Can I go back?

[Newlydivmomto4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My divorce was final in December of 08. My ex did all the paperwork, filing etc. Every time I was going to go do my part at the courthouse, my ex would say, no, i'm going to go cancel the divorce. We were still living together at the time. It got down to Nov and he went in to "cancel" it, and he actually went into sign the final documents as a noncontested divorce.

He did a fine job screwing himself over as far as he took the car w/ the payment and the court ordered a fair amount of child support. The court did not address his military retirement tho. We were married for 12 years while he was active duty military. Can I go back/Should I go back to court to get part of his retirement?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My divorce was final in December of 08. My ex did all the paperwork, filing etc. Every time I was going to go do my part at the courthouse, my ex would say, no, i'm going to go cancel the divorce. We were still living together at the time. It got down to Nov and he went in to "cancel" it, and he actually went into sign the final documents as a noncontested divorce.

He did a fine job screwing himself over as far as he took the car w/ the payment and the court ordered a fair amount of child support. The court did not address his military retirement tho. We were married for 12 years while he was active duty military. Can I go back/Should I go back to court to get part of his retirement?

You can always try. The problem will be that if you knew about the divorce and chose not to attend the hearings, then you're going to have a hard time changing anything that happened. OTOH, if you were never notified of the hearings, then you would have grounds to have the judgment set aside or modified.

Also, did he sign YOUR name as well as his? If so, that's clear fraud and would be grounds to void the judgment.

Whether you SHOULD do so or not depends on a number of factors. First, calculate the amount of child support via your state guidelines and consider whether you are receiving the correct amount, more, or less. Then consider whether you would be eligible for alimony - which depends on your relative incomes and time of marriage. Finally, you should be entitled to 1/2 of the marital portion of the military retirement (which would be all of it if he was married for his full time in the military).

Balance that against the negatives: First, the cost of going back to court and having a contested divorce. Second, if you have any assets (particularly pensions), he could claim 1/2 of the marital portion of those. If you are the higher income person, YOU could be paying alimony. Finally, he could challenge the custody arrangement you have in place.

Without a ton more details, it would be impossible to even begin to make a recommendation.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Mist,
Thank you for your reply.
A bit more info. The child support is probably a bit more than it should be, since the divorce he has moved to the east coast and has no current plans to see the kids. Of our combined income, he makes 2/3 and I make 1/3, so his is significantly more. Tho after he pays child support of 2100/mo, it goes the other way. I have full physical and legal custody, he put that in the papers himself. As for marital assets, we lived in military housing, had 2 vehicles, one paid for worth 2k and the other one upside down. In the court papers he requested the upside down one, and I got the paid off one which I traded in because it was a gas guzzler and a pickup truck w/ 4 kiddos isn't very conducive. When I moved out, I took the kids things and he yard saled the rest and kept the profits.
I don't want to sound like a money hungry ex. When my ex got hurt 4 yrs ago, I dropped everything and took all 4 kids to go help him while he was in the hospital etc. I don't want to be left hanging in the end. I am now a federal employee, so I am working towards a decent retirement, I guess I just don't want to do the "should've, could've, would've" years down the road.

 

[LdiJ]

You can always try. The problem will be that if you knew about the divorce and chose not to attend the hearings, then you're going to have a hard time changing anything that happened. OTOH, if you were never notified of the hearings, then you would have grounds to have the judgment set aside or modified.

Also, did he sign YOUR name as well as his? If so, that's clear fraud and would be grounds to void the judgment.

Whether you SHOULD do so or not depends on a number of factors. First, calculate the amount of child support via your state guidelines and consider whether you are receiving the correct amount, more, or less. Then consider whether you would be eligible for alimony - which depends on your relative incomes and time of marriage. Finally, you should be entitled to 1/2 of the marital portion of the military retirement (which would be all of it if he was married for his full time in the military).

Balance that against the negatives: First, the cost of going back to court and having a contested divorce. Second, if you have any assets (particularly pensions), he could claim 1/2 of the marital portion of those. If you are the higher income person, YOU could be paying alimony. Finally, he could challenge the custody arrangement you have in place.

Without a ton more details, it would be impossible to even begin to make a recommendation.

I think that the biggest stumbling block is the amount of time that has passed. Its been 8 months. There would have been a better chance of reopening things if the OP had filed within a short time of finding out what was done.

I don't think that people should be able to get away with something like this, because its clearly fraud, but if the person who was defrauded doesn't react in a timely manner, its as if they had aquiesed.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

When the divorce was final I at first felt sorry for him. He had a traumatic brain injury 4 years ago. The main reason the marriage failed is because there were still side effects of the injury that I saw that he refused to acknowledge. As far as I'm concerned, my husband died in the accident, someone else came home in his place. Then 6 wks after the divorce was final he remarried, I was angry/hurt and realized he had been planning this whole thing for about a year. I didn't want to be the vindictive ex wife trying to squeeze every penny out of the ex. So I let it be thinking that I am better off without him and with my kids, which I know is true. People keep telling me that I am entitled to a portion of his retirement etc. which I know I am, but don't know if its worth it. I have my children, they are safe, I am guranteed to get the child support that he owes thanks to the fact that he is still active duty, even when he retires, I will still be able to collect it without huge issues. I think I should just thank my lucky stars that I have happy, healthy, adjusting children and be done with it.

