California Ex-Parte Nightmare - Dedicated Dad to Deadbeat Dad In A Week Flat

[railroaded1975]

Hello. Any advice on the following would be appreciated.
Please bear with me on the backstory.

After 13 years of marriage on Nov 15, my wife decided that she wanted to have her own place and moved to a different county about 20 minutes away. We have 4 children who go to school, have friends and family in the town I live in.

When my wife first left she had the children mostly and refused to create a schedule that did not put me in a weekend daddy role. After two weeks of this, I decided that the kids were going to stay at home as it was in their best interest, and that she could have them on the weekends and visit during the week. In my mind this made sense as this is where our children have lived nearly all of their lives.

On Dec 10 she filed an Ex Parte motion based on the following:
- that I am attempting to alienate her from the children
- that I am not cooperating with her in regards to our daugthers diabetic care
- that I have taken full control of custody and visitation of our children
- that our children have too much responsibility when they are with me

(Are these even valid reasons?)
At the same time she files a petition for full physical and legal custody, along with a restraining order to prevent me from going out of state. Now also mind you that none of this paperwork is officially served to me. My wife shows up unannounced in the morning on Dec 10, says that she is filing ex-parte (which at the time don't know what that is), and then I have to run down to the court house to play investigator and to discover all of this.

At the initial hearing the next day, the judge..excuse me...commissioner ruled that things should stay as they are, but we needed to goto emergency mediation. (Stay as they are meaning that it makes sense for the children to stay with me as that is where they go to school and where there family and friends are.) and that we would need to go back to court in one week on the next Friday.

Monday morning I get a call from my wife stating that she set a mediation appointment for Monday night after hours from 5:00 - 7:00pm. I call the mediator promptly to let him know that it is impossible for me to attend that. At this time I have care of the kids and my middle daughter has her first concert tonight. The mediator claims that he is booked for the rest of the week and if I don't make it his report is just going to reflect that I am a no show....I don't go. Now what is odd about this here is that the following Tuesday I get the official notice from the courts that says that I must contact the mediator listed above within 48 hours of receipt of this notice...but the mediation date was set prior to receipt of this as my wife set the appointment over the weekend.


So Friday rolls around and there is now a parenting plan that suggest that I can see my kids on weekends, and from 2:30 pm - 7:30 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. (mind you these are times when they are in school and doing after school activities). To make things worse, my wife and her "surprise lawyers" at the hearing state that she does not feel comfortable around me..that she feels threatened. So now what is suggested that I get to see my kids every other weekend.

So in one week I go from being a good dad to a bad dad. A good husband to a potentially abusive one. And the courts buy it all without caring about my side of the story.

Can this be challenged or overturned? Can I sue? It is hard to believe that just by my wife (still officially married) filing some fraudulent paperwork that I now have to listen to an uninformed toy judge, a greedy mediator, and attend co-parenting classes to tell me about how to raise and parent my children that I have been doing all of their lives. (Ages 12, 10, 8, 1 year and the oldest are all exceptional students and little members of society)

Thank you for listening. I am open to advice and input.

 

[stealth2]

#1 - it was foolish of you to blow off the mediation meeting. Yes, I understand about your obligations, but I doubt your daughter's concert began at 5pm. It would have been wise to make alternate arrangements for the kids (including getting the child to school on time), and then explain to the mediator when you were there that you needed to leave at 6:30pm.

#2 - you need a lawyer. Like yesterday.

#3 - I'd lose the attitude of "uninformed toy judge, a greedy mediator, and attend co-parenting classes to tell me about how to raise and parent my children that I have been doing all of their lives." It will hurt you. Badly. And lots of good parents take parenting/co-parenting classes. There is always more to learn. Start learning.

 

[gr8rn]

Are you saying that she moved out without any warning at all, just out of the blue up and left?

You had no clue?

 

[Ronin]

You were not required to attend the mediation that your wife originally scheduled without consulting you, and which as you noted was scheduled prior to the date ordered by the court. However you were obliged to 'contact' the mediator within the requisite 48 hours after the court notified you, and schedule an appointment.

Any proposed parenting plan that resulted from the mediation you missed isn't worth diddly until the judge approves it. You should object that this mediation was set before the court ordered it to be done, and that the mediator refused to reschedule a short-notice meeting set by your wife without your input, and that the "mediation" was conducted in your absence.

But these are all things that a good attorney can handle most effectively. Given the way this case is being litigated, if you continue any further without an attorney, you well almost surely wind up getting royally screwed on the custody matters.

