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Bullied into signing over daughter

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What is the name of your state?Alabama
Hello, I hope all is well. I need help and not sure what the law is. I will start from the beginning. In 2016 I became unexpectedly pregnant after being told that I could never have children and honestly really didn't want any. I grew up kind of spoiled and it was kind of unheard of for me or my sister to ever even mention being pregnant but as I got older I realized that the chances of me getting pregnant we're slim to none so I really had nothing to worry about. This year was also an odd year because after getting out of one of the worst years of my life I met the love of my life and suddenly after 3 months found that I was 3 months pregnant although I did want to get married and we both did love each other. So with the world against me I decided to have the child. It was a horrible time in my life because I'll be honest I was on heroin and the thought of me being pregnant drove by the whole family crazy. The first thing my family immediately told me was you must have an abortion so they sent me to Atlanta with $1,000 also a $300 rental car and told me that I could not come back without having an abortion. At the time that I told my parents and they wanted me to have an abortion let me rewind I had already been to the emergency room found out how far along I was, detoxed off of heroin and was put on proper medication. I was also hooked up with an addiction specialist through UAB who would monitor me closely for drug screens and make sure that I took my medication. I was able to remain clean and to my surprise gave birth to a beautiful daughter that I fell in love with instantly . I have to say I have never known a love like this in my life it was crazy the bond was Unreal and I knew I instantly had to do anything I could to keep my daughter and remain clean because I love this tiny human being more than anything in the world. I also want to mention that at the time of birth we were both clean and I was able to bring my daughter home. It was not long after this that DHR showed up at my house and said that because I was on a medication called Subutex to keep me clean off heroin that they needed to go ahead and enter me in the system and start monitoring me on drug screens. The whole first year my fiance and i took care of our daughter with no help I worked as i always have as a hair stylist and he took care of our daughter and cooked and cleaned at home since he also receives and still receives adisability check. At the end of the year after I had completed all of my drug screens I was about to get ready to sign off DHR forever. It was at this point in my life that I made a huge mistake and ended up failing four drug tests in a row right before having them out of my life forever. I can truly say that I was exhausted and I needed help. And it wasn't even that I had gone back to using my then drug of choice heroin,I'd actually made the mistake of failing for something really awful, methamphetamine. Always being the super honest person I am, I went to the DHR building met with my worker,and was honest with her about my current use and why I failed my last four drug tests and to my surprise I was informed that my child would immediately be taken out of my custody and that if my mother could not take her that she would be placed into foster care. Luckily my mom agreed to take her and for the whole next year me and my fiance we're clean we went to treatment classes four nights a week, obtained a sponsor through Narcotics Anonymous, did in-home services, and I worked. I won't lie during this time as hard as we tried we both did fail a couple of drug tests and before long I had my mom telling me the best thing to do was to sign my daughter over. I'll be honest I felt like life was against me at this point and I was so exhausted we had been working so hard and not only are we having to test clean but the workers had a problem with the fact that we lived and still live with my father who had in the past made my mother his power of attorney who now has my child. I felt like it was a never-ending battle because not only where we going to classes four nights a week going to meetings meeting with a sponsor testing clean and completing in-home services not to mention getting a job now they wanted me to talk my Dad into taking my mom out of power of attorney something he had done years before I had even ever had my daughter . although my dad was awesome enough to let us live with him and support us through this horrible time he really didn't have another choice but to leave my mom on power of attorney so during the meantime in-home services wanted us to come up with an alternative living plan. Basically if my dad ever were to lose his own mind, my mom would be able to step in and even if we had our daughter would be able to force us to leave having power of attorney and then we would be homeless with a child. although I've been doing hair for 15 years I lost my clientele several years ago at an awesome hair salon where I was making a ton of money. Now it's not so easy for me to make money especially working a job making minimum wage and having to attend classes four nights a week in home classes at the house and go to separate meetings for Narcotics Anonymous. I started getting discouraged and to be honest I failed a couple more drug test but DHR was still willing to work with me because I had gone so long without having a dirty drug test that they wanted to give me the opportunity to be clean and get my daughter back. It was during this time that my mom who we have never really gotten along with stepped in and started telling me things like you know you're never going to get her back you know you can't take care of her you're never going to get clean you know you cannot do that you might as well let me have her. although I had a true desire in my heart to really get clean and get my daughter back I was starting to feel very tired and give in to my mom's pressure. I then got a phone call from her one day telling me that she wanted me and my fiance to think about signing our daughter over to her and letting her and my stepdad adopt my daughter. she promised that I would always be in my daughter's life that she would never keep us from her and that we would have a equal opportunity in watching her grow up and that she was genuinely trying to help because she loves my daughter so much and my daughter had already been living with her for a