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Breastfeeding a consideration in shared parenting?

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hamilton1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Does breastfeeding play into a shared parenting plan in the state of OH? My child is 7 months old, and my concern is my parents live in Canada and I would like to take the baby to see them when I have the baby on occasion. Will this be a problem? He is eating solid foods and breastfeeds like 3 times a day. We have frozen breastmilk that I was planning on taking with me to supplement his solid foods while he is away.

Thanks for your help
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Does breastfeeding play into a shared parenting plan in the state of OH? My child is 7 months old, and my concern is my parents live in Canada and I would like to take the baby to see them when I have the baby on occasion. Will this be a problem? He is eating solid foods and breastfeeds like 3 times a day. We have frozen breastmilk that I was planning on taking with me to supplement his solid foods while he is away.

Thanks for your help
Taking the child outside of the country is going to be a much bigger deal than the breastfeeding issue. You need mom's permission to take the child out of the country, and if mom doesn't agree, then you need the permission of the court. That issue may take long enough to resolve that breastfeeding may no longer be an issue.
 

hamilton1

Junior Member
Wow. So if I live in Cleveland, and my parents lived in Dayton OH it would be OK? Since it is the same distance south than Toronto is East.....

But because it is another country it's an issue? So much for children having reasonable exposure to all relatives so that they have the opportunity to develop close relationships.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Wow. So if I live in Cleveland, and my parents lived in Dayton OH it would be OK? Since it is the same distance south than Toronto is East.....

But because it is another country it's an issue? So much for children having reasonable exposure to all relatives so that they have the opportunity to develop close relationships.
CANADA requires you to show that the other parent consents to the trip. You will also need a passport eventually for the baby.
 

hamilton1

Junior Member
Have the passport. She won't consent because of the "breastfeeding" issue. Even though she never traveled with me to Canada when we were "happily" married for 4 yrs without the child. Honestly it's a little more of a manipulative thing than anything. But I will bite down hard on my tongue now.

So, if we get a shared parenting agreement, and every other weekend I have the child in my home, will there be provisions for her access on my time for breastfeeding? Is this common? Or is my wife a control freak suffering from seperation anxiety?....(again I have a whole freezer full of breastmilk) so it won't be as if he's not getting his milk....
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Have the passport. She won't consent because of the "breastfeeding" issue. Even though she never traveled with me to Canada when we were "happily" married for 4 yrs without the child. Honestly it's a little more of a manipulative thing than anything. But I will bite down hard on my tongue now.

So, if we get a shared parenting agreement, and every other weekend I have the child in my home, will there be provisions for her access on my time for breastfeeding? Is this common? Or is my wife a control freak suffering from seperation anxiety?....(again I have a whole freezer full of breastmilk) so it won't be as if he's not getting his milk....
Breastfeeding is actually a very individual issue. In some instances, if the mother cannot feed the child directly, at least once a day, then it disrupts mom's supply of milk, even if she pumps. Other mothers can pump prodigious supplies even if not directly feeding the child at least once a day. Some mothers are unable to pump at all, which doesn't appear to be the case for your wife, since you have a freezer full of milk. Some mothers can pump enough for daycare, but not enough for visitation at dad's too.

Therefore the two of you need to arrange things so that the best interest of the child is the first and foremost concern.

And dad...since the distance is so short between your home and your parents, then there is absolutely no reason why they can't visit in your home, until something gets sorted out about the child traveling outside of the country. Therefore its a little silly to act as if your child will be denied a relationship with the grandparents simply because you won't be able to take the child out of the country for a while.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Have the passport. She won't consent because of the "breastfeeding" issue. Even though she never traveled with me to Canada when we were "happily" married for 4 yrs without the child. Honestly it's a little more of a manipulative thing than anything. But I will bite down hard on my tongue now.
When one travels out of the country after a divorce, the risk of the parent never returning with the child is higher than when you were still married. It is a legitimate concern.

It has nothing to do with distance. You can take the child from Maine to California (assuming the court order doesn't restrict it) without difficulty. You can not drive across the border from Maine to Canada without permission of the other parent or the court.

In order to take the child out of the country you need:
1. The permission of the other parent. This needs to be in writing and needs to have a time frame. However, they can rescind that permission at any time.

or

2. The permission of the court. During the divorce, you can ask for permission to take the child out of the country and the court will generally approve that if there's a good reason (family members or a history of vacations outside the country). HOWEVER, that court order may not be sufficient to enter some countries. (I believe Canada is one.) The other parent still needs to sign a letter that you can show to the immigration authorities. If they refuse to do so and you have a court order giving you permission to take the child out of the country, you may have to file for contempt.
 

hamilton1

Junior Member
LDIJ....
My parents are the ones who constantly drive up from Canada to see the baby. My mom in fact since she doesn;t drive takes a greyhound 12 hours to see the baby. Is that out of line to not have to want my mom to constantly make that insane trip? I'm sure you will probably say "well she could fly" but at $399 round it makes it a little cumbersome.

