Can I lose custody?

[starting over]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Kentucky

Im sorry this is so long. I am the CP of 13 yo & 6 yo boys, my ex & I share legal. May 04, my ex & I split up & I moved the children & I from Maryland to Kentucky. This was an agreement between my ex & I since my son was starting to get into trouble where we used to live.

When the boys' & I moved here, I put my oldest in counseling. I did this to help him deal with his parents splitting up & also to help him adjust to the move & new surroundings not to mention he is diagnosed ADHD/Depressive (give him someone that he could feel comfortable voicing to, if he wasn't comfortable talking to me). For a while, he had quite the attitude. During this time, I found out that he was experimenting with drugs. I notified his therapist & he was also working with him about this issue.

Sept 04, I had to rush him to the ER, he had taken some prescription medication & was lethargic. I spoke to his Dad, PCP & his therapist and we all agreed that he would benefit from a intensive outpatient drug therapy program. He completed the program & was doing well in all aspects (attitude improved, homework being done.....had my son back )

Over the last month, his attitude has gotten bad (started high school) & ocassionally he has had blood shot eyes & just doesn't seem to be himself. I suspected that he was using again. I took him to the Dr last week for a stomach virus & had him drug tested while he was there (side note, can someone please explain why a 13 yo has to be notified that he's being tested?) & found out that he tested positive for opiates. He told me that he took some Vicodin that he had gotten from a kid at school. Today, I received a call from the VP, he was "observed taking something" but by the time him & the other 4 children were searched, they were clean. He also informed me that one of the other 4 children's GM had called & notified the school that she had some Hydrocodone stolen 2 weeks ago (hmmm, wonder where they went)

I honestly don't know what to do for my son. At face, he'll tell you whatever you want to hear.....hate to say it, but he's a good liar. He's a good kid & has alot of potential, but headed straight down a path for disaster. Sorry, I know this isn't a support board so on to the legal question.....

I called my ex, he's too busy to talk right now....but will call back. I feel our son needs to go into a inpatient treatment facility, one that deals with dual diagnosis (been on the phone with the ins co today, learning the lingo) I am concerned that my ex will say something like, "just send him here" instead of the hospital route. I know that if my son were to go live with his Dad, he would be in much worse shape. My ex has a fiance & she has 4 of her 5 children living there. My ex works for the Railroad & is gone long hours. My son admitted that he was actually doing these things in Maryland & had also gotten in trouble with the police, which is why my ex wanted us to leave.

If my ex doesn't agree to the inpatient care, can he stop it since he has joint legal? My ex provides the insurance that will be used if we do this. Is this something that he could use to change custody? I'm not a bad Mom, but I don't know what I should do. I don't want to lose my son, not to drugs or physical custody to his Dad. Besides what it will do to me, it will tear his 6 yo brother apart.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

If you have joint legal but are CP you usually have the last say, however in the case of an emergency, you do what is in the best interest of the child. You will have to get approval from the insurance carrier for admission. If he complains remind him that treatment is covered but criminal defense attorneys are not. Do you think STBWife will welcome your son with open arms?

Prognosis: Children with substance abuse problems as profound as this by age 13 are going to be difficult to break the cycle even with inpatient therapy. Expect more than ADHD as a diagnosis, also expect ODD.

 

[starting over]

If you have joint legal but are CP you usually have the last say, however in the case of an emergency, you do what is in the best interest of the child. You will have to get approval from the insurance carrier for admission. If he complains remind him that treatment is covered but criminal defense attorneys are not. Do you think STBWife will welcome your son with open arms?

Prognosis: Children with substance abuse problems as profound as this by age 13 are going to be difficult to break the cycle even with inpatient therapy. Expect more than ADHD as a diagnosis, also expect ODD.

When I took him to the ER, it was an emergency & my ex didn't question it at all. I did speak with the insurance carrier today, the children have separate mental health insurance, they gave me 2 different facilities that provide dual diagnosis care for adolescents. I have to take him to be evaluated, then they have to call to get a pre-cert. Depending on the evaluation, is the care that he would be entitled to.

No, I don't think STBWife will welcome my son with open arms. She struggles when the boys fly up there every 3 months. Im just scared, confused & want to do what's right for him.....not really having a clue what that is.