 

[MichaCA]

I agree, you need an attorney. There must be some format for complaining, and it does seem you weren't given fair treatment; I live in CA (know its a big state) and its very odd for them to have scheduled a mediation date, then re-schedule it with no contact to you personally in advance. I also think its odd you were never served with papers to begin with, and then the mediation date was rescheduled without notice to you (by the courts).

Again, there should be some process by which you can redo this...I am also suprised your ex got an exparte on the grounds that she asserted. So many parents post here about actually being alienated from their children for months at a time, pending a future court date, and have always been told there is no recourse. She must have a humdinger attorney...you do need to get one
ASAP.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree, you need an attorney. There must be some format for complaining, and it does seem you weren't given fair treatment; I live in CA (know its a big state) and its very odd for them to have scheduled a mediation date, then re-schedule it with no contact to you personally in advance. I also think its odd you were never served with papers to begin with, and then the mediation date was rescheduled without notice to you (by the courts).

Again, there should be some process by which you can redo this...I am also suprised your ex got an exparte on the grounds that she asserted. So many parents post here about actually being alienated from their children for months at a time, pending a future court date, and have always been told there is no recourse. She must have a humdinger attorney...you do need to get one
ASAP.

I am going to disagree a little bit with you and Ronin. The reason why is that the judge ordered emergency mediation, and mom took the initiative to schedule it quickly.

So, dad blows off the mediation even though the mediator made it clear that it would be a bad idea for dad to do that....particularly with a hearing scheduled for that Friday. The judge expected the mediation to take place on an emergency basis, before the Friday hearing. The mediator was booked the rest of the week. If dad had treated the mediation as importantly as he should have, I am sure that he could have found a babysitter and someone to get the other child to her concert.

I suspect if dad had showed for the mediation, that things would have worked out very differently.

Dad, there is nothing for you to appeal because this is a temporary situation. You need to hire an attorney and get the ball rolling for permanent orders. You also need to learn a lesson from this and listen to court professionals in the future.

Also, a deadbeat dad is a dad who is ordered to pay child support and does everything in his power to avoid doing that. The court has NOT determined that you are a deadbeat dad. Perhaps the court has determined however, that you don't treat the court's orders with the proper respect that you need to treat them. That is one of the biggest reasons why you need an attorney, to make sure that you do not make similar mistakes in the future.

 

[MichaCA]

Thanks for correcting me LdiJ. Maybe its demented thinking on my part, but somehow it threw me off...dads understanding was that mediation was on the following friday (I think)...when I heard the suddenness, timing of the new mediation appointment (in the evening), and that the info came from his ex, not the courts...if I had been in his shoes I don't think I would have followed ex's word. However, it is true he did talk to the mediator on the phone and got it was legitimate, so in spite of the lack of formal notification of the courts, I guess dad should have jumped through whatever hoops he had too...bad response on my part.

Obviously not as savvy to the CA courts as I thought, also a pointer from personal experience to dad...courts have NO regard for personal situations (outside of emergencies) and it is true that whatever is the next legal step to do, absolutely do it to the best of your ability. Sometimes it absolutely will happen at super inconvenient times.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for correcting me LdiJ. Maybe its demented thinking on my part, but somehow it threw me off...dads understanding was that mediation was on the following friday (I think)...when I heard the suddenness, timing of the new mediation appointment (in the evening), and that the info came from his ex, not the courts...if I had been in his shoes I don't think I would have followed ex's word. However, it is true he did talk to the mediator on the phone and got it was legitimate, so in spite of the lack of formal notification of the courts, I guess dad should have jumped through whatever hoops he had too...bad response on my part.

Obviously not as savvy to the CA courts as I thought, also a pointer from personal experience to dad...courts have NO regard for personal situations (outside of emergencies) and it is true that whatever is the next legal step to do, absolutely do it to the best of your ability. Sometimes it absolutely will happen at super inconvenient times.

No...dad's mediation wasn't on the following friday. His next hearing to address what happened in mediation was on the following friday. The judge ordered emergency mediation and then scheduled a follow up court date the next friday to deal with the results of the emergency mediation.

Dad screwed up because he blew off the emergency mediation.

 

[roy9855]

courts in Ca make their own rules

understand that fact up front, and you will do better. As stated, GET A LAWYER!!!

Now having said that, look for a lawyer that is refered to as a child's advocate/Fathers advocate.

I just spent 2yr fighting the court and spent around $14000. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself, dose no good. As it is obvious you have a computer, search Ca codes, will take you to site, go to family law and have fun.

I live in Redding, Ca and I can tell you your in for a rough road.

They also have what is called a legal assistance somewhere in the court where you can recieve legal advice and how to on filling out forms.

If I can be of help, let me know.

 

[roy9855]

PS and probally to late to do you any good, but you have the right to refuse the first judge assigned the case BEFORE it begins