can custodial parent interfere w/ visitation

[jelly]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

Having limited access to my children that live a few states away is hard enough, when I finally get them for summers mommy decides to come to town and "borrow" them, cutting into my summer visitation time. Mommy is not very considerate of other people's time and thus I'll spend hours trying to get my kids back because shell committ to return them at X time, then calls an hour late saying "no, you come get them" and by the time we all get home we have lost yet another precious day together. can she do this? is there any boundary?

another thing, when i got there this summer her house looked like a fleamarket threw up in there, at best. the house was practically gutted, to the point of being hazardous. there is no excuse for this but, are cutodial parents legally accountable to anyone?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

Having limited access to my children that live a few states away is hard enough, when I finally get them for summers mommy decides to come to town and "borrow" them, cutting into my summer visitation time. Mommy is not very considerate of other people's time and thus I'll spend hours trying to get my kids back because shell committ to return them at X time, then calls an hour late saying "no, you come get them" and by the time we all get home we have lost yet another precious day together. can she do this? is there any boundary?

another thing, when i got there this summer her house looked like a fleamarket threw up in there, at best. the house was practically gutted, to the point of being hazardous. there is no excuse for this but, are cutodial parents legally accountable to anyone?

My response:

You might wish to file an OSC to have the court entertain your need for relief under a tort action for damages based on interference with custody/visitation rights or child abuse, to include her intentional infliction of emotional distress and other tort claims based on violations of your rights under the State court custody orders.

IAAL

 

[concerned sw]

easy answer

Don't let her borrow them. My husbands ex tries the same things and we politely tell her no. We don't even have to give her an excuse or reason. She tries to plan events on the times we have him and expects us to pay the travel expenses. A firm polite "no" should do the trick.

 

[txkowgirl6]

I second that motion. What is wrong with you people to not be able to say NO. This is my time and unless it is something really really special that the child has been looking forwarad to like Great Grandmas wedding at Disney World, just say NO.

 

[fried eggs]

Re: Re: can custodial parent interfere w/ visitation

My response:

You might wish to file an OSC to have the court entertain your need for relief under a tort action for damages based on interference with custody/visitation rights or child abuse, to include her intentional infliction of emotional distress and other tort claims based on violations of your rights under the State court custody orders.

IAAL

Why, oh great learned one? Wouldn't it be easier to 'Just Say No'?

*sizzle*

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: Re: Re: can custodial parent interfere w/ visitation

Why, oh great learned one? Wouldn't it be easier to 'Just Say No'?

*sizzle*

My response:

Do you remember when our writer said - -

" . . . when I finally get them for summers mommy decides to come to town and "borrow" them, cutting into my summer visitation time."

At first, I thought of everyone else's "obvious" answer; i.e., saying "no"; however, that's not the problem for our writer.

Our writer's problem is what does he say to little Susie who comes running to the front door when she hears her mommy's voice? Say "No" ?

Real bad Karma for Susie.

So, the next best thing is to spare Susie, and to take Mommy Dearest back to court to teach her the proper protocol.

IAAL

 

[Taz93]

I wouldn't do it, because she is playing GAMES and she wouldn't give you the kids if the shoe was on the other foot now would she/

 

[jelly]

saying no sounds easy.. except children are very perceptive and may interpret it as ill will towards mommy. mommy already is the type of person that goes out of her way to make sure everyone knows she is always the victim in everything, and that everything is everyone elses fault. so saying no may backfire in terms on confirming, in their eyes, that its true, people are mean to her for no apparent reason. saying no just to "win" may have adverse consequences. its nice taht there is a permanent ways to set a boundary.
also, saying no in this case would launch a retaliatory campaign that in the end would just reflect poorly and the children would not win either..

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

saying no sounds easy.. except children are very perceptive and may interpret it as ill will towards mommy. mommy already is the type of person that goes out of her way to make sure everyone knows she is always the victim in everything, and that everything is everyone elses fault. so saying no may backfire in terms on confirming, in their eyes, that its true, people are mean to her for no apparent reason. saying no just to "win" may have adverse consequences. its nice taht there is a permanent ways to set a boundary.
also, saying no in this case would launch a retaliatory campaign that in the end would just reflect poorly and the children would not win either..

