off your island...if you're asking me.

Thank you SP, you're right, "she's at it again, trying to alienate the children" is EXACTLY what i'm going to say to my lawyer.

 

[California9909]

So your X is NOT interested in YOUR relationship with the children.

She 'claims' she wants the kids to have a relationship w/me (for their sake, not mine of course) but in any event, she's not cooperating... i have already met w/thereapist, made a 2nd appt that the kids were supposed to come to and the x said she would not drive them and then she had the kids write letters to her atty stating they were 'afraid' to drive all that way. She did this right after i got an email from the younger child stating 'oh boy, cant wait to see you on Friday'... then mommy's email came saying NO WAY, cancel!

 

[Zephyr]

She 'claims' she wants the kids to have a relationship w/me (for their sake, not mine of course) but in any event, she's not cooperating... i have already met w/thereapist, made a 2nd appt that the kids were supposed to come to and the x said she would not drive them and then she had the kids write letters to her atty stating they were 'afraid' to drive all that way. She did this right after i got an email from the younger child stating 'oh boy, cant wait to see you on Friday'... then mommy's email came saying NO WAY, cancel!

how long have you been out of the children's lives? how old are the kids?

 

[California9909]

how long have you been out of the children's lives? how old are the kids?

18 & 13 and it has been about a year since i've had the steady every-other-weekend deal... it's been a long drag out fight in court to even get THIS far.

See, she got mad at me cuz i wouldn't take the kids out of school and baby sit them while she went on vacation - this happens every year with her and i'm NOT going to allow the kids to miss school so she can sunbathe. anyway, i have had email / and some phone contact w/kids but really nothing impressive.

then xwife drags me to court again claiming it was ME who didn't want to be w/kids blah blah... whatever, i'm tired of fighting and want to see the kids so i said great, let's start a reunifcation process and go back to hapily ever after... here we are.

 

[California9909]

also, before this comes up, YES i have been paying my support all along even tho she's kept the kids from me...

 

[Zephyr]

what motions have been filed with the court for this current round?

 

[California9909]

what motions have been filed with the court for this current round?

modification of custody / support. WHICH reminds me of something else, I submitted to my attorney ALL of my financial info, my tax returns, pay stubs, whatever xwife asked for, i gave it. Do you think the xwife gave hers? NO!

so i guess the bottom line question here is, how long will the courts allow her to behave this way? will the judge see thru her? or will i get creamed just cuz i'm the man and men are always the bad guy when it comes to kids.

 

[Zephyr]

modification of custody / support. WHICH reminds me of something else, I submitted to my attorney ALL of my financial info, my tax returns, pay stubs, whatever xwife asked for, i gave it. Do you think the xwife gave hers? NO!

so i guess the bottom line question here is, how long will the courts allow her to behave this way? will the judge see thru her? or will i get creamed just cuz i'm the man and men are always the bad guy when it comes to kids.

that was a joint motion correct?

what exactly was requested? it might be time to go ahead and file an amended petition (or your state's equivalent)- requesting parenting time that starts immediatly- it's not like the children don't know you....and stipulate that you will continue counseling with them

 

[California9909]

that was a joint motion correct?

what exactly was requested? it might be time to go ahead and file an amended petition (or your state's equivalent)- requesting parenting time that starts immediatly- it's not like the children don't know you....and stipulate that you will continue counseling with them

I'm not sure joint? she did this, i went along with it. so i'm not sure.

As for her docs, even my attorney isn't clear WHAT she wants other than to modify the existing agreements.

we havent even started counseling yet... thanks to her. i do believe we need some time w/a counselor before we 'jump' back into the way it was.

 

[Ohiogal]

The child at the age of 18 doesn't have to go along with the court order.