It's not just the grandparents. It;s also my sister, and aunts and uncles and cousins, and friends too who also live there that I would like for my child to be able to see on those family gatherings....

Maybe they'll just charter a bus and come together once they can arrange their schedules and find accommodations since I can't house all of them comfortably....

My apologies for being O SO SILLY. :)
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
LDIJ....
My parents are the ones who constantly drive up from Canada to see the baby. My mom in fact since she doesn;t drive takes a greyhound 12 hours to see the baby. Is that out of line to not have to want my mom to constantly make that insane trip? I'm sure you will probably say "well she could fly" but at $399 round it makes it a little cumbersome.

It's not just the grandparents. It;s also my sister, and aunts and uncles and cousins, and friends too who also live there that I would like for my child to be able to see on those family gatherings....

Maybe they'll just charter a bus and come together once they can arrange their schedules and find accommodations since I can't house all of them comfortably....

My apologies for being O SO SILLY. :)
Yes, you can choose to take a very one-sided view of things and completely ignore the other person's rights (and the laws of Canada, for that matter).

The fact is that it is not unknown for one parent to kidnap the child and flee to another country. I guess it's too much to ask for the child's mother to be concerned about the risk of that happening.

I've already explained what it takes for you to get permission to take the child to visit relatives in Canada. if you'd rather complain rather than take appropriate action, that's certainly your choice. Just don't expect any sympathy.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Being a jerk to LD is not going to get you very far. Misty was very correct in what he told you as was LD. Though courts will not necessarily side with LD in Ohio.
That is all I will say to you until you cut the attitude and apologize to LD. Oh and I typed another two paragraphs in answer to your question but deleted them due to the attitude you are showing.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
And I'm sure that your ex's lawyer has also told her, "That's what you get for marrying a foreigner" when she voiced her concerns about the potential for foreign abduction - that's what mine did.

Look at it from her POV - once the baby is over the border, how is she to be sure that nothing more than a visit will happen? How does she know that she will see her child again? You might have a freezer full of breast milk, but pumping while stressing about her child out of the country would not be easy.

And a reminder: a recent British study concluded that children of divorce who had been breastfed dealt with the related stress much better than those who hadn't been. Children who are breastfed have fewer ear infections, etc. - meaning that if you're paying part of the medical bills, your ex's actions may be saving you money. The AAP recommends nursing for at least a year and the WHO recommends nursing to at least 2 years. If you love your child you should want what's best for it - and thank yourself that whatever your issues with your ex, she was willing to nurse your child and successful at it. It's not easy. Being supportive, understanding, and appreciative of what she's doing, and the sacrifices she's made to feed your child, rather than harping on it as an "excuse" to not go out of the country will pay off in the long run.

Yes, in a perfect world your child would get to see the extended family - from both sides - on a regular basis, but you're a Canadian who chose to marry a US citizen (or at least marry in the US). So you get to deal with the consequences of that decision.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
And I'm sure that your ex's lawyer has also told her, "That's what you get for marrying a foreigner" when she voiced her concerns about the potential for foreign abduction - that's what mine did.

Look at it from her POV - once the baby is over the border, how is she to be sure that nothing more than a visit will happen? How does she know that she will see her child again? You might have a freezer full of breast milk, but pumping while stressing about her child out of the country would not be easy.

And a reminder: a recent British study concluded that children of divorce who had been breastfed dealt with the related stress much better than those who hadn't been. Children who are breastfed have fewer ear infections, etc. - meaning that if you're paying part of the medical bills, your ex's actions may be saving you money. The AAP recommends nursing for at least a year and the WHO recommends nursing to at least 2 years. If you love your child you should want what's best for it - and thank yourself that whatever your issues with your ex, she was willing to nurse your child and successful at it. It's not easy. Being supportive, understanding, and appreciative of what she's doing, and the sacrifices she's made to feed your child, rather than harping on it as an "excuse" to not go out of the country will pay off in the long run.

Yes, in a perfect world your child would get to see the extended family - from both sides - on a regular basis, but you're a Canadian who chose to marry a US citizen (or at least marry in the US). So you get to deal with the consequences of that decision.
Get over yourself. Breastfeeding will NOT be the reason he does not get to take the child to Canda.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
How about finding a way to "convince" your wife/ex wife/ STBX to go to Canada for a short trip? Make sure she has a comfortable place to stay, spending money ... Gee - an all expense paid vacation? Sure would be cheaper than paying for the attorney's all-paid vacation.
 

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