while. when it came time for us to go sign and meet my mother's attorney I got cold feet and my car was about to break down but in the midst of her anger she said her ass will be in foster care by this evening if you do not sign her over.I immediately started crying because I thought how can a woman who says she loves my daughter so much threaten to throw her in foster care so fast just because we're not ready to sign her over. but to my surprise she yelled I mean it I will send her ass to foster care this evening if you don't get up there and sign the papers right now the both of y'all. I was in a frantic State because although I love my daughter so much and wanted to get her back the last thing I wanted to do was sign her over to a person who was threatening to put her in foster care if I didn't sign her over. Although I wasn't ready to sign my daughter over I could not stand the thought of her going into foster care so I told my fiance we had no choice and we had to sign to make sure that our daughter would never be out of my mother's care. the first thing my fiance said was there's no way she would do that. I told him that she had just said it on over the phone in fact he had heard her and we decided it was best not to take any chances. so as mad and as upset as we were we went and signed my daughter over. I also need to mention the fact that my fiance loves our daughter more than anything but he is on disability because he suffers from a past PTSD and anxiety that most cannot imagine. but he has always remained in touch and took proper care of his self through staying in touch with his psychiatrist and he was monitored so it's not like he was unsafe around our daughter. most cannot imagine a PTSD and anxiety but it is true and he does receive a monthly check for it one where you will be taken care of for the rest of his life and have the health care he needs and food and anything else he needs to sustain him for the rest of his life. His disability is known as major depressive disorder and PTSD. He was even taken by surprise by my mom's crazy way and honestly I dont believe he had taken well to my mothers pressure in his current mental state and he was so depressed and I think that he might have even been extremely stressed by this situation. like I said neither of us wanted to see her go to foster care. so without any further adue we both went and signed my daughter over to my mother and stepfather. now that we have signed her over we are not getting to see her at all. I mentioned before that me and my mom had never really gotten along and now she's on a power trip holding my child from me my fiance and my dad. please tell me it is not too late but there is something I can possibly do overturn these papers we were made sign by my mother in such a bossy mean manipulative way. I've been told by others that once we signed her over but there is absolutely no getting her back. so where I was once heavily involved in my daughter's life at least through visitation, I now don't see her absolutely at all. I've been wanting to talk to someone who has an unbiased opinion and will tell me the truth what I need to hear, thank you for your time
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It was hard to get through that block of text. First things first - are you now clean? For how long?
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state?Alabama
Hello, I hope all is well. I need help and not sure what the law is. I will start from the beginning. In 2016 I became unexpectedly pregnant after being told that I could never have children and honestly really didn't want any. I grew up kind of spoiled and it was kind of unheard of for me or my sister to ever even mention being pregnant but as I got older I realized that the chances of me getting pregnant we're slim to none so I really had nothing to worry about. This year was also an odd year because after getting out of one of the worst years of my life I met the love of my life and suddenly after 3 months found that I was 3 months pregnant although I did want to get married and we both did love each other. So with the world against me I decided to have the child. It was a horrible time in my life because I'll be honest I was on heroin and the thought of me being pregnant drove by the whole family crazy. The first thing my family immediately told me was you must have an abortion so they sent me to Atlanta with $1,000 also a $300 rental car and told me that I could not come back without having an abortion. At the time that I told my parents and they wanted me to have an abortion let me rewind I had already been to the emergency room found out how far along I was, detoxed off of heroin and was put on proper medication. I was also hooked up with an addiction specialist through UAB who would monitor me closely for drug screens and make sure that I took my medication. I was able to remain clean and to my surprise gave birth to a beautiful daughter that I fell in love with instantly . I have to say I have never known a love like this in my life it was crazy the bond was Unreal and I knew I instantly had to do anything I could to keep my daughter and remain clean because I love this tiny human being more than anything in the world. I also want to mention that at the time of birth we were both clean and I was able to bring my daughter home. It was not long after this that DHR showed up at my house and said that because I was on a medication called Subutex to keep me clean off heroin that they needed to go ahead and enter me in the system and start monitoring me on drug screens. The whole first year my fiance and i took care of our daughter with no help I worked as i always have as a hair stylist and he took care of our daughter and cooked and cleaned at home since he also receives and still receives adisability check. At the end of the year after I had completed all of my drug screens I was about to get ready to sign off DHR forever. It was at this point in my life that I made a huge mistake and ended up failing four drug tests in a row right before having them out of my life forever. I can truly say that I was exhausted and I needed help. And it wasn't even that I had gone back to using my then drug of choice heroin,I'd actually made the mistake of failing for something really awful, methamphetamine. Always being the super honest person I am, I went to the DHR building met with my worker,and was honest with her about my current use and why I failed my last four drug tests and to my surprise I was informed that my child would immediately be taken out of my