bugsmom

[nhawkjo]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? IDAHO

I have a 10 month old daughter and her Father has not signed the birth certificate. He has never given me a dime to help raise her and I tried to get him to sign his rights over but the advise that I have received thus far is that no judge would normally let the father give up his rights without another (two total) party to take over rights. If I were to try to get child support is he automatically given rights to her?
And how do I pursue child support if he lives in another country? He is an american citizen, but claims he is living in another country now.

 

[nextwife]

If the father lives overseas, then your collection capabilities, once you establish paternity and file for CS would depend upon wht nation he is in. Also, the CS will be based upon his income, so it may be considerably less than a US income for the same job may be.

Yes, if paternity is established, he does have the right to file for shared custody or visitation.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? IDAHO

I have a 10 month old daughter and her Father has not signed the birth certificate. He has never given me a dime to help raise her and I tried to get him to sign his rights over but the advise that I have received thus far is that no judge would normally let the father give up his rights without another (two total) party to take over rights. If I were to try to get child support is he automatically given rights to her?
And how do I pursue child support if he lives in another country? He is an american citizen, but claims he is living in another country now.

You should not base your desire to terminate his rights on the fact that he hasn't paid support. You have had 10 months to file in court for child support yourself, so you are partly responsible.

If he is good enough to have a child with- and good enough to take child support from- then he's good enough to have parental rights. You'll have to establish paternity before you file for child support, but once you do- you basically prove in court he IS the father....and with that comes his Right to be a father.

 

[nhawkjo]

Casa:
Forgive me, I was too vague. He chose not to sign the birth certificate in the begining and I have never kept him from seeing her. He saw her a hand full of times when she was just newborn and not once in the past several months. He has chosen to not have a part in her life. He was a manipulator and a user. I was just one of his victims. Sadly that is my own fault and have no excuses. Now, I am afraid that when the time comes for me to get married he will, out of spite fight me on this.
I have a good job so I cannot qualify for any aid. Unfortunatley I am in the category that I make too much to qualify for aid but not enough to actually survive on my own. My folks are gracious and allow me to take up residence with them and I raise my child in a loving and safe environment. I thought I loved him but clearly he did not care one lick for me or his daughter. And no, sir/mam, I disagree with you. Just because he is the "biological" father of my child does not make him good enough to be a father of my child! He clearly does not care what is best for her otherwise he would step up to the plate, be a real man and support his daughter!

 

[casa]

Casa:
Forgive me, I was too vague. He chose not to sign the birth certificate in the begining and I have never kept him from seeing her. He saw her a hand full of times when she was just newborn and not once in the past several months. He has chosen to not have a part in her life. He was a manipulator and a user. I was just one of his victims. Sadly that is my own fault and have no excuses. Now, I am afraid that when the time comes for me to get married he will, out of spite fight me on this.
I have a good job so I cannot qualify for any aid. Unfortunatley I am in the category that I make too much to qualify for aid but not enough to actually survive on my own. My folks are gracious and allow me to take up residence with them and I raise my child in a loving and safe environment. I thought I loved him but clearly he did not care one lick for me or his daughter. And no, sir/mam, I disagree with you. Just because he is the "biological" father of my child does not make him good enough to be a father of my child! He clearly does not care what is best for her otherwise he would step up to the plate, be a real man and support his daughter!

Perhaps I was also too vague~ Although you have a valid point morally, legally (once paternity is established) he will have rights as the biological father. He may not get physical custody, but joint legal and visitations is almost certain. (again, once paternity is established). Often times when a father is ordered to pay child support, that nudges them to be involved. You asked what the options were legally.

I know it's hard having a baby without the father around or interested But, I'll share with you that my oldest's father did the same thing...he did pop back up some years later. It was hard not to let my emotions and resentment get the better of me- but we went to counseling so they could work it out, he began paying support, and today they have a valuable relationship. What I like to encourage parents (mother OR father) to do, is not completely severe ties to the other parent. Unless, of course, they are unfit or a danger to the child. In your case 10 months isn't a terribly long time- and actually it's more like 8 or 9 months since he did see her in the beginning if only briefly.

Your child deserves to be supported financially by both parents, and I'd recommend you establish paternity and file for support- and before considering abandoning hope all together, see if the father is spurred to become involved. Not for you, and not necessarily for him, but for your baby.

 

[nhawkjo]

Thank you casa.
I do understand that he should be given every oportunity to be a part of her life. Me and my self esteem got us into a bit of trouble with him. He seemed the loving part and the "you are the one for me..." kind of guy... still to this day he tells me he would marry me and "knows" we are meant to be together. To this day he will not acknowlege his daughter though. I am not afraid of him harming her or being a bad influence, I just prefer to not stir the pot up. I am happy being a single mom. I love not having ot share her and not having to fight with someone about how to raise her and which holidays will she spend with me...etc. Unfortunatly we live in a country where it is Black and White. There is "nothing" in between. If you have nothing, everything is given to you (welfare, low invcome housing etc.). If you have it all, there is no reason to get help. I am in the middle where I don't get ANY 'help'. I cannot pay my daycare, diapers, formula etc.... and buy a house let alone rent! That is why I am desperate for help. I am very much a "I can do it myself" kind of person and it kills me to have to accept my parents grace let alone his! God is good to me and has brought me to a level of peace than I have never been. My daughter is my life and I would never go back and change my circumstances... I was selfish and was only thingking of myself. Now I need to do what is best for her no matter the cost to me. He has two other kids from a previous marriage and pays CS for them.... not much left after that! I doubt I will ever see a penny... HIS LOSS!
Thanks again.

 

[casa]

Thank you casa.
I do understand that he should be given every oportunity to be a part of her life. Me and my self esteem got us into a bit of trouble with him. He seemed the loving part and the "you are the one for me..." kind of guy... still to this day he tells me he would marry me and "knows" we are meant to be together. To this day he will not acknowlege his daughter though. I am not afraid of him harming her or being a bad influence, I just prefer to not stir the pot up. I am happy being a single mom. I love not having ot share her and not having to fight with someone about how to raise her and which holidays will she spend with me...etc. Unfortunatly we live in a country where it is Black and White. There is "nothing" in between. If you have nothing, everything is given to you (welfare, low invcome housing etc.). If you have it all, there is no reason to get help. I am in the middle where I don't get ANY 'help'. I cannot pay my daycare, diapers, formula etc.... and buy a house let alone rent! That is why I am desperate for help. I am very much a "I can do it myself" kind of person and it kills me to have to accept my parents grace let alone his! God is good to me and has brought me to a level of peace than I have never been. My daughter is my life and I would never go back and change my circumstances... I was selfish and was only thingking of myself. Now I need to do what is best for her no matter the cost to me. He has two other kids from a previous marriage and pays CS for them.... not much left after that! I doubt I will ever see a penny... HIS LOSS!
Thanks again.

And he is the one who will miss out if he chooses not to be involved. I relate to the struggle as I'm a single Mom of 2 children, and there were times working 2 jobs with no contact from the father. I too am 'in between' and do not receive welfare or housing assistance (& I live in an expensive area of CA) nor is my child support up near the 'norm' ~ But when the day is done, isn't it nice to be able to know we've set examples of what a competent, independent parent can do?