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BIL

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Fr83D

New member
Montana

Just wondering what legal recourse we may have, if any...

Brief Context:

*Wife and I caring for family farm and widowed, elderly mother-in-law w/Alzheimer's (owner of farm)​
*Divorced brother-in-law (BIL) recently returned to farm (w/o asking us) after decades living in another state (owned and sold two previous houses)​
*BIL​
*Receives meager SS payments, but broke and in debt​
*Living in mother's basement b/c can't afford to live elsewhere​
*Uses address for mail, etc.​
*Pays no rent (Does some work--mows lawn in summer)​
*Uses vehicles w/o permission​
*Charges gasoline for personal use to farm account​
*Creates messes/extra work for us; often "undoes" work we have already accomplished in caring for mother-in-law​
*Volatile when confronted​
We thought he was vising for the summer, and just recently discovered he intends to stay. We have talked with him several times unofficially and at least one time officially ("family meeting"). He gave verbal lip-service to our requests, but we don't see any change. While we would like to see him step up and take responsibility, we're skeptical he will.

There is more, of course, but we wondered if ya'll might be able to provide some counsel/direction should we need to move in the legal direction.

Thanks

Fr83D
 


PayrollHRGuy

Senior Member
Question #1. Do you or your wife have legal conservatorship of your MIL.

Question #2. When you say BIL you mean the son of the MIL you are caring for?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
How is it possible for him to use vehicles without consent? How does he have access to the keys?
 

commentator

Senior Member
This is your wife's brother, correct? Very important question, do you and your wife have power of attorney
for her mother? Are there any other siblings involved?

When you say "caring" for family farm, assume you live elsewhere and go there to take care of your mother in law and the farm, or do you live there?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
This is your wife's brother, correct? Very important question, do you and your wife have power of attorney
for her mother? Are there any other siblings involved?

When you say "caring" for family farm, assume you live elsewhere and go there to take care of your mother in law and the farm, or do you live there?
The elderly mom has Alzheimers. There is almost no chance that the OP and his wife aren't living on the farm.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It depends on how advanced the ALZ is...
Valid point. However from my experience once it reaches the point where the family says, "mom has alzheimers" it has reached the point where mom shouldn't be living alone.
 

Fr83D

New member
How is it possible for him to use vehicles without consent? How does he have access to the keys?
Multiple keys, and farm vehicles have had keys in them. Vehicles are in common farm storage, accessible for farm use. He verbally agreed to use them only for farm use, but has strayed from that.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Multiple keys, and farm vehicles have had keys in them. Vehicles are in common farm storage, accessible for farm use. He verbally agreed to use them only for farm use, but has strayed from that.
Just to be clear: He DOES have consent "permission" to use the vehicle(s).
 

Fr83D

New member
This is your wife's brother, correct? Very important question, do you and your wife have power of attorney
for her mother? Are there any other siblings involved?

When you say "caring" for family farm, assume you live elsewhere and go there to take care of your mother in law and the farm, or do you live there?
Correct. Wife has POA, as does her sister (three adult children involved). We legally own our own small parcel separate from but within the physical area of the farm (sister-in-law is in same situation, but not the BIL). Distance to MIL's house is < 1/8 mile. MIL is still highly functional (not quite ready for move out of house). Wife spends about three hours each day with her, calls several times daily.
 

Fr83D

New member
Just to be clear: He DOES have consent "permission" to use the vehicle(s).
We all have permission to use the farm vehicles for farm/ranch use, yes; but he often still runs personal errands with them--near and far. Further, he stated he deserves to be able to charge fuel for his personal vehicle(s) to farm account. He bases that on some summer hours he spent on the tractor as a kid in junior and senior high school, and actually said that he helped pay for the farm that way. (Of course, by that logic, every kid in America who did chores at home growing up should have their names on the deed to their parents' houses.)

To respond to LdiJ,

The Alzheimer's was officially diagnosed by a neurologist about five years ago, and MIL has been highly functional until about a year or so ago (driving, shopping, etc.). My wife quit her job about then to assist her in the home as long as we can (until we need to bring in hired home care or move her out). In the meantime, we are trying build up MIL's savings from farm income and SS so we can afford a modest amount of in-home care or full-time out-of-home care. Every situation is different, of course, but we are trying to do the right thing, and BIL is making things extremely difficult.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Correct. Wife has POA, as does her sister (three adult children involved). We legally own our own small parcel separate from but within the physical area of the farm (sister-in-law is in same situation, but not the BIL). Distance to MIL's house is < 1/8 mile. MIL is still highly functional (not quite ready for move out of house). Wife spends about three hours each day with her, calls several times daily.
Does mom want her son to be there? Since you say that mom is still highly functional it could be difficult to evict him from the home if mom is still functional, wants him there and therefore could override the POA. He also could be useful as someone who could keep an eye on mom (even if that eye was only to call your wife if mom needs help). I do understand your frustration about the vehicles, the gasoline, and him making things more difficult in caring for mom, but you may not be able to do anything about it at this point.
 

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