Blackmailed into never seeing my daughter

[paperinacup]

What is the name of your state? WA

Hi I need help figuring out the best way to handle this situation

I am now 19 years old. Last summer (when i was 18) i met a girl in person that i had met online 2 years prior to that. Her age was supposedly 2 years younger than I. When I met her I needed a place to stay and her mom charged me rent to stay there for 2 weeks. During this point we had a sexual relationship and she became pregnant. About 2 months later her mother kicked her out of the house and since she had no place to go her mother paid for her to get to the airport and I bought her a ticket to stay with me and my grandparents in CA. When she arrived after my family talked to her mom we found out she was in fact 14 years old. Her mom knew about the whole lieing about the age and didnt say anything. According to WA 'codes' it states that because of the way her birthday falls we are 3 years 11 months and some odd days apart that I am in the clear because the law stats that 14 and older have a 4 year limit. Our daughter was born in April and she remained living with me until June when her mother requested her to come back with the baby.

Recently my life has been threatened and she refuses to ever allow me to see my daughter again and has her new boyfriend (20 something years old) around my daughter and she is telling me he is her new father. Her mother also has a history of alcohol and meth abuse, violent, and has quite a bit of a criminal record. She dropped out and hasnt even started 9th grade (now 15 years old). Her mother also has an extensive criminal record. She is telling me if I ever try to come around her again she will tell the police I molested her and put me in jail. She claims her mother is friends with the judges in her county and that they already don't like me. Her mother also about 5 days ago attempted to throw her out of the house yet once again.

I LOVE my daughter to death and this is far from the situation that she needs to be in. I want to take her to court but I am honestly terrified that I'll goto prison for this.

I have no criminal record, a stable job, a place to live (i will even relocate there so she can still be in her daughters life, a family that loves her, everything possible that I need so she will live a healthy life. I am not trying to keep my daughter away from her mother but I can't even explain how bad of a situation it is.

I am not sure how to handle this situation. I took care of this girl financially for almost a year while her mother sat back and blew money and now I am being completely blackmailed and shes trying to completely erase me out of my daughters life. Can someone please help me out.

 

[JETX]

Without making any judgment statements on your own stupidity... (gee, that didn't work, did it?)....
Your answer is really simple. Hire an attorney in her local area to file a paternity suit. The court will order the childs DNA taken and compared to yours. If a true parent relationship exists, you can then ask the court to grant visitation... and/or custody.

 

[paperinacup]

Ok. Well I did already have a DNA test done while leaving the hospital so I guess I can use that and contact an attorney.

 

[CourtClerk]

OP...can you clarify something for me please

1. Where was the child born? It sounds like the child was born in CA. If that is in fact true and the child just moved back to WA in June, then CA has jurisdiction for 6 months after the child leaves the state. Your paternity action should be filed in CA, not WA.

 

[paperinacup]

OP...can you clarify something for me please

1. Where was the child born? It sounds like the child was born in CA. If that is in fact true and the child just moved back to WA in June, then CA has jurisdiction for 6 months after the child leaves the state. Your paternity action should be filed in CA, not WA.

Actually during that time I was transferred to AZ for my job. So she was born in AZ. So then I need to get an attorney in AZ to file correct?

 

[CourtClerk]

Actually during that time I was transferred to AZ for my job. So she was born in AZ. So then I need to get an attorney in AZ to file correct?

I can't speak on AZ law, however, there may be an attorney here that can tell you. Worst case scenario, you have to file where the child is now... let me look online and see if I can find anything.

 

[paperinacup]

I can't speak on AZ law, however, there may be an attorney here that can tell you. Worst case scenario, you have to file where the child is now... let me look online and see if I can find anything.

ok awesome. thanks for your help.

 

[CourtClerk]

Here's what I found:

Under the UCCJEA, you can only file for custody in the "home state" of the child. ( There are exceptions to the "home state" rule, which we explain below). The "home state" is the state where your child has lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months. If your child is less than six months old, then your child's home state is the state where s/he has lived since birth. Leaving the state for a short period of time does not change your child's home state.

If you and your child recently moved to a new state, generally you cannot file for custody in that new state until you have lived there for at least six months. Until then, you or the other parent can start a custody action in the state where your child has most recently lived for at least six months.

However, further reading suggests that there is a signficant connection to WA, since the child has no ties to AZ (you don't live there anymore right?). If thats the case, AZ may not be the most appropriate forum to hear the action and WA would be since the child has significant ties to WA (her mother, grandmother, etc). I would think you need to file in WA.

