Can I adopt a non-related CPS child?

[TatumEstes]

I'm in Texas.

I worked with a girl who had temporary custody of her niece, Celeste. We got together regularly so that Celeste and my daughter, Shyloh, could play together. My co-worker ended up stabbing her boyfriend out of self-defense and was arrested. I called CPS and asked if I could take Celeste because I knew that she could not go back to her mom. My fiance and I probably would not have been given custody had it not been for Joe's sister who also works at CPS.

It took them 10 weeks to come out and do the home-study.

A friend had spent the night because he had a few beers and did not want to drive home. He got punched by some guy at a bar a few nights prior and had a black eye. When the lady asked what happened, he explained that he had been at a bar and a guy tried to start a fight, my friend said something smart to him and the guy punched him, but my friend walked away.

She asked how often Joe and I drank and we explained that we have Friday Night Poker games (since we have 2 kids now, we can't afford to go out, so we have our friends over here) where we have a few beers, but that's it.

A month after the study was done, they decided that we failed the home-study, but we could keep Celeste if we stopped the poker games and told our friend not to come around. The person that was supposed to deliver the contract showed up at our house, unannounced, and saw a recycle bin full of beer cans, got a bad feeling, and left without even talking to us. We did not know about any of this until Monday.

CPS called on Monday to say we failed the home-study because of our friend's black eye and the poker games and that they were removing Celeste on Wednesday (today) and that there was nothing we could do about it.

In the 4 months that we've had Celeste, I've gotten pretty close to Celeste's mom and grandma (I worked with the aunt). Neither will be able to get custody of her and they both want us to adopt her. They've told this to CPS and to her lawyer, but they still say there's nothing we can do.

Is there anything we can do? We want to adopt her.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

While your intent might be good, your grasp on reality and the pragmatics of a home study leave much to be desired. Apparently you didn't take to heart CPS's admonition to stop the Poker games and drinking beer, all which may lead to violence, violence is what put Celeste in your home. You may have excuses for everything, but excuses are not what is needed, a safe and secure environment is needed.

 

[TatumEstes]

You misunderstood the timeline

Monday was the 1st we heard of any of this. Apparently, this person came to talk to us, saw the recycle bin and left. THEN we got called and told we failed and there was nothing we could do about it. We would give up the poker games and give up alcohol in the house altogether if that's what needs to be done. We've offered that, but they said it was too late. We weren't given the chance to fix the problem, which we didn't know was a problem.

Since Celeste has been with us, she's learned to write most of the alphabet and several numbers, to swim, to play basic piano, and goes to church weekly. Other than poker games, which has been our only social life in the last year, I consider our family similar to The Beavers.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The timeline doesn't matter, that's the point that you don't get the point. You shouldn't need to be told to stop those activities or should have the good sense to store your recycleables so as to not create a problem, crush the cans and put them in a closed container. You should know that they can show up at any time, unannounced and inspect the home, so that would include those in your home and the various activities, needless to say they won't allow you to adopt either. There are many qualified families waiting to adopt children who don't have to be told to get their act in order. If you attend Church regularily, perhaps that might be a better social outlet than poker.

 

[LdiJ]

The timeline doesn't matter, that's the point that you don't get the point. You shouldn't need to be told to stop those activities or should have the good sense to store your recycleables so as to not create a problem, crush the cans and put them in a closed container. You should know that they can show up at any time, unannounced and inspect the home, so that would include those in your home and the various activities, needless to say they won't allow you to adopt either. There are many qualified families waiting to adopt children who don't have to be told to get their act in order. If you attend Church regularily, perhaps that might be a better social outlet than poker.

There is nothing wrong with having a weekly poker game and drinking a few beers. However, its absolutely correct that appearance is everything in one of these cases, and you first blew it when your friend spent the night at your home and was present with obvious injuries from a bar fight.

Then, when you didn't not exercise some discretion with your "empties" you compounded the problem.

I doubt there is anything at all that can be done at this point. However you could consult an attorney to be sure.

 

[TatumEstes]

Where else should I put them?

As far as I know, the best place for aluminum and plastic trash, including beer or soda cans, is in a recycling bin next to the trash can. I guess I could keep them inside so the kids have easy access to them! I'll just let them play in trash and cut their hands on open cans so that I can be a closet beer drinker! That's a great idea.

And next time one of my friends has had a few beers, but has a black eye, I'll tell him to drive home for fear of what someone might think.


To rmet4nzkx - I came here for help, not to be insulted.
If playing cards with your friends is so bad, why do they make games like Go Fish and Old Maid for children? Poker is just a more logical card game. I'm 22 and my fiance is 25, the majority of our friends still frequent bars and have keg parties. We don't do that stuff anymore because we need to be responsible. I've been being responsible for 3 years since my daughter was born. Instead, we invite our friends over to play cards. Its not a drinking game. We have friends bring their kids over to play. If we were playing Bridge, no one would complain, right? So we're irresponsible kids who have no grasp on reality because we both work full-time, I go to school full-time, go to church regularly and drink 2-3 beers one night a week while playing poker instead of Bridge?

