Battle of the s...ex's

[J&A]

Battle of the ex's

What is the name of your state?CA



Revising to hopefully get a response

Questions:

Do courts give 50/50 custody to parents who do not get along wonderfully?

Do courts think it is actually good for a father to be involved only eow? If they see a father who genuinely wants to be involved, are they likely to grant more visitation?

We have gotten along better then usual for the past 3 months, but I know that when we go to court she will start with the usual "he's abusive, he is verbally abusive, unstable, deadbeat bla bla bla." And for the record, this is a woman who has broken my nose, thrown huge telephones at my head, pulled knives on me... I have never touched her. I won't lie, I have called her a few names in the past, but am very calm and friendly now even when she is screaming and yelling.

Anyway, will the mediator or judge take any of these accusations seriously?

Should I even bring up the things she has/ does do?

Or would it be in my best interest to just speak of positive things I can do for the children instead of countering with what she has done?

Can I file contempt charges for her not giving me first right of refusal when she attends school 2 nights a week and our kids stay at her Mom and Dad's house? Not that I am against them spending time with their Grandparents, I just think they need more time with their Dad Will this help my case?

I have never been to court before this except for the divorce, I am worried that she will "crush me in court" as she says. Any input, even harsh from those of you that have been there, is much appreciated.

 

[J&A]

I revised it to make it easier to read

Cut out most of my rambling..... Any advice anyone?

 

[nextwife]

Baracuda Attorney.

 

[abstract99]

Do courts give 50/50 custody to parents who do not get along wonderfully? Not usually

Do courts think it is actually good for a father to be involved only eow? If they see a father who genuinely wants to be involved, are they likely to grant more visitation? It depends on the circumstances of the requested change.

We have gotten along better then usual for the past 3 months, but I know that when we go to court she will start with the usual "he's abusive, he is verbally abusive, unstable, deadbeat bla bla bla." And for the record, this is a woman who has broken my nose, thrown huge telephones at my head, pulled knives on me... I have never touched her. I won't lie, I have called her a few names in the past, but am very calm and friendly now even when she is screaming and yelling. So tell the court that. Do you have pictures of your injuries? I took pictures of the injuries when my ex beat me down one day.

Anyway, will the mediator or judge take any of these accusations seriously? The purpose of a mediator is to be unbiased and give advice as to how to resolve your problems. A jusge might. Who knows.

Should I even bring up the things she has/ does do? Hell freicken yeah. Why wouldn't you?

Or would it be in my best interest to just speak of positive things I can do for the children instead of countering with what she has done? Why don't you do both?

Can I file contempt charges for her not giving me first right of refusal when she attends school 2 nights a week and our kids stay at her Mom and Dad's house? Not that I am against them spending time with their Grandparents, I just think they need more time with their Dad Will this help my case? It depends if you are allowed to have the right of caretaker when she is not. If she has sole custody she might be within her rights to decide

 

[J&A]

Thank you for the response. To clarify, I have first right of refusal for anytime she cannot watch them past 4 hours. That is what the court order states. She attends school 2 days per week for over 4 hours and at that time our children stay the entire day/night with their Grandparents. She claims that our the Grandparents have just as much right to watch them as I do. So I am asking the courts for those two days PLUS switch every other Friday , Sat, Sun. That would give me 50% custody. If she followed what the court order said, I would basically have 50% custody because those days she would let me spend time with our kids.


So I am just wondering if my case is pretty easy considering that fact, and if it would help to file contempt? Or useless? And if it is hard to prove contempt on denying first right of refusal?

 

[J&A]

nextwife: Baracuda Attorney.

LOL!!! Yes I just got an attorney, he returns phone calls and seems ok.... I hope. Unfortunately I have a baracuda ex..... seriously got to giver her some credit, she stops at absolutely nothing has no remorse, conscience..... nothing. But what can I say I picked her for some stupid reason.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?CA



Revising to hopefully get a response

Questions:

Do courts give 50/50 custody to parents who do not get along wonderfully?

Iffy...very judge specific in my opinion.

Do courts think it is actually good for a father to be involved only eow? If they see a father who genuinely wants to be involved, are they likely to grant more visitation?

Yes, but it depends on distance to a great extent.

We have gotten along better then usual for the past 3 months, but I know that when we go to court she will start with the usual "he's abusive, he is verbally abusive, unstable, deadbeat bla bla bla." And for the record, this is a woman who has broken my nose, thrown huge telephones at my head, pulled knives on me... I have never touched her. I won't lie, I have called her a few names in the past, but am very calm and friendly now even when she is screaming and yelling.

Unlikely without some sort of outside evidence....which goes for both of you.

Anyway, will the mediator or judge take any of these accusations seriously?

Should I even bring up the things she has/ does do? /QUOTE]

Again, not without outside evidence.

Or would it be in my best interest to just speak of positive things I can do for the children instead of countering with what she has done?

ABSOLUTELY

Can I file contempt charges for her not giving me first right of refusal when she attends school 2 nights a week and our kids stay at her Mom and Dad's house? Not that I am against them spending time with their Grandparents, I just think they need more time with their Dad Will this help my case?

Another really iffy one....It depends on whether or not the court would decide to view that as babysitting or extended family visitation.

I have never been to court before this except for the divorce, I am worried that she will "crush me in court" as she says. Any input, even harsh from those of you that have been there, is much appreciated.

Its unlikely that she is going to "crush you in court"...but please refer back to my previous answers.

 

[J&A]

Hey thank you very much LdiJ, seriously. I appreciate it. So I will just kind of shrug off her accusations and bring the conversation back to the kids and how I can help them and what is in our kids best interest. That is what I will focus on.

 

[J&A]

One more question

LdiJ - Another really iffy one....It depends on whether or not the court would decide to view that as babysitting or extended family visitation.

LdiJ, after reading your answer I have some more questions For you or anyone else who knows and can answer.....

My court order states nothing about extended family visitation. But it DOES say

"Shoud either parent, for any reason, need to be absent from the home for more than 4 hours or overnight while the child is in his or her physical custody, the other parent shall be advised and given the opportunity to care for the child before other arrengements are made."

Are there certain guidelines for courts in determining whether it is extended family visitation or baby sitting? Or is this just up to the judges discression?

Is the fact that these are the hours the ex is in school make a difference?

Can I file a contempt charge based on what the court order says?

And for the record I live closer to my kids (about 10 miles) then the Grandparents do.

 

[LdiJ]

LdiJ, after reading your answer I have some more questions For you or anyone else who knows and can answer.....

My court order states nothing about extended family visitation. But it DOES say

"Shoud either parent, for any reason, need to be absent from the home for more than 4 hours or overnight while the child is in his or her physical custody, the other parent shall be advised and given the opportunity to care for the child before other arrengements are made."

Most night school classes don't make a parent be away for more than 4 hours...so take that into consideration.

Are there certain guidelines for courts in determining whether it is extended family visitation or baby sitting? Or is this just up to the judges discression?

Is the fact that these are the hours the ex is in school make a difference?

Its honestly pretty much up to the judge. If those nights are the only "alone time" that the grandparents spend with the kids that can make a difference in how the judge views it.

Can I file a contempt charge based on what the court order says?

Of course you can. Whether or not you can file for contempt isn't the issue. The issue is whether or not you will be successful in getting her found in contempt. If it was a regular babysitter taking care of the kids while she is in school I would feel that you would be guaranteed that she would be found in contempt. However, since its family I think the odds are 50/50 at best.