Can court order force son to miss football pictures?

[lgemar]

My wife had two boys before we got married. She shares joint custody with her ex (never married). It's week on/week off. The ex has visitation which occurs every Thursday from 5-8pm. The youngest has football pictures at 4:45 pm and a game at 5:15 pm. The dad says he'll call the cops if we don't drop off the boys at his residence at 5pm. This would cause him to miss pictures. Is there anything we can do?

 

[Taxing Matters]

My wife had two boys before we got married. She shares joint custody with her ex (never married). It's week on/week off. The ex has visitation which occurs every Thursday from 5-8pm. The youngest has football pictures at 4:45 pm and a game at 5:15 pm. The dad says he'll call the cops if we don't drop off the boys at his residence at 5pm. This would cause him to miss pictures. Is there anything we can do?

Try reasoning with the Dad to allow him to drop the kid off after pictures. Otherwise, the risk is your wife will be found in contempt if she drops the kid off late and her ex decides to press the issue in court. After all, the order says what it says and he's entitled to his time with the kid. I don't see as likely that the police would do anything about it. This is after all a civil matter, not a criminal one. But contempt sanctions can hurt, too. Your wife can talk to her attorney about how likely it is that the court would hit her for contempt over the kid being a little late due to the pictures.

 

[lgemar]

Thanks. We've tried reasoning with him to no avail. I offered to drop them off with him or his parents early (4:30 or so) with the reasoning being that he could be the one to take the youngest to pictures and to the game. I'm the coach and stepdad so I feel I need to be there for the whole team, but I may leave that to my assistant so I can be there when we drop off the boys. (I get a little worried about him making a scene if it's only my wife dropping them off.)

 

[CdwJava]

Depending on the state, this might also be a criminal matter (as it can be in CA) - although it's not likely to be one where the police are going to do more than make a report.

I agree with TM and would encourage mom to try and reason with dad to allow the youngest to get his photo taken. I see that you offered to drop the child off early. Has dad rejected the idea out of hand? Is he willing to take the child to photos? If not, has the child actually asked dad to take him for the photos? I simply cannot imagine a father would want to deprive his child of such a thing if the child had even the remotest interest. I had 3 of 4 sons in youth football and can't imagine NOT having those photos.

 

[lgemar]

He has rejected it saying that he's done with doing anything contrary to what's written in the order. He claims that since he doesn't trust my wife (his ex), he will only follow the order word for word. He also says it's also our fault if he misses because we aren't flexible on things. (Despite the fact that we have repeatedly let him change visitation days because the games land on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Thursday is his normal visitation day; we usually let him move it to Wednesday.)

 

[quincy]

The father is not able to pick up the boys?

What state are you in?

 

[Taxing Matters]

(Despite the fact that we have repeatedly let him change visitation days because the games land on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Thursday is his normal visitation day; we usually let him move it to Wednesday.)

Is that switch accomodating him or you? It seems you are the one interested in promoting the kid going to games and would want the kid there on Thursdays.

 

[lgemar]

I was trying to accommodate him. I told him that I could take him to pictures, and he could meet us there. (I also coach the team so I try to be there a little early.) I also said that I would be willing to drop them off with his parents beforehand (4-4:30pm) if he would rather have them take the boys to pictures and the game. The father works until close to 5 so he usually arrives at the games (5:15pm) right on the dot; that's why I tried to offer different options.

State: SD

 

[Ohiogal]

Stepdad you are over involved

 

[stealth2]

Mom can follow the court order. Which would include not signing the child up for activities that interfere with Dad's time (and then rubbing salt in that wound by having stepDad involved in that activity). Honestly - it is a bit presumptuous. Dad not only has to accommodate two evenings of his every other week, but also his mid-week time every other.

What has Mom (not you) done to sweeten the pot?


And I agree with OG - step back.

 

[CdwJava]

It sounds to me as if stepdad is offering some possible solutions, not interfering. If youth football is something the child has an interest in, it could be that dad is being obstinate because it's not something HE is as involved in. I used to see these disputes with some frequency in youth football and, to a lesser extent, little league. It was often more about the parent's own ego than about the child. I'm wondering if that may not be what is in play here? Dad's not as integral a part of the football experience and sees his son engaged with stepdad, and as a result gets his hackles up.

The problem is that absent a modification to a custody order, dad can be an obstinate ass all he wants so long as his actions comply with the court order.

Perhaps mom should consider returning to court to seek additional language about sports and extra curricular activities because these disputes have a tendency to continue to pop up in a child's life and it's the CHILD who loses out to one or both parent's egos.

 

[stealth2]

I would agree, except there seems to be more at play, given Dad's insistence on following the letter of the order somewhat suddenly. OP's "need" to be at drop-offs adds to that feeling of mine.

 

[CdwJava]

I have seen parents turn on a dime when egos have been threatened. If football was what the CHILD wanted, I would think that a decent dad would tolerate the one day inconvenience for the sake of the child. Especially since mom appears to be willing to offer quid pro quo. I'm thinking that dad might be ... jealous? Afraid? .... put off by the fact that stepdad may be possessed of more quality time with the child than he is.

Nothing prevents dad from taking the child for pictures, practice, etc., himself. The fact that dad seems to be insistent upon denying his child the opportunity to attend practice or get his photo taken with the team raises red flags to me. It could be that dad's hackles were up already, and if this is an isolated event - the one day of pictures - he sees an opportunity to stand firm on the court order to be ... well, to be stubborn. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have seen this type of scenario played out ... and how many I have been compelled to intervene.

I'm curious whether dad is also making the child to miss the game(s) at 5:15, or is it just the one afternoon for pictures?

 

[stealth2]

Thing is, though, it really isn't a one-day inconvenience. Every other week, Dad has to accommodate two evenings. Well, one, as it's a reasonable assumption that Mom gets Thursday evening on her weeks. What does give me pause is that it seems to be OP dealing with Dad. OP offered this, OP does that. Where is Mom in the picture? What is she offering to gain Dad's cooperation? Is this a one-off situation? Or a pattern?

 

[CdwJava]

Mom could be nervous or afraid of dad. We don't know. And the OP says "we" have tried reasoning with dad, so that implies that it could be one or both of them. It's not unreasonable for the OP to speak for or with mom if that's her choice. Granted, dad doesn't have to legally abide by stepdad's wishes, but, it should not be about anyone's wishes - it should be about the child. And, unless the child was forced to play football against his will, the people that appear to have a greater focus on the child are mom and stepdad.

If dad were focused on the child, he shouldn't have a problem with what appears to have been proposed. If he's refusing to allow the child to have pictures with the team simply so he can get 15 more minutes to stare at his kid, that's darn selfish if you ask me.

I'd still like to know if dad is blocking practice every week, or if it is only this one picture day that is the issue. I have known children who grew up resenting a parent that refused to allow them to play sports or engage in other extra curricular activities because they had a pissing match with another parent. If this child will be denied sporting or other activities (gymnastics, theater, music, etc.) because a parent prefers to have exclusive time for themselves, then that parent runs the risk of alienating that child.