And a little tidbit about Celeste and all those "qualified families who don't have to be told to get their act together," Celeste is a five year old with a family history of violence, severe mental illnesses (including bipolar disorder and schizophrenia) and has been repeatedly sexually abused. How many "qualified families" who have their pick of the litter would want to adopt her? She's going to remain in the foster system until she's 18...and probably turn into her mother and aunt.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Your post continues to show your lack of maturity.
Yes, when your friends are in a barroom brawl, they should go to their home, not hang out around you and the children in your care, especially a child with Celeste's history.

It's not the Poker per se it's what goes with the Poker as opposed to what goes with other games. Having friends over is one thing, but these friends apparently by your own admission are still immature.

There are plenty of qualified adoptive parents waiting to adopt even with Celeste's history. In fact if there is such a history of mental illness as you mentioned, the environment is very important as are the role models.

I have recycled for longer than you and your finance have been alive, I crush my cans and they are put in a covered container so they are out of reach of ants and children. I take a bag along on my daily walks and pick up discarded cans of all sorts. I have been a foster parent and passed every home inspection, my cans have never been a question.

If the state is planning on terminating Celeste's mother's parental rights, the sooner she is placed for adoption the better.

 

[stealth2]

There's also a huge difference between a few beer cans in the recycling bin, and a "recycle bin full of beer cans".

 

[TatumEstes]

Twisting Words

I really appreciate the way you twist my words around. I guess you're right. Someone who doesn't know anything about us other than the fact that we like to play poker and drink a couple beers once a week.

Just to make a point, her CPS Casworker and Supervisor, and her lawyer said that they felt that we a great environment for her, but that protocol is protocol. CPS said they had to follow the rules. Her lawyer said he could request an emergency hearing from the judge and ask her to overrule CPS's judgement, but that he is afraid the aunt is going to crack again and do something to harm our family or property and he doesn't want to put Celeste or us in that danger. He said he felt it would be best that Celeste have a clean break and start over ONLY because he's afraid of her aunt, not because of anything we have done.

So if 2 CPS supervisors, a CPS caseworker, her lawyer, her dentist, her counselor, her pediatrician, and the director of her daycare (all professionals with objective opinions) think we're doing a good job, then maybe...just maybe...I'm not so immature after all. Not to mention the priest, deacon, religious education director, the 30 people that I went through 9 months (3 months with Celeste) of bible study / confirmation classes with at church... and my parents and Joe's parents (who are both devouted Catholics, his dad is studying to be a deacon himself) that all think we're doing a wonderful job.



There was no "barroom brawl," someone punched him and he WALKED AWAY. I've said that repeatedly. Just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time doesn't make him a bad person or mean that he's a danger to children. He has 2 kids of his own and he's a wonderful father, wonderful friend, and wonderful with my daughter and with Celeste. Only a few people I know have EVER been in a fight, all of which were years ago when they were kids.

Just because someone chooses to go to parties or bars doesn't make them dangerous, childish or immature. We went to high school with all the people we play poker with, even middle school with some of them. They're old, old friends who we grew up with. Every single person loves both those kids like they're their own. We don't swear around them, we don't talk about adult subjects around them, there's no drug use, we drink a few beers. And yes, when you have 8-12 people drinking 2-4 beers, you are going to have a recycling bin (1ft x 1ft x 2ft) "full" of beer cans.

And, like I said, we offered to stop the games and even to not have alcohol in the house at all.

As for role models, you can't say that we're bad role models because we like to play poker. When we got Celeste, she talked about looking sexy and making her hair pretty for the boys. She wanted to listen to hip hop and r&b and wear provacative clothing. After a month of gently explaining that little girls don't talk about that stuff, introducing her to classical piano music, Disney movies, and CDs like "Bach for Babies," "Sunday Favorites" and "Children's Favorites," and moving her into a Montessori school and teaching her that she's beautiful and strong and that no one should ever look at her like that, talk to her like that, or touch her...she did a complete 180 and turned back into the way a 4/5-year old (she turned 5 with us) should be.

I don't appreciate the assumptions you're making. I've worked very hard the last 3 years to turn my life around and feel that I have done a wonderful job. How many 22-year olds do you know that own their own house, own car, CHOOSE to be active in their church community, CHOOSE to do community service and volunteer work, work full time AND go to school full time while raising 2 kids (1 now), and are willing to take on the responsibility of a child they've only known for a month and a half because they knew she had nowhere else to go? So what if I don't crush my cans? And I live in a nice neighborhood where people don't throw trash on the street that needs to be picked up. So that makes me a bad person? I sure don't think so.