My response:

Okay. You have been given two methods of dealing with your problem, and answers to your question, "are cutodial parents legally accountable to anyone?" - - one, merely saying "No", and the other to involve the courts.

Then, you inform us that Mommy is a "martyr" and to do anything would result in "a retaliatory campaign that in the end would just reflect poorly and the children would not win either."

You appear to be arguing against yourself.

What, then, would you like to do that would help solve your problem and answer your question? I'm sure you've thought about it at length, and we'd like to read your views on an "answer" so that we can discuss the pros and cons.

IAAL

 

[Grandma B]

My response:

Okay. You have been given two methods of dealing with your problem, and answers to your question, "are cutodial parents legally accountable to anyone?" - - one, merely saying "No", and the other to involve the courts.

Then, you inform us that Mommy is a "martyr" and to do anything would result in "a retaliatory campaign that in the end would just reflect poorly and the children would not win either."

You appear to be arguing against yourself.

What, then, would you like to do that would help solve your problem and answer your question? I'm sure you've thought about it at length, and we'd like to read your views on an "answer" so that we can discuss the pros and cons.

IAAL

Evenin' Dear Mr. L. I think you missed jelly's penultimate statement: "its nice taht there is a permanent ways to set a boundary." which I read to be in response to your taking her to court suggestion. The remainder of his response pertained to "just saying no."

 

[efcoco]

Just sayin NO...is easy..
but really...When you have to see the faces of your child...
and them really not being able to understand what is going on...nor do you want them to know...what is going on..
ITS HARD.
I say ....when all else fails...Go to ct.
sometimes and alot of times ..we "adults" act selfishly.
What do we know..
If we knew so much....we wouldnt be here...asking for advise.
Hey...if you can work it out..out of ct...by all means..do that.
But not alot of ex's get along..and feel like eachone is screwing the other..or one will see how much they can get away with....because..in my case...the ex knew..that I would see ..that no matter what...my son was taken care of..whether it be letting his dad pick him up..early..when we had plans..because my son was so excited...and my son would look at me ...and say why cant I go see my dad?? or when my son would look at me and not understand the big deal about me taking him to his dads because his dad "could not" leave the house...AND TO SEE MY CHILDS LOOK ON HIS FACE...LOOKING AT ME LIKE...MOM...WHATS THE BIG DEAL...TAKE ME TO MY DADS AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK....WELL ..I TOOK HIM. BUT SOMEWHERE..IT HAS TO STOP..AND IF THAT MEANS GOING TO CT...GO TO CT...
IF ITS THAT EASY..TO SAY NO...AND NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD SO INVOLVED..THAN JUST SAY NO.
ME ...MYSELF...I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN TO CT ALONG TIME AGO...NO ANGER... NO RESENTMENT...JUST THINK IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER..FOR ALL INVOLVED.

 

[TNBSMommy]

You say she will play the "martyr" if you say no to her, well, you know, if you don't stand up to her she will win these games each and every time. Every time you let her have the children during your time she wins another round. You state you don't even live in that town, so why do you care if she pulls that. Last year, after not seeing my kids for about 6 months,(long story short- I took him to court to get visitation set in stone and he didn't show up so he lost visitation) my ex talked to my daughter. Now I hadn't said much to the kids about what happened, just that daddy couldn't see them till he went to court. In his conversation with my daughter he told her he wanted to see her, but I, along with the "mean old" judge wouldn't let him. That evening, after she threw one h*** of a fit I finally sat her down, and told her, "THIS is why your dad can't see you. THIS is what has to happen for him to be able to. THIS is what would happen if someone told ME I couldn't see you"(and it sure wasn't what he was doing) I layed it all out for her,and you know what, his "poor me" sob story didn't work anymore. I put it to her in terms she could understand. And I told her that with all her stepdad and I did for her and her brother, I would NOT stand by and let her treat us like that.
All I am trying to say is you need to stand up for yourself, and whether it is taking her to court, or just telling her no, if you don't do something she will not stop And you will have to go through it every time you have your kids until the day the last one turns 18. Good luck to you.