Battling A Move And Rights

[JOCOLE]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA

PLEASE HELP ME WITH ANSWERS: MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN SEPARATED NOW FOR 2 YEARS. I HAVE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND HE WAS ALREADY SERVED BUT THE PAPERWORK WERE NEVER TURNED IN. TECHNICALLY WE ARE STILL MARRIED..BUT SEPARATED ( NOT LEGALLY ).
I HAVE GONE THROUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM HIM IN THE COURSE OF OUR SEPARATION. WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 6 YEARS OLD AND HAS WITNESSED OUR PROBLEMS. WE HAVE BEEN BOTH RESPONSIBLE WITH OUR KIDS AND WE TOOK CARE OF THEM EQUALLY ON A DAILY BASIS. HE WORKED AT NIGHT AND I WORKED DURING THE DAY. NOW, MY REAL PROBLEM STARTS NOW THAT I AM PLANNING TO MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE TO BETTER MY FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL SITUATION. HE FEELS THAT IM ABANDONNING MY CHILDREN AND WANTS TO GAIN FULL CUSTODY OF THEM WITHOUT GIVING ME THE RIGHTS TO SEE THEM WHENEVER I CAN. IS THAT POSSIBLE? CAN HE EVEN DO THAT? HE'S NOT THINKING OF THE CHILDREN BUT HIS OWN SELFISH FEELINGS. HE CANT SWALLOW THE FACT THAT I WANT TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND HES USING THE KIDS AS A TOOL TO HURT ME KNOWING THEY ARE MY WEAKNESS. I DONT WANT THIS TYPE OF BATTLE BUT I FEEL THAT I NEED ADVISE AND REASSURANCE THAT I STILL HAVE MY RIGHTS AS A MOTHER. HE WANTS TO MAKE IT SEEM AS IF IM AN UNFIT MOTHER BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE AND WILLHAVE TO START OVER FROM SCRATCH AT ANOTHER STATE. JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND BETTER MYSELF CAN HE USE THAT AGAINST ME?? I UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL BE CONSIDERED AS THE NCP AND HE WILL BE THE CP BECAUSE IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR MY CHILDREN TO STAY WHERE THEY ARE AND WHERE THEY ARE COMFORTABLE..MY MOVE IS TO NEW YORK CITY..I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE MY VISITATION RIGHTS AND BE CIVIL WITH THIS MAN..I KNOW THAT THE FIRST THING I HAVE TO DO IS TURN IN MY FILED PAPERWORK SO I CAN GET THE DIVORCED PROCESS THAT REQUEST FOR US TO HAVE JOINT CUSTODY BUT HES ALREADY NOT LETTING ME SEE MY CHILDREN..NOT EVEN SPEAK TO THEM ON THE PHONE...WHAT DO I DO IN THE MEANTIME? PLEASE HELP..SOMEBODY

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA

PLEASE HELP ME WITH ANSWERS: MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN SEPARATED NOW FOR 2 YEARS. I HAVE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND HE WAS ALREADY SERVED BUT THE PAPERWORK WERE NEVER TURNED IN. TECHNICALLY WE ARE STILL MARRIED..BUT SEPARATED ( NOT LEGALLY ).
I HAVE GONE THROUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM HIM IN THE COURSE OF OUR SEPARATION. WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 6 YEARS OLD AND HAS WITNESSED OUR PROBLEMS. WE HAVE BEEN BOTH RESPONSIBLE WITH OUR KIDS AND WE TOOK CARE OF THEM EQUALLY ON A DAILY BASIS. HE WORKED AT NIGHT AND I WORKED DURING THE DAY. NOW, MY REAL PROBLEM STARTS NOW THAT I AM PLANNING TO MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE TO BETTER MY FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL SITUATION. HE FEELS THAT IM ABANDONNING MY CHILDREN AND WANTS TO GAIN FULL CUSTODY OF THEM WITHOUT GIVING ME THE RIGHTS TO SEE THEM WHENEVER I CAN. IS THAT POSSIBLE? CAN HE EVEN DO THAT? HE'S NOT THINKING OF THE CHILDREN BUT HIS OWN SELFISH FEELINGS. HE CANT SWALLOW THE FACT THAT I WANT TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND HES USING THE KIDS AS A TOOL TO HURT ME KNOWING THEY ARE MY WEAKNESS. I DONT WANT THIS TYPE OF BATTLE BUT I FEEL THAT I NEED ADVISE AND REASSURANCE THAT I STILL HAVE MY RIGHTS AS A MOTHER. JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND BETTER MYSELF CAN THAT BE USED AGAINST ME?...PLEASE HELP..SOMEBODY

OK, first turn off caps lock- it comes off as shouting.

Next, if I understand this correctly you are agreeable to him having primary physical custody- but you don't want to be denied fair visitations? If that is the case, tell him you'll give him custody if he agrees to make it a court order which specifies dates/times of visitation- that way you can enforce those visits or he will risk being in contempt of court.

You will have to address child support. What will you pay? Will you pay? He may agree to no support if you agree to him having custody- however, I believe a child deserves to be supported by both parents.

 

[JOCOLE]

CALIFORNIA

Im sorry for the caps lock..forceof habit.

Being that I am the one that chose to move is the reason why I am not contesting him having full custody if thats what the court would order. He feels that the court would grant him full custody and no visitation rights for me because I want to move to another state. Thats mainly my question, if thats even possible for him to get. Also, the fact that he wont let me see them now is whats killing me. We still have 50/50 rights being that were still legally married. Is my only option of being able to see my kids now before I get the courts involved is by bringing the police to his home so he can open the door?? I dont want my kids to have to see all that. Its drama that hes trying to bring inthe situation without thinking of the children..

 

[LdiJ]

CALIFORNIA

Im sorry for the caps lock..forceof habit.

Being that I am the one that chose to move is the reason why I am not contesting him having full custody if thats what the court would order. He feels that the court would grant him full custody and no visitation rights for me because I want to move to another state. Thats mainly my question, if thats even possible for him to get. Also, the fact that he wont let me see them now is whats killing me. We still have 50/50 rights being that were still legally married. Is my only option of being able to see my kids now before I get the courts involved is by bringing the police to his home so he can open the door?? I dont want my kids to have to see all that. Its drama that hes trying to bring inthe situation without thinking of the children..

Ok...first, he is totally full of it.....or living in fantasyland....if he thinks that a judge won't allow you visitation rights if you are living in another state. In fact, its totally unlikely that he would get full custody either. These days its far more normal for the parents to have joint legal custody (joint decision making) with one parent having primary physical custody.

Yes, the fact that you are still married means that you have 50/50 rights. However, at the same time because you are still married you have no ENFORCEABLE custody rights (ie, no court orders)...and the police WILL NOT get involved.

What you need to do is either hire an attorney to get court orders established for parenting time.....or you need to talk to the self-help center or family law facilitator for your county to do it yourself.

 

[JOCOLE]

battling a move and rights

Thank You very much for your responses. It puts me at ease. Atleast now I know that I need to get our divorce rolling so I can really have my rights. I may have to endure the fact that I cant see my kids for a little while since I cant afford a lawyer to represent me right now.