custody and that if my mother could not take her that she would be placed into foster care. Luckily my mom agreed to take her and for the whole next year me and my fiance we're clean we went to treatment classes four nights a week, obtained a sponsor through Narcotics Anonymous, did in-home services, and I worked. I won't lie during this time as hard as we tried we both did fail a couple of drug tests and before long I had my mom telling me the best thing to do was to sign my daughter over. I'll be honest I felt like life was against me at this point and I was so exhausted we had been working so hard and not only are we having to test clean but the workers had a problem with the fact that we lived and still live with my father who had in the past made my mother his power of attorney who now has my child. I felt like it was a never-ending battle because not only where we going to classes four nights a week going to meetings meeting with a sponsor testing clean and completing in-home services not to mention getting a job now they wanted me to talk my Dad into taking my mom out of power of attorney something he had done years before I had even ever had my daughter . although my dad was awesome enough to let us live with him and support us through this horrible time he really didn't have another choice but to leave my mom on power of attorney so during the meantime in-home services wanted us to come up with an alternative living plan. Basically if my dad ever were to lose his own mind, my mom would be able to step in and even if we had our daughter would be able to force us to leave having power of attorney and then we would be homeless with a child. although I've been doing hair for 15 years I lost my clientele several years ago at an awesome hair salon where I was making a ton of money. Now it's not so easy for me to make money especially working a job making minimum wage and having to attend classes four nights a week in home classes at the house and go to separate meetings for Narcotics Anonymous. I started getting discouraged and to be honest I failed a couple more drug test but DHR was still willing to work with me because I had gone so long without having a dirty drug test that they wanted to give me the opportunity to be clean and get my daughter back. It was during this time that my mom who we have never really gotten along with stepped in and started telling me things like you know you're never going to get her back you know you can't take care of her you're never going to get clean you know you cannot do that you might as well let me have her. although I had a true desire in my heart to really get clean and get my daughter back I was starting to feel very tired and give in to my mom's pressure. I then got a phone call from her one day telling me that she wanted me and my fiance to think about signing our daughter over to her and letting her and my stepdad adopt my daughter. she promised that I would always be in my daughter's life that she would never keep us from her and that we would have a equal opportunity in watching her grow up and that she was genuinely trying to help because she loves my daughter so much and my daughter had already been living with her for a while. when it came time for us to go sign and meet my mother's attorney I got cold feet and my car was about to break down but in the midst of her anger she said her ass will be in foster care by this evening if you do not sign her over.I immediately started crying because I thought how can a woman who says she loves my daughter so much threaten to throw her in foster care so fast just because we're not ready to sign her over. but to my surprise she yelled I mean it I will send her ass to foster care this evening if you don't get up there and sign the papers right now the both of y'all. I was in a frantic State because although I love my daughter so much and wanted to get her back the last thing I wanted to do was sign her over to a person who was threatening to put her in foster care if I didn't sign her over. Although I wasn't ready to sign my daughter over I could not stand the thought of her going into foster care so I told my fiance we had no choice and we had to sign to make sure that our daughter would never be out of my mother's care. the first thing my fiance said was there's no way she would do that. I told him that she had just said it on over the phone in fact he had heard her and we decided it was best not to take any chances. so as mad and as upset as we were we went and signed my daughter over. I also need to mention the fact that my fiance loves our daughter more than anything but he is on disability because he suffers from a past PTSD and anxiety that most cannot imagine. but he has always remained in touch and took proper care of his self through staying in touch with his psychiatrist and he was monitored so it's not like he was unsafe around our daughter. most cannot imagine a PTSD and anxiety but it is true and he does receive a monthly check for it one where you will be taken care of for the rest of his life and have the health care he needs and food and anything else he needs to sustain him for the rest of his life. His disability is known as major depressive disorder and PTSD. He was even taken by surprise by my mom's crazy way and honestly I dont believe he had taken well to my mothers pressure in his current mental state and he was so depressed and I think that he might have even been extremely stressed by this situation. like I said neither of us wanted to see her go to foster care. so without any further adue we both went and signed my daughter over to my mother and stepfather. now that we have signed her over we are not getting to see her at all. I mentioned before that me and my mom had never really gotten along and now she's on a power trip holding my child from me my fiance and my dad. please tell me it is not too late but there is something I can possibly do overturn these papers we were made sign by my mother in such a bossy mean manipulative way. I've been told by others that once we signed her over but there is absolutely no getting her back. so where I was once heavily involved in my daughter's life at least through visitation, I now don't see her absolutely at all. I've been wanting to talk to someone who has an unbiased opinion and will tell me the truth what I need to hear, thank you for your time
Most of the novella you posted is irrelevant. Please edit out the majority of the post to about 200 words with white space between paragraphs. As it is written it is VERY difficult to read.
Thanks.
 
