Bio dad passed away, someone else listed as father on BC

[animachristi]

You were the one who brought up he was going to raise the baby in the Dominican way and that concerned you. Again, you were ignorant to the law and didn't have to let him take the baby. However, that doesn't change the fact that you lied, most likely under penalty of perjury, when you committed fraud and added your current husband to the birth certificate. That makes you disreputable.
And he threatened to steal YOUR son? That child was his. The one who committed theft was you WHEN you and your current man STOLE his rights as a father. You are the only thief here. He threatened to take his child? YOU STOLE HIS CHILD FROM HIM when you committed fraud.

This is so untrue and indicative of the fact that you don't have a clue about the circumstances. Why do you think his own family have remained on good terms with me? They were aware that he was a danger.

 

[animachristi]

This is so untrue and indicative of the fact that you don't have a clue about the circumstances. Why do you think his own family have remained on good terms with me? They were aware that he was a danger.

Again, thank you all for your wonderful advice. I have decided to politely decline testing. I will work towards telling my son the truth. He will know that I deeply loved his father, but his father became ill and was a danger before he died. I will tell him that his father loved him immensely. I will sincerely apologize if my actions hurt him in any way and let him know I was trying to do the right thing. Thanks again all.

 

[Zigner]

This is so untrue and indicative of the fact that you don't have a clue about the circumstances. Why do you think his own family have remained on good terms with me? They were aware that he was a danger.

We really only know what you've told us...

 

[not2cleverRed]

I see now that this forum is useless. Thanks for all of the help. I will strive to be as perfect as you all are. In the meantime, I will work on telling my boy the truth. Whatever mistakes I've made, I'm just trying to do the right thing.

Look, the guy is dead. And personally, I don't know anyone with a functioning time machine. So, moving forward, I suggest you meet with a lawyer and discuss what can be done in your situation.

Even if the biological father were on the birth certificate, at this point, with him being dead, your husband could do a step-parent adoption.

I don't know if it would make any legal sense to disestablish your husband's paternity so that he could legally adopt your son. I don't know that a court would even think it in the child's best interest at this point to disestablish paternity, given his age and the lack of a living father to establish paternity with.

Absent a court order, you are under no obligation to consent to a DNA test.

So, meet with an atty and get this clarified, and take care of what needs taking care of.

After you get everything straightened out, toss together a will detailing what your wishes are for guardianship, should something happen to you.

 

[xylene]

Thank you! Glad we when we can help!



___

And now it is time to argue amongst ourselves.

The Dominicans sound terrifying

It doesn't invalid most of your points, but I can't believe that you suggest a mentally ill person's escalating grandiose religious delusion focused on an infant was anything other than extremely dangerous.

 

[animachristi]

We really only know what you've told us...

Yes. It's difficult to convey everything in a forum like this. I was just looking for some advice on the paternity test. Hey, at least it allowed others to feel better about themselves since they're not as horrible as me. I'm glad I was able to help.

 

[Zigner]

Yes. It's difficult to convey everything in a forum like this. I was just looking for some advice on the paternity test. Hey, at least it allowed others to feel better about themselves since they're not as horrible as me. I'm glad I was able to help.

You're taking the wrong thing away from this.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Yes. It's difficult to convey everything in a forum like this. I was just looking for some advice on the paternity test. Hey, at least it allowed others to feel better about themselves since they're not as horrible as me. I'm glad I was able to help.

Bottom line: absent a court order, you do not have to comply with auntie's request for a DNA.

However, legally, you should get your situation straightened out, so that you can honestly tell your child that your husband adopted him, and that his original daddy died. I would not go into details like mental illness. Children see things differently than adults, and these things should be handled in an age appropriate way.

 

[animachristi]

You're taking the wrong thing away from this.

Okay, I'll bite... what is the takeaway? No matter how much duress one is under at the time, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should one ever deviate from the law? I may have made a huge mistake, but I promise you, it was not my intent to break the law. My intentions at the time were only to protect my son.

 

[animachristi]

Bottom line: absent a court order, you do not have to comply with auntie's request for a DNA.

However, legally, you should get your situation straightened out, so that you can honestly tell your child that your husband adopted him, and that his original daddy died. I would not go into details like mental illness. Children see things differently than adults, and these things should be handled in an age appropriate way.

Okay, thank you. We have thought of fixing this, but now I wonder, will I be prosecuted for trying to make it right? From the reactions I'm getting on here, it's obvious that no matter what the circumstances, I am now consiedered a low-life law breaker. Nevermind, that I've never been to jail. Hell, it's been years since I've even had a traffic ticket. This is all so painful.

 

[stealth2]

Yes. And I'd do it again to protect my son from physical danger...wouldn't you?

No. I would want my child aware of who his parents are, and that mental illness can be hereditary.

 

[stealth2]

Okay, thank you. We have thought of fixing this, but now I wonder, will I be prosecuted for trying to make it right? From the reactions I'm getting on here, it's obvious that no matter what the circumstances, I am now consiedered a low-life law breaker. Nevermind, that I've never been to jail. Hell, it's been years since I've even had a traffic ticket. This is all so painful.

Thing is - it will be more painful when your son discovers he's been lied to. How old do you think your son needs to be to "know" the truth?

 

[animachristi]

No. I would want my child aware of who his parents are, and that mental illness can be hereditary.

I never planned to keep it a secret. Everyone already knew the truth. Of course my son would know.

 

[animachristi]

Thing is - it will be more painful when your son discovers he's been lied to. How old do you think your son needs to be to "know" the truth?

He just turned 4. I think I can start showing him pictures and explaining things a little at a time.

 

[Zigner]

I never planned to keep it a secret. Everyone already knew the truth. Of course my son would know.

Then how could you ever think this would "protect" the child? I am truly confused. You don't need to answer me, but I suggest you have a damned good explanation for kiddo, because he's going to have the same question I do.