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best interest of child

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What is the name of your state? new york
i have had pyhsical custody of my 4 yr old son since birth. since april I have cut off visitations to his father until we can go to court and resolve some of the issues we have been having. my sons father lives 1hour away from me and we are accesable to him by car, train or bus yet he only visited my son 1-2 times per month or whenever it was convinient to his scheduale as he puts it. he pays child support sporadically. he recently served me with visitation papers. I realize that i can not completely cut off visitation to him but i would like visitations met with certain conditions. When he did visit with my son he would tell me that he was coming saturday morning, not come until sat. afternoon or sometimes not show at all. the visits would be at his mothers house in my town where his sister, mother, and nephew(7) lived.
while my son would be there they would allow him to be supervised by the 7 yr old cousin and my sons 9 yr old half brother. They allowed them to go in and out of neighbors houses
up and down a busy block. my son would cry everytime he had to go over if his half brother would be there because he said his brother treated him very mean. i brought this to his fathers attention but he just brushed me off. one time my child came home with a bruise on his leg and said that his aunt hit him. when i confronted his father he said "so what are you saying you dont want her to watch him anymore" and the aunt said "yeah i wooped his butt and i'll do it again". the last straw was when i picked my son up from a visit and found out that he was allowing him to watch rated r movies. my sons father shows no concern in my sons education, mental health, pyshical heatlh nor his interest. my son was having behavioral probelms and was kicked out of 3 preschools and i tried to talk with his father to help and he showed no interest. ive taken parenting courses and have invited him on all occasions,even offering to pick him up and drop him off and he didnt show. i would like to know if when i go to court will they grant conditions such as a regular visit schedual, location of visit, etc? should i seek support at this time? i would like to have full custody also and do not know how to go about this. i am greatly concerned with my son visiting at his grandmothers house because there is little supervision. i am and will continue to try and protect my child from being a victim of molestation as so many children are today and i feel if he is in and out of neighbors house with no parental supervision there is a greater chance for this. my sons fathers other son was molested and he and his ex girlfriend totally turned the other cheek. my sons father was also molested as a child and i am really afraid history will repeat itself as it so often does. I am grateful for any help you can give me in this matter. thank you.


Senior Member
If the visitation order hasn't been established yet then you don't have to let your son go on visits. You don't have to let him go with other family members either. However, if Dad wants to visit I think you should let him have supervised visits. I would also document everything going on and any proof, such as witnesses, would help as well. When your hearing comes up I would bring some of this stuff up so you can request supervised visitation.

If you 2 were never married, it may be possible you have sole custody. I would call the magistrate or someone from the courthouse to find out. However, I would still go and file. You should be able to find the forms online or down at the courthouse to file. However, I think it would help if you could get a lawyer.

If you need the support then go ahead to the child support enforcement agency and file a case with them.

If you can get a consult with a lawyer it would help. You can also try calling legal aid. The bar association sometimes has a referral program where they refer you to an attorney and you can get a consult for a reduced fee.

I can also give you some web sites to research.



thank you

thank you grace adler. i have an appointment w/ a lawyer on thursday. i do not have exact dates for all of the events that have occured. how much of an effect will that have on the entire matter. if i have a lawyer should i still file support and custody papers through a court of will the lawyer handle that. do you know how likely it is that custody will be granted and can he get joint custody? thank you again.


Senior Member
You're welcome. :) To be honest with you though, my custody and visitation knowledge is limited but I have learned quite a bit thanks to my addiction on this forum and the people on here. LOL!

I don't how the odds are at getting sole or joint. If you were to ask me to guess it would be 50/50. Anyone will correct me if I'm mistaken.

I don't think you have to have the actual dates but if you could say on or about..such and such date, I think that would help alot.

You can ask the lawyer to file for the support and custody. It should go through the court, be ordered and signed by a judge. If it isn't it won't hold up in court. If you ask him to file for support and you have to take the ex back to court for contempt of not paying, I believe you'll have to go back through the lawyer again if you can afford to or either do it yourself if you can't. If you go through CSE they reperesent the custodial parents and you only have to pay a very small filing fee. Sometimes it's a one time fee when you apply or you may qualify not to have to pay a fee at all. Here, I think it is around $25 but I'm not sure. You go with whoever you feel most comfortable to handle it. I will warn you more than one person here has complained about some of the morons working at CSE. Not trying to say you shouldn't file through them though. They will take your ex back to court or intercept his taxes if he gets behind on support and they will have someone represent you in court.

Hope this helps.

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