Let me rephrase...is there any possibility of getting her back through staying clean working getting my own place and if not can I even regain visitation?
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
As a courtesy to fellow posters facing this block of text, an edited version:

CrystalLITE8991:
What is the name of your state?Alabama In 2016 I became unexpectedly pregnant. My mother was concerned because I am a heroin addict. I went into treatment for my addiction during my pregnancy and was taking Subutex. DHR became involved after my daughter was born, and started monitoring me and my daughter's father through drug testing.

I was passing the drug tests for most of a year, until I started taking meth and failed 4 drug tests in a row.

DHR took my daughter away from me and her Dad and were able to place her with my Mom.

My fiance and I went to treatment classes four nights a week, obtained a sponsor through Narcotics Anonymous, did in-home services, and I worked. We both did fail a couple of drug tests and before long I had my mom telling me the best thing to do was to sign my daughter over.

(For some reason, I find it relevant to note that we have lived with my father all during this saga, and that for some reason, even though she has remarried, my Mom retains a power of attorney over my Dad. Dad is awesome! Mom is a controlling sober you-know-what who needs to chill.)

My mother got frustrated that I kept relapsing occasionally and demanded that I sign papers at Mom's attorney's office allowing my Mom and stepdad to adopt my daughter. My Mom said it would be an open adoption.

I did not read the papers before signing.

My Mom is not allowing us to see our daughter.

Can I undo the adoption, or at least force my Mom to allow my daughter to visit with me and my fiance, her biological parents?
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
If the adoption has been finalized, then it cannot be undone.
If the adoption has not been finalized, then you may have options.

If the adoption has been finalized, then your best bet for getting to see your daughter grow up is as follows:
1) Become completely sober. Not mostly sober. No drugs, legal or illegal.
2) Become independent. Move out of Dad's place.
3) Be really nice to your Mom and stepdad. And respectful.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
As a courtesy to fellow posters facing this block of text, an edited version:

CrystalLITE8991:
What is the name of your state?Alabama In 2016 I became unexpectedly pregnant. My mother was concerned because I am a heroin addict. I went into treatment for my addiction during my pregnancy and was taking Subutex. DHR became involved after my daughter was born, and started monitoring me and my daughter's father through drug testing.