 

[paperinacup]

One more thing.

Now that she is trying to scream statutory rape should I call the police and tell them my side of the story or just shut up.

 

[paperinacup]

UPDATE: My daughters grandmother is putting them both in foster care specifically trying to prevent me from seeing her. So how would I fight CPS for my daughter? Im so lost in this process.

 

[CourtClerk]

UPDATE: My daughters grandmother is putting them both in foster care specifically trying to prevent me from seeing her. So how would I fight CPS for my daughter? Im so lost in this process.

How do you know this? Do you know where your daughter and her mother are now? You may need to have an attorney go into court tomorrow (where they are) and file for custody of the child if mom doesn't want the child anymore. Coincidentally, I don't think putting the child in foster care prohibits you from seeing your child once you have established custody and/or visitation. In fact, I would think that would backfire if the child has no where to go and father (you) have a stable home and is willing to care for the child. Let her do it.

As for the statutory rape.... let sleeping dogs lie until you are contacted.

 

[paperinacup]

How do you know this? Do you know where your daughter and her mother are now? You may need to have an attorney go into court tomorrow (where they are) and file for custody of the child if mom doesn't want the child anymore. Coincidentally, I don't think putting the child in foster care prohibits you from seeing your child once you have established custody and/or visitation. In fact, I would think that would backfire if the child has no where to go and father (you) have a stable home and is willing to care for the child. Let her do it.

As for the statutory rape.... let sleeping dogs lie until you are contacted.

Well my daughters moms sister's bestfriend (i know that sounds odd) has basically been informing me of whats going on. Supposedly my daughter and daughters mom are going into foster care. I believe they are still at my daughters grandmothers home but I'm not 100% sure. Now that you've said that first thing I'm doing tomorrow is find an attorney. That makes total since that since she'd be 'in the system' with a great option of a place to go that'd I'd have a good chance. I have a stable job and also make pretty decent money for my age. The thing is I have NO problem with the baby seeing her mother but I demand to be in her life and contribute. How much is this situation going to cost me to pursue (ballpark range)?

I just really can't imagine why she'd want to keep me away from my daughter. But from reading here it seems to be a constant thing. Is there a way I can have her mom drug tested (100% sure she'd fail) by the court in the next week or two.

 

[CourtClerk]

Well my daughters moms sister's bestfriend (i know that sounds odd) has basically been informing me of whats going on. Supposedly my daughter and daughters mom are going into foster care. I believe they are still at my daughters grandmothers home but I'm not 100% sure. Now that you've said that first thing I'm doing tomorrow is find an attorney.

If any of this is true, I would suggest you start making calls EARLY

That makes total since that since she'd be 'in the system' with a great option of a place to go that'd I'd have a good chance.

Well yeah, but first, you have to establish paternity.... these things believe it or not do not happen like renting a video at Blockbuster. These things take time. Family law is a bunch of baby steps in a marathon. First things first... get the court to recognize you as the child's father.

I have a stable job and also make pretty decent money for my age.

Out of pure curiosity...what is decent money for your age? Are you self supporting? Are you able to take on the added expense of a child, child care, diapers, insurance, etc. Kids are expensive. More expensive than a car.

The thing is I have NO problem with the baby seeing her mother

Thats great, because once the judge gets involved, you don't have an option. The judgy wudgy on the bench makes that decision. All you have to do is abide by his/her order

but I demand to be in her life and contribute.
Glad to hear it

How much is this situation going to cost me to pursue (ballpark range)?
Potentially several thousand dollars.... but no one can tell you but the attorney you consult with

I just really can't imagine why she'd want to keep me away from my daughter.

When you have children with immature children, they make immature decisions.

But from reading here it seems to be a constant thing.

And those bad decisions are made by people of all ages.... stupidity doesn't have an age limit. Some people are just vendictive. Who knows why people do what they do.

Is there a way I can have her mom drug tested (100% sure she'd fail) by the court in the next week or two.

You can't have her do anything. If the judge finds cause, he may order a test.... but if you read some of the other posts on this forum, you'll find that her drug use may not be as big of an issue as you want it to be. Better you concentrate on establishing yourself as the father of this child and establishing your circumstances as better for the well being of the child, however, with the baby being so young, you will find that some judges may be hard pressed to take an infant from the mother (unless she decides she doesn't want the baby). With her being a teenage parent, you may find that there will be social services stepping in to help her with adjusting to parenthood. You need to find a way to effectively co-parent with this little girl and remember that she is just a little girl (15 years old if I remember correctly). Maternal instincts don't pop in for everyone immediately.