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Can a CA Father Actually Get Full Custody?

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Milehigh

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? California

My husband was previously married and has two children with his ex. When they divorced the kids were 1 & 4. They divorce was pretty mild as they went through a paralegal and didn't have a nasty custody battle. My husband has paid child support consistently for the past 4.5 years as well as covered health care expenses. His ex-wife has only worked for a bout 1 year in these past 4 years and essentially lives off the child support. She has not been working again for the past 1.5 years. So my husband and I are constantly the ones that are paying for everything. We pay for daycare, clothes for both homes, and school field trips, b-day presents, hair cuts, shoes etc. etc. You name it we pay for it. She pays all her bills with the child support money and then she complains that she has no money.

The kids are in school now 6 hours a day, and she still doesn't feel the need to get a job to assist in financially supporting her own children. I have on three different occasions giving her a list of potential job opportunities and she has not done anything with them. She has a new boyfirend now that she has gotten to also give her money every month so she is sitting pretty with the money that she is getting from him as well as the child support my husband gives her. She is living in a house behind her sister's home she usually has unrealiable transportation and the list goes on.

In the beginning of all of this, my husband and I lived 1.5 hours away so she had and still does Primary Physical Custody, but they have Joint Custody together. We would have the children Friday night - Sunday night. My husband would drive the 1.5 hours to get the kids and then drive back on a Friday night, and then we would have to make the same drive again to get them back to her on Sunday night since she would never make the drive or even meet us half way. Last year we moved to the same town and purchased a home 5 minutes from where the boys live with her. We have them just about 50% of the time now, yet we still pay for everything and he still pays her the same amount of child support.

A month ago she was adament that she would move two hours away so she could get away from her family and live with her boyfriend. Teo weeks ago she said that she wouldn't do that because it was selfish of her to do that just because her family couldn't get along with her boyfriend. Now her family is picking up and moving to Idaho and she seriously suggested that she should move too and take the boys with her. My husband of course said no way..and that he didn't agree with that. That's about as far as that conversation went so far.

Every few month or so she tends to make threats about things and says that my husband does not love the boys and that the child support should be re-done to be higher now that both my income and my husband should be put together. Little does she know when this all started my income was included. Either way, every time my husband tells her o.k. well you do what you need to do, and if that means go to court then go ahead, she will often times back down. She must think she would look to highly in court. We have on numerous occassion had to watch the boys on her nights due to her being on medication when she is sick because she can't function being on the medicine. The list goes on and on and on.

Our main issue is that she is essentially sitting aroudn waiting until the first of the month to get her money and not working. NO way would that be acceptable of my husband to sit around and not pay the child support. He would have to find some sort of job even at McDonalds. Why is it o.k. for her to be doing nothing to support her children. On top of that now she thinks she wants to take them out of state.

What can we do to try to get full custody?
 


casa

Senior Member
Milehigh said:
What is the name of your state? California

My husband was previously married and has two children with his ex. When they divorced the kids were 1 & 4. They divorce was pretty mild as they went through a paralegal and didn't have a nasty custody battle. My husband has paid child support consistently for the past 4.5 years as well as covered health care expenses. His ex-wife has only worked for a bout 1 year in these past 4 years and essentially lives off the child support. She has not been working again for the past 1.5 years. So my husband and I are constantly the ones that are paying for everything. We pay for daycare, clothes for both homes, and school field trips, b-day presents, hair cuts, shoes etc. etc. You name it we pay for it. She pays all her bills with the child support money and then she complains that she has no money.

The kids are in school now 6 hours a day, and she still doesn't feel the need to get a job to assist in financially supporting her own children. I have on three different occasions giving her a list of potential job opportunities and she has not done anything with them. She has a new boyfirend now that she has gotten to also give her money every month so she is sitting pretty with the money that she is getting from him as well as the child support my husband gives her. She is living in a house behind her sister's home she usually has unrealiable transportation and the list goes on.

In the beginning of all of this, my husband and I lived 1.5 hours away so she had and still does Primary Physical Custody, but they have Joint Custody together. We would have the children Friday night - Sunday night. My husband would drive the 1.5 hours to get the kids and then drive back on a Friday night, and then we would have to make the same drive again to get them back to her on Sunday night since she would never make the drive or even meet us half way. Last year we moved to the same town and purchased a home 5 minutes from where the boys live with her. We have them just about 50% of the time now, yet we still pay for everything and he still pays her the same amount of child support.

A month ago she was adament that she would move two hours away so she could get away from her family and live with her boyfriend. Teo weeks ago she said that she wouldn't do that because it was selfish of her to do that just because her family couldn't get along with her boyfriend. Now her family is picking up and moving to Idaho and she seriously suggested that she should move too and take the boys with her. My husband of course said no way..and that he didn't agree with that. That's about as far as that conversation went so far.

Every few month or so she tends to make threats about things and says that my husband does not love the boys and that the child support should be re-done to be higher now that both my income and my husband should be put together. Little does she know when this all started my income was included. Either way, every time my husband tells her o.k. well you do what you need to do, and if that means go to court then go ahead, she will often times back down. She must think she would look to highly in court. We have on numerous occassion had to watch the boys on her nights due to her being on medication when she is sick because she can't function being on the medicine. The list goes on and on and on.

Our main issue is that she is essentially sitting aroudn waiting until the first of the month to get her money and not working. NO way would that be acceptable of my husband to sit around and not pay the child support. He would have to find some sort of job even at McDonalds. Why is it o.k. for her to be doing nothing to support her children. On top of that now she thinks she wants to take them out of state.

What can we do to try to get full custody?
Don't confuse child support with custody/visitation. Father pays court ordered child support- period. If he is court ordered to pay daycare then he does that also- however anything else, he is not responsible for paying.

Even though father pays child support, he does not pay all the bills for the mother- it's impossible to pay rent, food, clothing, utilities etc. on child support alone. :rolleyes: Also you are mistaken if you believe that your income matters re; child support. It's not your income that determines support- it's the father's income and what his expenses are. Now, his expenses might be slightly lower since you share in paying for them- but CA does not use the spouses income in determining support.

Change in custody in CA requires a substantial change in circumstance~ Read what that entails in CA Family Code. The mother's situation as you've described it does not meet those requirements. She is not abusing or neglecting the children. You may not like where she lives or whether she works or not- but that's not going to change custody.

You sending her job opportunities is inappropriate and clearly overstepping your boundary. It's not your position to send your husband's X wife job listings. :cool:

If your husband does not like doing all the driving for visitation- then he needs to file a motion in court to modify visitation and ask that the mother be responsible for 1/2 the transportation. Whether or not he gets that ordered, is up to the judge. However, your husband providing transportation all this time only demonstrates he is ok with the arrangement- and now is changing his mind.
 
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Milehigh

Junior Member
Yes, the money that he gives her is used to pay her rent, utilities and food, her car insurance etc. She does not work and has not other income coming to her. As for the clothing for the children she doesn't spend money on that, we pay for clothing for both homes. Not just our home. When you rent from your parents all things are possible I guess.

We live 5 minutes from the children now, so driving is not an issue now. When we lived 1.5 hours away we didn't have a choice. Was he not supposed to get see his children. If he didn't drive the 1.5 hours to get them he's be considered a dead beat about not seeing his children. She was certainly not going to make any effort to get them to us.

As for myself and his ex we have a fairly civil relationship because there are children involved. She told my husband that it was nice of me to find some job opportunities for her, now you may think I stepped over the line, but others don't.

I appreciate your input but I had to reply to a few items you mentioned.
 

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