Can he do this?

[rpowers2380]

What is the name of your state? Connecticut
I have been dating someone for about six months and it is starting to get seriouse. I have not told the father of my one year old because he has vowed to make my life a living hell. I have not introduced my daughter to my guy because I wanted to make sure that everything was on the up and up before I got her involved. My daughter's father is starting to catch on that I am dating someone and he wants to meet him and talk to him. Can the courts allow that? Also, is it a possibility that a court can tell me that I cannot bring my daughter around this man if my ex does not approve of him? What happends if he asks me to marry him, I would have to bring my daughter in that situation without her even knowing him? I am looking for some advice, and see how my mediator would react to me introducing my daughter to my boyfriend....

 

[kpepperz]

Also, is it a possibility that a court can tell me that I cannot bring my daughter around this man if my ex does not approve of him?

Nope, unless there is proof you boyfriend is a pedophile. Who cares if your ex "does not approve" of your boyfriend, he's not the one dating him. He cannot control every aspect of your life.

 

[rpowers2380]

Nope, unless there is proof you boyfriend is a pedophile. Who cares if your ex "does not approve" of your boyfriend, he's not the one dating him. He cannot control every aspect of your life.

Awesome! Thanks! I just didn't know how much control he could have over my daughter being around him.

 

[casa]

Awesome! Thanks! I just didn't know how much control he could have over my daughter being around him.

Be aware though that 'some' courts can rule in favor, if a parent petitions, to not allow overnight visits outside of marriage. (Not saying it's fair, just that it can happen)

 

[haiku]

Be aware though that 'some' courts can rule in favor, if a parent petitions, to not allow overnight visits outside of marriage. (Not saying it's fair, just that it can happen)

thankfully that si not to commonly done here in the New England states, if a parent objects to the idea of having it put in.....

It absolutely none of your ex's business, just as it is none of your business who he dates.

And saying that, I must ask, Are you still in the process of working out custody and visitation? Or do you already have permanent orders?

if you are still in the midst of mediation, you may want to "Lay low" about any new relationships, as you don't want to muddy the water with fights over such things like "no cohabitation of opposite sex" when you should be more concerned about when you are getting your child for christmas holidays for example.

take it slow, the baby years go by very fast. My daughters first year was a blur because I spent most of it in mediation, over petty stuff. it had to be done, but I am regretful. in hindsite, there are alot of things I would have done differently, including jumping right into a new relationship. (I can say that because the 'new" relationship and I just celebrated 5 years of marriage,)

Themost important thing to concentrate while stuck in the mediation process is the baby, and how to get a fair agreement, not anything else. if it is meant to be it can wait a little bit till those permanant papers get signed.

eventually given time there is no reason, if things have been going well to invite your ex to meet your boyfriend over coffee, either.

 

[Ambr]

I have been dating someone for about six months and it is starting to get seriouse........ I have not introduced my daughter to my guy because I wanted to make sure that everything was on the up and up before I got her involved.

You know, everybody usually hollers at the CP for bringing the child around the "new" boyfriend and bringing men in and out of the childs life. But you never hear anybody say anything when its the reverse side of the story.

You are using your brain, and it sounds like you are putting your child first. Great job mom!

 

[rpowers2380]

thankfully that si not to commonly done here in the New England states, if a parent objects to the idea of having it put in.....

It absolutely none of your ex's business, just as it is none of your business who he dates.

And saying that, I must ask, Are you still in the process of working out custody and visitation? Or do you already have permanent orders?

if you are still in the midst of mediation, you may want to "Lay low" about any new relationships, as you don't want to muddy the water with fights over such things like "no cohabitation of opposite sex" when you should be more concerned about when you are getting your child for christmas holidays for example.

take it slow, the baby years go by very fast. My daughters first year was a blur because I spent most of it in mediation, over petty stuff. it had to be done, but I am regretful. in hindsite, there are alot of things I would have done differently, including jumping right into a new relationship. (I can say that because the 'new" relationship and I just celebrated 5 years of marriage,)

Themost important thing to concentrate while stuck in the mediation process is the baby, and how to get a fair agreement, not anything else. if it is meant to be it can wait a little bit till those permanant papers get signed.

eventually given time there is no reason, if things have been going well to invite your ex to meet your boyfriend over coffee, either.

The papers have already been signed. Mediation was finished last year so holidays are decided. At least for the next few years. He does not have any overnight visits because of his absence in her life last year. The mediator said that will probably occur when she turns three or so. Also, there will be no overnights w/myself and the boyfriend until a much later time. I live at my parents currently b/c her father doesn't want to pay child support and I am trying to save up my money so I can fully support my daughter. He doesn't have to pay because he is "disabled".
Congradulations on your anniversary!

 

[rpowers2380]

You know, everybody usually hollers at the CP for bringing the child around the "new" boyfriend and bringing men in and out of the childs life. But you never hear anybody say anything when its the reverse side of the story.