I was passing the drug tests for most of a year, until I started taking meth and failed 4 drug tests in a row.

DHR took my daughter away from me and her Dad and were able to place her with my Mom.

My fiance and I went to treatment classes four nights a week, obtained a sponsor through Narcotics Anonymous, did in-home services, and I worked. We both did fail a couple of drug tests and before long I had my mom telling me the best thing to do was to sign my daughter over.

(For some reason, I find it relevant to note that we have lived with my father all during this saga, and that for some reason, even though she has remarried, my Mom retains a power of attorney over my Dad. Dad is awesome! Mom is a controlling sober you-know-what who needs to chill.)

My mother got frustrated that I kept relapsing occasionally and demanded that I sign papers at Mom's attorney's office allowing my Mom and stepdad to adopt my daughter. My Mom said it would be an open adoption.

I did not read the papers before signing.

My Mom is not allowing us to see our daughter.

Can I undo the adoption, or at least force my Mom to allow my daughter to visit with me and my fiance, her biological parents?
In total seriousness you, Dear Red, should get a flipping metal/award/check for 5K for that edit. Awesome...just awesome! I got about 1/3 of the way through it before my eyes crossed and I gave up.
 

commentator

Senior Member
Crystal, you and I both know what sort of condition you're in while you're posting all this, don't we? What you are stumbling around with here is, IS THERE ANY HOPE? Is there any need for me to even keep trying?

You tell us how amazing your love for your daughter is, how it was the most amazing thing you have ever found, and how your child and having her is the best thing that ever happened to you, and it changed you. I know, and I do hope, and pray for you, that there is HOPE that you can at some point, at some time, have a chance of ever getting to see, be with and even possibly be a mother to your child again.

You got clean enough, and stayed that way long enough to allow her to be born un-addicted and hopefully with all the health a pregnant momma could give her. This is so very much a good thing to your credit. This, more than anything else, shows that you care and you can do good things.

But seriously, you know, being in a program and working it doesn't mean failing FOUR drug tests in a row. You're not clean. You and the love of your life are addicts, and will always be. And you are addicted to (in my opinion) the meanest and most dangerous of things. The reason that they came for your daughter is that unlike heroin addicts, meth addicts don't just sit around and nod out, they get up and stomp their children to death sometimes, all mixed up and thinking they're doing right. And you know what? Those people who do that don't love their children ANY less than, or don't grieve any less than you do or would grieve if something horrible happened to your daughter.

RIght now, the state, and your mother cannot let you have another chance at being with your daughter, because the drugs have got control of your life, not you, and they will possibly allow you to hurt your child terribly. You know this.

Yes, there is a reason for you to keep trying. There is hope. There is the chance that you can show your daughter how much you love her by honestly truly getting clean, which is one of the hardest things in the world and very few people succeed at doing. As far as "Do I have a chance of getting to see my child again?" As a legal question, get custody, maybe not. But see her again, with your mother's permission, yes, certainly. You do have this chance. It will take time, and it will take a lot of serious commitment.

Think if you were the judge and you were hearing your case. For one thing, you'd have to be straight and clear minded and able to present the case. You'd have to have a lot of good history behind you since now. Of a significant amount of time with no "slipsies" where we accidentally screwed up and failed four or five or even ONE drug test. With a job. A place to live. No drama. Someone who has escaped the terrible world where you have been living for a long time.

Best wishes and prayers to you. Work your program. There is hope.
 

Eekamouse

Senior Member
You are looking at your situation from the wrong angle. Try looking at it from what's best for the child angle. Here, you have a mom who goes on and on about her incredible love for her child yet this same mom also won't stay off drugs in order to be able to take care of and raise this child. Instead of being grateful to her own mother for the way she's stepped in and kept this mother's child from going to strangers in a foster home, she's acting like her mom is a bad person who planned to steal her child from her all along. The idea is so ridiculous you can't help but laugh. OP, your mother isn't catering to what you want. She's focused on what's best for her grandchild. You are not what's best for your child. And stop lying to yourself. You are not a victim of circumstance. You are a drug addict and you're selfish and you're dedicated to denying any responsibility for your life's choices.
 

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