Thanks for the reminder on the Defense Attorney......that will hit home with him

 

[rmet4nzkx]

When I took him to the ER, it was an emergency & my ex didn't question it at all. I did speak with the insurance carrier today, the children have separate mental health insurance, they gave me 2 different facilities that provide dual diagnosis care for adolescents. I have to take him to be evaluated, then they have to call to get a pre-cert. Depending on the evaluation, is the care that he would be entitled to.

No, I don't think STBWife will welcome my son with open arms. She struggles when the boys fly up there every 3 months. Im just scared, confused & want to do what's right for him.....not really having a clue what that is.

Thanks for the reminder on the Defense Attorney......that will hit home with him

Sorry to tell it like it is, but it is difficult, hopefully the 6 yo won't follow in his foot steps. I have seen children from the same family, the oldest the golden son go bad and the troubled younger son redeem himself, I have seen things I won't relate, something has to be done, your ex is just feeling guilty. Good luck. I would reccommend the Marines, but your son is not likely to qualify, they can make a difference, boot camps for troubled youth are not usually covered by insurance. However if he can get through the inpatient and keep his nose clean until he is 16 he might qualify for a program like this which could build his self confidence. Kentucky Bluegrass ChalleNGe Academy.
http://www.ngycp.org/state/ky/aboutus.php

 

[starting over]

Sorry to tell it like it is, but it is difficult, hopefully the 6 yo won't follow in his foot steps. I have seen children from the same family, the oldest the golden son go bad and the troubled younger son redeem himself, I have seen things I won't relate, something has to be done, your ex is just feeling guilty. Good luck. I would reccommend the Marines, but your son is not likely to qualify, they can make a difference, boot camps for troubled youth are not usually covered by insurance. However if he can get through the inpatient and keep his nose clean until he is 16 he might qualify for a program like this which could build his self confidence. Kentucky Bluegrass ChalleNGe Academy.
http://www.ngycp.org/state/ky/aboutus.php

rmet,

You kind of just described my children. My oldest was great up until he was about 11, that's when he started changing. I was stupid, I blamed puberty on most of the stuff. My 6 yo is wilder than a buck, he is like my older son in so many ways..... scary given my present day situation.

I have a brother that is involved with law enforcement, he is checking to see if he can come up with any other ideas to get him back on track. You know, if I thought for a minute that it would help him to send him to his Dad's, he'd be on the next plane. But I know my ex, he would put the responsibility of our son on his future Mrs.& he would not get the help that he needs so desperately. It's not that he doesn't care, he just wouldn't take initiative or follow-through with appointments. He told me last year that I could send him there that "she" would never let him get away with stuff.

The oldest has expressed that he feels like an outsider there, but goes just so he can see Dad & the rest of the family. It's something that he can handle every couple months, but I believe that he'd really become rebellious if it were permanant (scary thought given what he's already doing)

Thanks for the website, I had researched boot camps last year when this started. I seems that they only have them for kids that are "in the system" & it is court ordered,but not really anything to try to stop them before they get that far.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

rmet,

You kind of just described my children. My oldest was great up until he was about 11, that's when he started changing. I was stupid, I blamed puberty on most of the stuff. My 6 yo is wilder than a buck, he is like my older son in so many ways..... scary given my present day situation.

I have a brother that is involved with law enforcement, he is checking to see if he can come up with any other ideas to get him back on track. You know, if I thought for a minute that it would help him to send him to his Dad's, he'd be on the next plane. But I know my ex, he would put the responsibility of our son on his future Mrs.& he would not get the help that he needs so desperately. It's not that he doesn't care, he just wouldn't take initiative or follow-through with appointments. He told me last year that I could send him there that "she" would never let him get away with stuff.

The oldest has expressed that he feels like an outsider there, but goes just so he can see Dad & the rest of the family. It's something that he can handle every couple months, but I believe that he'd really become rebellious if it were permanant (scary thought given what he's already doing)

Thanks for the website, I had researched boot camps last year when this started. I seems that they only have them for kids that are "in the system" & it is court ordered,but not really anything to try to stop them before they get that far.

Well that one targets AT risk as opposed to in the system and they have to be clean and sober, no felonies to get in and some competition which could be what it takes to capture his imagination.