Beginning child custody

[goodluck]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello, I am at the beginning of my child custody case. My soon to be ex-wife has filed for divorce and wants full custody of our 1-year old daughter. She has already stated that she want physical custody and that I will only be able to have vistation. Presently, she has been keeping me away from my daughter-even though the break-up was because she moved another man into our house. I am moving back to NY in 2 months and our court date is not until January. I want joint custody of our daughter (every other year) but I am new to the system and dont know how to go about it. She has already filed the paperwork for the divorce/child custody. I need help....done's anyone out there have any good advice?

 

[Rushia]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello, I am at the beginning of my child custody case. My soon to be ex-wife has filed for divorce and wants full custody of our 1-year old daughter. She has already stated that she want physical custody and that I will only be able to have vistation. Presently, she has been keeping me away from my daughter-even though the break-up was because she moved another man into our house. I am moving back to NY in 2 months and our court date is not until January. I want joint custody of our daughter (every other year) but I am new to the system and dont know how to go about it. She has already filed the paperwork for the divorce/child custody. I need help....done's anyone out there have any good advice?

Frankly, I think that any judge would be reluctant to do an EO year arrangement. You may end up with joint legal and your ex having primary. To do a true joint custody, you would have to live close enough to your ex to make it work for the child.

 

[stealth2]

I don't see that working for the child, to be honest. Not from opposite sides of the country. Especially when she starts school - essentially, every year she'd be going to a new school and she'll never feel like part of any community.

Why do you need to move back to NY? Do you realize that it will pretty well ensure that you'll be responsible for 100% of the transportation? What sort of visitation schedule do you envision for the "other" parent?

I'd rethink your relocation.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello, I am at the beginning of my child custody case. My soon to be ex-wife has filed for divorce and wants full custody of our 1-year old daughter. She has already stated that she want physical custody and that I will only be able to have vistation. Presently, she has been keeping me away from my daughter-even though the break-up was because she moved another man into our house. I am moving back to NY in 2 months and our court date is not until January. I want joint custody of our daughter (every other year) but I am new to the system and dont know how to go about it. She has already filed the paperwork for the divorce/child custody. I need help....done's anyone out there have any good advice?

I have to reiterate what the others said. The odds of a judge ordering an every other year arrangement are slim to none. Particularly with your child's young age. It would not be in the best interest of the child at all.

If you want any hope of any kind of joint physical custody you need to rethink your relocation.

 

[goodluck]

I know

I am living in New York because that is where I work...I would perfer physical custody of the child but I know how hard that is when the courts usually give the mother custody-almost always. Maybe I am just hoping for a lot of things but, I just want equal time with my daughter-time that she has taken from me right now...by not allowing me to see the child....one every month for less than 2 hours

 

[LdiJ]

I am living in New York because that is where I work...I would perfer physical custody of the child but I know how hard that is when the courts usually give the mother custody-almost always. Maybe I am just hoping for a lot of things but, I just want equal time with my daughter-time that she has taken from me right now...by not allowing me to see the child....one every month for less than 2 hours

It is NOT POSSIBLE for your daughter to have equal time with both parents unless both parents are willing to live in the same community. A judge could not give equal time to both parents without dividing the child's time in a way that is unhealthy and bad for the child....particularly a one year old. She has already lost her father without understanding why. Then you intend for you to lose her mother without understanding why, and have to re-bond with you, then lose you again, and repeat. You would load your daughter with attachment disorders.

Its time to stop thinking about what's best for you and start thinking about whats best for your child.

 

[nextwife]

You certainly can go for shared physical custody but ONLY if you stay within a very small radius of mom's place.

If you truly want to stay involved and share physical custoy DO NOT move to NY. Stay put and fight to share your child. Kids need continuity. Same school and friends. EOY in different states won't go. EOW in the same school district, on the other hand, may very well work. Not to mention that if you locate near mom to keep the child's environment constant, it will make it harder for mom to move her later.

 

[GrowUp!]

OP...why is your STBX withholding the child from you? Everyone seems to have "missed" that part. Since you were both married, you both should have access to the child. What you really need to do is consult with some attorneys. But, as others have stated, if you move to NY, YOU are creating the distance, which would not help your case.

Start DEMANDING that you spend time with your child NOW. Your STBX does NOT have more rights over you.

 

[LdiJ]

OP...why is your STBX withholding the child from you? Everyone seems to have "missed" that part. Since you were both married, you both should have access to the child. What you really need to do is consult with some attorneys. But, as others have stated, if you move to NY, YOU are creating the distance, which would not help your case.

Start DEMANDING that you spend time with your child NOW. Your STBX does NOT have more rights over you.

Well...I suspect that dad's intent to move to NY is a factor in why mom is withholding the child. She probably doesn't want the child up and moved to NY...and a huge battle to get the child back.

He needs to push hard for temporary orders, so that he has enforceable visitation rights.

 

[happybug]

I know you didn't ask this and your question has been answered. I just wanted to add that it will be very unlikely that a judge will order the child to have to travel to NY for several years. I think the current trend is to not even start overnights until a child is 3. You will probably have to travel to CA, stay in a hotel or with relatives\friends and visit your DD while you are in town. Then you will have several more years of having to fly to CA alone, fly back with DD then do the reverse to return her. If there is any way you can stay local to your child, that is your best bet for maintaining a strong relationship with her.

 

[goodluck]

do what I have to do

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your advice. My soon to be ex-wife is also unstable and has previously been placed on medication to control her extreme mood swings. I CANNOT relocate from NY to California believe me I have already tried. Even when I was living in San Diego she got out of the Navy and decided to move herself and my daughter up to Victorville without even notifing me. what I meant by "she will not let me see the child" her and her parents have left with the child when she knew I was coming to pick the child up-it was verbal visitation (because I was in the process of processing my case). Her and her parents have told her oldest child who is 6 (is not bio. mine) that she has no father and that her parents are her father and I am scared that they will do the same to my daughter. I have a stable life in NY....working as a building inspector...my own place and immediate family living in NY. I dont want to go to court and I have to play ugly....I want my daughter with me....and if that means telling the court about her instablity and the medication that she is on....then that is what I will do.

 

[nextwife]

Are they RESIDENTS of CA, or did she just up and move there? If she has not established legal residency in CA, file in NY and petition to force her to return the child to NY!

 

[GrowUp!]

I dont want to go to court and I have to play ugly....I want my daughter with me....and if that means telling the court about her instablity and the medication that she is on....then that is what I will do.

So she is on medication to control her mood swings.

So what?! Alot of people are on meds for mood swings, depression, anxiety, etc. it does not make one an unfit parent.

Please answer the question that nextwife posed as that is important in your case...and depending on the answer, very well COULD put things in your court.

 

[LdiJ]

Are they RESIDENTS of CA, or did she just up and move there? If she has not established legal residency in CA, file in NY and petition to force her to return the child to NY!

In his first post he states that the divorce has been filed in CA. Therefore apparently CA has jurisdiction and residency requirements have been met.

 

[GrowUp!]

In his first post he states that the divorce has been filed in CA. Therefore apparently CA has jurisdiction and residency requirements have been met.

Upon re-reading his original post, you are correct. In his most recent response, he stated: "I CANNOT relocate from NY to California believe me I have already tried."

Yeah, I am saying the same thing -- WTH?! Perhaps he's got his mindset on moving to NY, even though he's not physically there yet.

OP...perhaps you are geographically confused because according to the sound of that response, it sounds like you are ALREADY in NY and have attempted to move back. Yet, originally, you stated you plan to move to NY in 2 months.

WHA..WHA...WHAAAAT?! (getting duct tape to minimize head explosion)....