 

[Proserpina]

When the divorce was final I at first felt sorry for him. He had a traumatic brain injury 4 years ago. The main reason the marriage failed is because there were still side effects of the injury that I saw that he refused to acknowledge. As far as I'm concerned, my husband died in the accident, someone else came home in his place. Then 6 wks after the divorce was final he remarried, I was angry/hurt and realized he had been planning this whole thing for about a year. I didn't want to be the vindictive ex wife trying to squeeze every penny out of the ex. So I let it be thinking that I am better off without him and with my kids, which I know is true. People keep telling me that I am entitled to a portion of his retirement etc. which I know I am, but don't know if its worth it. I have my children, they are safe, I am guranteed to get the child support that he owes thanks to the fact that he is still active duty, even when he retires, I will still be able to collect it without huge issues. I think I should just thank my lucky stars that I have happy, healthy, adjusting children and be done with it.

That's just so very, very sad.

 

[LSCAP]

Friends?

"People keep telling me that I am entitled to a portion of his retirement etc"

So, because of "friends" you plan to open a can of worms.

Pride goeth before a fall. These "Friends' aren't. Friends.

Don't listen to your "friends" Just be glad he's too far away to drive you crazy with the kids.

AND everytime you pick up YOUR PAYCHECK smile. It's all yours.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

That's just so very, very sad.

I really want to write a letter to President Obama asking if they ever find my husband in Kuwait to please send him home. What is really sad to me is the effects of TBI have on the service member and the family. Fortunately for the service member, he is taken care of by the military. But for the wife who stayed by his side for 12 years of marriage, the last 3 of which were walking on egg shells because of the mood swings caused by the TBI, there is nothing. No severance, no insurance, no thank you for putting up w/ us, no retirement, nada. I am okay, I can stand on my own 2 feet and comeback, but I can only imagine others who have a more difficult time pulling themselves up by the boot straps so to speak.

 

[Ronin]

Fortunately for the service member, he is taken care of by the military. But for the wife who stayed by his side for 12 years of marriage, the last 3 of which were walking on egg shells because of the mood swings caused by the TBI, there is nothing. No severance, no insurance, no thank you for putting up w/ us, no retirement, nada.

As a former servicemember, I do not believe there is a lack of empathy or caring by the military for the dependents. While it is easier to place the blame on all of your ex’s issues on the TBI, the reality is there is probably much more to what happened than can be blamed on the injury alone.

Unfortunately, you allowed yourself to be put into a position where you may have lost your right to a share of your ex-husbands military benefits. This appears to have been caused by a lack of legal representation. Although it is entirely possible your ex may have conspired to defraud you in the divorce proceedings, once the decree was signed you should have promptly reviewed it, asked questions, and taken whatever legal action was necessary. There is a short window of opportunity after a decree is signed to make changes.

Had the divorce been handled properly, you would almost surely have been awarded a share of you ex’s military benefits, which you rightfully earned. The lifetime value of your proportionate share of that would be pretty substantial. I would not take such a loss sitting down, and would promptly speak to an attorney to determine if there is any recourse left at this point in time.

Review your divorce documents. If there are any signatures with your name that you did not sign then you may have some recourse, although at this point that is not a given. Either way, at least consult with an attorney who can best review your situation and let you know where you now stand.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Sorry to open an old can of worms, but thought I would come back and ask a continuing question. I am having issues w/ my ex paying his half of the childcare so I was just going back over the decree. I realized that hi retirement benefits are not addressed at all in the divorce, nothing regarding that I receive any percentage or that he even gets any benefits. Would that be a possible loophole? I am waiting for a lawyer to call me back, I just thought I would get an idea from the folks on here.

 

[Silverplum]

Sorry to open an old can of worms, but thought I would come back and ask a continuing question. I am having issues w/ my ex paying his half of the childcare so I was just going back over the decree. I realized that hi retirement benefits are not addressed at all in the divorce, nothing regarding that I receive any percentage or that he even gets any benefits. Would that be a possible loophole? I am waiting for a lawyer to call me back, I just thought I would get an idea from the folks on here.

No, not at all.

 

[nextwife]

Sorry to open an old can of worms, but thought I would come back and ask a continuing question. I am having issues w/ my ex paying his half of the childcare so I was just going back over the decree. I realized that hi retirement benefits are not addressed at all in the divorce, nothing regarding that I receive any percentage or that he even gets any benefits. Would that be a possible loophole? I am waiting for a lawyer to call me back, I just thought I would get an idea from the folks on here.

Were any of your retirement benefits addressed?

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Were any of your retirement benefits addressed?

There was nothing addressed, nor even stated from TSP, my whole year as a federal employee that would receive retirement benefits, or his. They were not in any of the financial statements etc.

 

[mistoffolees]

I really want to write a letter to President Obama asking if they ever find my husband in Kuwait to please send him home. What is really sad to me is the effects of TBI have on the service member and the family. Fortunately for the service member, he is taken care of by the military. But for the wife who stayed by his side for 12 years of marriage, the last 3 of which were walking on egg shells because of the mood swings caused by the TBI, there is nothing. No severance, no insurance, no thank you for putting up w/ us, no retirement, nada.

That is not fair to the military. While it has its own problems, the military does more for spouses than any organization I know. If a soldier (sailor, etc) does not support his/her wife/husband, the military steps in and makes them. I don't know of any other organization that does that. The military has a very strong organization for support of spouses. It is inherent in the process that a senior officer's wife (or husband, I guess) has an unwritten responsibility to care for the younger wives.

Being left with no severance, no insurance, and no retirement was your choice - not the military's fault. The military is actually quite generous in its support of ex-spouses, particularly in terms of retirement.