CA father seeks visitation advice

[castepmom]

I need some sound opinions/advice on how to handle some visitation questions that I have regarding my 13 year old daugther and my ex wife.

I have been divorced since 1990 and have only the orginal divorce decree that addresses the subject of visitation. My ex has been remarried, had a child and has been separated for the last five years. I am remarried with 3 other children and pay my child support on time and regularly.

I cannot communicate nor enteract with my ex wife at all and that has made for a strained relationship with my daugther. I have been a workaholic for most of my adult life and have never pursued much of my rights as a father up until 5 years ago when I met my wife now. My parents babysit for my daugther up until her mother moved her out of town and I would see her there at the times when I wasn't working.

After I remarried, my ex started telling me that my daugther didn't want to come and visit and that she wasn't going to make her come to my house when she didn't want to. I didn't want to force my daugther to visit me, so I left well enough alone, besides what was I supposed to do - call the police? That wouldn't have helped matters anyway, maybe even made them worse.

I have settled for every other weekend when it was convienient for the mother or other times when possible. Now, at age 13 my daugther states she wants to spend more time with me and my family. I have done everything but go back to court to make this happen. My ex, current wife, daugther and myself made an agrrement between all of us for about 50/50 split visitation. That has been going on now for about 3 months.

Today, out of the blue, my ex sent an email message saying that things were going back to the original court order and now my hands are tied as to what to do. I spoke to my daugther and she doesn't want to fight her mother, likes it over here but doesn't want to move back and forth either.

I want to go back to court but only if it is to do what my daugther wants/wishes. If she wants more time over here but not a full time schedule, will the courts listen to her? What is an appropraite schedule to share time with her but not interrupt her life and school work?

The court order says I can have her either Wednesday or Thursday nights, if I can arrange with work to accompadated that schedule, should I exsercise that right or go back to court and take what the judge will give me?

I may never have been the ultimate father but I am trying to make amends for my errors in judgements. i want a relationship with my daugther but don't want to put her through the termoil of a court hearing against her mother, in spite of how I feel about my ex. Can someone help me? I need to put this issue to rest once and for all.

Any help that is offered I am grateful for!

 

[JENNIFERALISE]

Dear castepmom,
I personally have fought an ongoing custody battle for over 5 years and have spent an excess of over $30,000!
I now have full leagal custody of my now 6 year-old and wouldn't change a thing!! Yes you are in an awkward situation and for the time being you have to obey the original court order if in fact it has never been modified-or else you may find yourself in contempt of that order! Before proceeding to the courts you may want to have a talk with your daughter the next time you see her. Ask her what she would like as far as visitation. This is something that should be discussed between you and her alone without any third parties. You may also intrigue on what her feelings are toward your current spouse-to make sure there are no resentments. A few more questions you may want to ask your self as well--has your ex spouse moved out of the state that the custody order was signed in? If so what state would take over jurisdiction; the state it was signed, the birth-state of the child or the state you currently reside in? Do not make the mistake I did and move before any modifications! I had to travel several times a year from AZ to PA as PA was the birth state and over ruled AZ courts!!!
You might consider the fact that you can retain an attorney on your daughter's behalf as she is old enough to testify on her own in court as to what she wants. As any judge wil probably go with the word of the child--unless prevailing evidence shows why either parent is unfit.
Remember what most people don't---It is what is best for the child!!!!!!!
I hope this has helped and good luck to you and your family