Best course of action to prevent a paternal grandmother from having any contact?

[taylerjae]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

My partner and I have been faced with the unpleasant decision to bar his mother from having any contact with our family and are in turn trying to establish the best route to take legally.

Back story:

His mother has been more often than not inappropriate in conversation/behavior primarily with our eldest child for years now. For instance, she felt (and still does) that he is mature for his age and can partake in discussions that shouldn't fall on child's ears (i.e. detailed conversations regarding alcoholism, drug issues, abuse, etc. within her group of friends and family that have been cut out from our lives, as well as talking very poorly about myself and my partner when she didn't get her way). We have attempted more times than we can count to bring this to her attention and to get her to treat him more appropriately for his age, going so far as to tell her to avoid certain topics, etc.. That didn't work, and when we finally decided that any and all contact between her and our children would be supervised she attempted to kill herself and blamed it on us. Saying that we were refusing to let her have contact with her grandson (her level of favoritism is incredibly obvious), when in reality we just said one or both of us parents would need to be present. She briefly moved away and then showed back up two months later with no notice and a ridiculous level of expectations thinking she could just come over to see our eldest. We refused, because after she attempted suicide and the blame game we felt it was too unhealthy and toxic for our family and barred all contact.

Well last week we found out that she somehow managed to give our eldest a secret phone, and had been communicating with him through it. As well as encouraging and enabling him to sneak over to her house at all times of the day (before school when he should have been waiting for his bus, after school when he should have been attending after school programs, and in the middle of the night). We do not live in a good area, so it was incredibly distressing to learn that one of our boys had been encouraged to put his life at risk for the selfish desires of an adult who claims to love and care for him. To make the situation worse, my partner and I had taken steps to smooth things over with his mother due to health reasons so that way she could see her grandchildren somewhat regularly under our supervision. So this entire time not only was she enabling and encouraging our son to lie to us, lose sleep, and put his life at risk but she also had the gall to flip out on his regularly because we weren't bringing him over to see her as often as she wanted... even though she was having him sneak over to her house about every other day based off of chat logs found on the phone she gave him.

After we found the phone, we have had a serious discussion with our eldest and are taking steps to manage this issue within our home with him. We have also purchased additional security cameras to place in the areas on our home where there were not any previously. Our child of course is very upset, and is not capable of understanding the full situation (partly because his father and I have chosen to keep certain information regarding his grandmother's conduct from him, so as not to stoop to her level and hurt him by pointing out her incredibly poor character traits and behavior habits). We have chosen to cut off all contact from her, and I have spoken to my son's school in regards to this issue to attempt to prevent him from utilizing his friend's phones to contact her, but asides from that we are not sure what else we can do to protect him from her very negative influence. I'm not sure if a restraining order is appropriate or not, hence why I'm reaching out for advice from others on this subject.

I apologize if any of this was confusing or jumbled, and I greatly appreciate any advice or tips anyone might have to offer to us.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Here is the law on her rights which amount to pretty much zero.

As far as legal avenues your first step would likely be a restraining order.

RCW 26.09.240
Visitation rights—Person other than parent—Grandparents' visitation rights.
(1) A person other than a parent may petition the court for visitation with a child at any time or may intervene in a pending dissolution, legal separation, or modification of parenting plan proceeding. A person other than a parent may not petition for visitation under this section unless the child's parent or parents have commenced an action under this chapter.
(2) A petition for visitation with a child by a person other than a parent must be filed in the county in which the child resides.
(3) A petition for visitation or a motion to intervene pursuant to this section shall be dismissed unless the petitioner or intervenor can demonstrate by clear and convincing evidence that a significant relationship exists with the child with whom visitation is sought. If the petition or motion is dismissed for failure to establish the existence of a significant relationship, the petitioner or intervenor shall be ordered to pay reasonable attorney's fees and costs to the parent, parents, other custodian, or representative of the child who responds to this petition or motion.
(4) The court may order visitation between the petitioner or intervenor and the child between whom a significant relationship exists upon a finding supported by the evidence that the visitation is in the child's best interests.
(5)(a) Visitation with a grandparent shall be presumed to be in the child's best interests when a significant relationship has been shown to exist. This presumption may be rebutted by a preponderance of evidence showing that visitation would endanger the child's physical, mental, or emotional health.
(b) If the court finds that reasonable visitation by a grandparent would be in the child's best interest except for hostilities that exist between the grandparent and one or both of the parents or person with whom the child lives, the court may set the matter for mediation under RCW 26.09.015.
(6) The court may consider the following factors when making a determination of the child's best interests:
(a) The strength of the relationship between the child and the petitioner;
(b) The relationship between each of the child's parents or the person with whom the child is residing and the petitioner;
(c) The nature and reason for either parent's objection to granting the petitioner visitation;
(d) The effect that granting visitation will have on the relationship between the child and the child's parents or the person with whom the child is residing;
(e) The residential time sharing arrangements between the parents;
(f) The good faith of the petitioner;
(g) Any criminal history or history of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse or neglect by the petitioner; and
(h) Any other factor relevant to the child's best interest.
(7) The restrictions of RCW 26.09.191 that apply to parents shall be applied to a petitioner or intervenor who is not a parent. The nature and extent of visitation, subject to these restrictions, is in the discretion of the court.
(8) The court may order an investigation and report concerning the proposed visitation or may appoint a guardian ad litem as provided in RCW 26.09.220.
(9) Visitation granted pursuant to this section shall be incorporated into the parenting plan for the child.
(10) The court may modify or terminate visitation rights granted pursuant to this section in any subsequent modification action upon a showing that the visitation is no longer in the best interest of the child.

 

[LdiJ]

Here is the law on her rights which amount to pretty much zero.

As far as legal avenues your first step would likely be a restraining order.

Even that law is dead in WA, do to later court rulings. Grandma would not stand a chance of getting a grandparent visitation order. She is clearly unfit to be unsupervised around a child.