You are using your brain, and it sounds like you are putting your child first. Great job mom!

Thank you! I really appreciate the compliment, I very rarely get any compliments on how I raise my daughter. The only person I ever hear anything from is her father, and that is how he disagrees with stupid stuff. All the way down to the type of shampoo I use in her hair. So again, thank you so much!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

I also want to say I applaud you for not just bringing the child into your new relationship. It is very mature of you to realize that the child should not be involved unless you are getting serious. I am a step-mom to a five year old and have been in her life since she was 2 1/2 I am the only relationship Dad had after the divorce but mom has had at least three live in boyfriends over the last 3 years and dated numerous others that the child would have brought into her life and get to know them then they would be sent away. It has made her trust in men outside her immediate family very difficult to the point where she is afraid of most men. So kudos to you. As long as this man you are dating is not dangerous to you or the child the bio dad has no say.

 

[rpowers2380]

I also want to say I applaud you for not just bringing the child into your new relationship. It is very mature of you to realize that the child should not be involved unless you are getting serious. I am a step-mom to a five year old and have been in her life since she was 2 1/2 I am the only relationship Dad had after the divorce but mom has had at least three live in boyfriends over the last 3 years and dated numerous others that the child would have brought into her life and get to know them then they would be sent away. It has made her trust in men outside her immediate family very difficult to the point where she is afraid of most men. So kudos to you. As long as this man you are dating is not dangerous to you or the child the bio dad has no say.

This is good news! This guy is definately not dangerous to either of us. He is a good guy!

 

[MinCA]

"You know, everybody usually hollers at the CP for bringing the child around the "new" boyfriend and bringing men in and out of the childs life. But you never hear anybody say anything when its the reverse side of the story."

This phrase makes the point. The assumption that the CP is the mother. You could have said that everyone yells at the mother, but you said CP as if the mother is meant to always be CP. How sexist.

The father is rarely the CP, and this is why there's no stink over the father bringing in different women. When he does get to see his children, thouse few blessed days a month, assuming he gets to see them, he wants to spend time with them, not a woman.

When a CP gets to see thie children all the time, of course that parent is more lax about spending time with the children or a new partner. The CP knows the children will be there tomorrow to play with. The NCP doesn't get much time, and most of the time this isn't because the NCP isn't fit or just as good, or better, parent.

 

[stealth2]

The father is rarely the CP, and this is why there's no stink over the father bringing in different women. When he does get to see his children, thouse few blessed days a month, assuming he gets to see them, he wants to spend time with them, not a woman.

Untrue. I know many custodial fathers - with children of all ages and both genders. I also know many noncustodial fathers who are unable to spend any amount of one-on-one time with their children w/o a woman around.

 

[casa]

"You know, everybody usually hollers at the CP for bringing the child around the "new" boyfriend and bringing men in and out of the childs life. But you never hear anybody say anything when its the reverse side of the story."

This phrase makes the point. The assumption that the CP is the mother. You could have said that everyone yells at the mother, but you said CP as if the mother is meant to always be CP. How sexist.

The father is rarely the CP, and this is why there's no stink over the father bringing in different women. When he does get to see his children, thouse few blessed days a month, assuming he gets to see them, he wants to spend time with them, not a woman.

When a CP gets to see thie children all the time, of course that parent is more lax about spending time with the children or a new partner. The CP knows the children will be there tomorrow to play with. The NCP doesn't get much time, and most of the time this isn't because the NCP isn't fit or just as good, or better, parent.

I also know many fathers with physical custody or joint physical custody~ And many states have a joint custody presumption.

Your bias isn't going to help encourage any children you advocate for By finding out about fathers who do have custody- you only augment your ability to positively advocate. Making sweeping, negative statements only transmits as being hopeless and helpless.

 

[Ambr]

"You know, everybody usually hollers at the CP for bringing the child around the "new" boyfriend and bringing men in and out of the childs life. But you never hear anybody say anything when its the reverse side of the story."

This phrase makes the point. The assumption that the CP is the mother. You could have said that everyone yells at the mother, but you said CP as if the mother is meant to always be CP. How sexist.

Oh no you didn't.......

I said CP --- because in most cases, the CP IS the one that gets hollered at for bringing "new" relationships in front of the kids. Let's face it, the CP is the one that the kids are around the most. If the NCP get a new relationship going, the kids wouldn't be around that new relationship that often.

This phrase was designed for the posters specific information......the POSTER is the CP in this scenario. It just so happens (in this case), that the poster happens to be female.

 

[casa]

Oh no you didn't.......

I said CP --- because in most cases, the CP IS the one that gets hollered at for bringing "new" relationships in front of the kids. Let's face it, the CP is the one that the kids are around the most. If the NCP get a new relationship going, the kids wouldn't be around that new relationship that often.

This phrase was designed for the posters specific information......the POSTER is the CP in this scenario. It just so happens (in this case), that the poster happens to be female.

MinCA has a chip on their shoulder the size of a boulder