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Can I legally move out of state and leave my kids in the care of their dad?

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Deniseharvey77

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Hello, I currently reside in long beach ca. I have recently separated from my husband and plan to divorce but not yet. I want to move out of state to Arizona and leave my kids in the care of their father so they can finish school. Can I legally move out of state and leave them with their dad and come back for them when school is over without getting in trouble for abandoning my kids? If I can, what can I do to make sure it's legal? someone told me that all I had to do was write up a letter stating what I'm doing, like im moving out of state to get a fresh start with a new job and a place of my own and leaving the kids in their fathers care and will be coming back for them when school is out. And then have their father sign it and me sign it and then have it notorized. They said its a legal and binding document. Is this correct? And is it ok for me to do that?
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Hello, I currently reside in long beach ca. I have recently separated from my husband and plan to divorce but not yet. I want to move out of state to Arizona and leave my kids in the care of their father so they can finish school. Can I legally move out of state and leave them with their dad and come back for them when school is over without getting in trouble for abandoning my kids? If I can, what can I do to make sure it's legal? someone told me that all I had to do was write up a letter stating what I'm doing, like im moving out of state to get a fresh start with a new job and a place of my own and leaving the kids in their fathers care and will be coming back for them when school is out. And then have their father sign it and me sign it and then have it notorized. They said its a legal and binding document. Is this correct? And is it ok for me to do that?
What does Dad say about your plan? Why out of state?
 

justalayman

Senior Member
If you leave them with their father you are not abandoning them as far as the criminal concern goes.

Are you not concerned the father will file for full custody of the children once you leave?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
He says he will not and I can also put that in the letter.
If it were me (and you were my wife), I'd do the letter, wait a few months, then head on down to the courthouse to file for divorce and custody. As the primary caretaker, I'd likely prevail, not to mention that it's going to be a big burden on you to fight it from out of state.
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
There are no guarantees that dad will not change his mind later on. If you leave the state, have minimal contact with the children, and he decides he doesn't want to get hit for alimony and child support later on, he can file for primary custody and will have a distinct advantage.

It's your call to make, but, while things may be all happy and good right now, that may change when/if he has to start paying you alimony while you live in AZ and considers the prospect of long distance visits and the added element of child support as well.

Oh, and the kids may very well see this as mom abandoning them. I moved out of county for a job four months before my family could join me. One of my sons was told by other kids (in preschool) that when daddies leave they never come back and this destroyed him! I had to take a lot of time off (even for no pay) those first few months to constantly return 600+ miles to make him realize I had not abandoned him. So, keep in mind that while you may not LEGALLY be abandoning your kids, THEY may see it very differently.
 
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Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
There are no guarantees that dad will not change his mind later on. If you leave the state, have minimal contact with the children, and he decides he doesn't want to get hit for alimony and child support later on, he can file for primary custody and will have a distinct advantage.

It's your call to make, but, while things may be all happy and good right now, that may change when/if he has to start paying you alimony while you live in AZ and considers the prospect of long distance visits and the added element of child support as well.
Dad may very well be able to request alimony from the OP. Dad could definitely request CS from her.
 

CSO286

Senior Member
He says he will not and I can also put that in the letter.
"Putting it in the letter" is not legally enforceable should Dad choose to file for custody once you are gone.

You leaving the state and leaving the children in the care of thier father says to the court that you have problem at all with Dad being the primary custodian of the children. And with that being the case, then if Dad has had primary custody until the end of the school year (which is more than 6 months from now), then there's no reason he can't continue as primary after that--barring a significant change in the children's life (you wanting them with you since school ended would not count as such).
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
Dad may very well be able to request alimony from the OP. Dad could definitely request CS from her.
It all depends on the OP's financial status and the agreement they make. But, absent a court order, things can change. What is mutually agreeable today may be unacceptable tomorrow ... if I had a nickel for every time I have seen these agreements explode!
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
It all depends on the OP's financial status and the agreement they make. But, absent a court order, things can change. What is mutually agreeable today may be unacceptable tomorrow ... if I had a nickel for every time I have seen these agreements explode!
Any agreement they make would be unenforceable with regard to child support and custody. It may carry some weight for alimony, but that hurdle could be overcome in court.
 

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