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Can I obtain a restraining order even though the abuse happened over 6 months ago?

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smita1882

New member
Hi I am resident of MA and was in an extremely abusive and toxic relationship with a man. Even though we broke up in Jan 2018, my woes didn't end there. He coerced me to remain friends and I eventually gave in.

He has been both emotionally and physically abusive with me before and after the break up. He has grabbed my neck, only to be later restrained bu his flatmate, pushed against the wall, and has charged at me to punch me. Thankfully I was saved by his friend and flatmate. This incident had taken place n 2017. When I tried to break up with him following this incident, he threatened me, broke his phone twice ( pieces of which could have damaged my eyes) and grabbed my hand fro prevent me from leaving the apartment. He has often displayed hot-and-cold behaviour ( suddenly loving to suddenly angry) and has often withheld affection as a means of punishment.

After the break up ( which I came to know happened because he wanted to be with someone else and had cheated on me), we continued to be friends ( on his request) but his abuse didn't end there. I was emotionally abused as I was always anxious and scared what if I make him mad over something. It felt like I was walking on the eggshells and I didn't have the courage to get away from him as I was still in love with him. He assaulted me twice. He hit me with a cabin sized suitcase and I had a huge bruise on my thigh. He threatened to crash his car wile I was present on the passenger seat ( he has driven multiple times under he influence of alcohol and that too recklessly with me inside the car). I had to beg him to turn off the car. These incidents happened in June 2018. I was also slapped by him in May for coming late for dinner as I was hanging out with my friends. I then moved back to my home country to take a break and get away from this toxicity. But we continued communication. In my last two weeks in MA, he suddenly became the sweetest person and made various promises like talking everyday, texting etc etc. But wishing 15 days of me returning back to m home country he was back to being his abusive self. Talking to me as per his convenience. We stopped al communication in September after I confronted his gf how he had cheated on her by living with me. I have now decided to move back to the States and fear that he might get violent and try to take revenge. His alcohol abuse and violent nature frightens me. I went through severe depression and was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of emotional and physical abuse. I cannot go through the same ordeal when I am back, Can I get a restraining order against order? If yes, what evidence do I need to provide as most of the abuses happened in real time and behind closed doors.

A tortured and battered soul
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Hi I am resident of MA and was in an extremely abusive and toxic relationship with a man. Even though we broke up in Jan 2018, my woes didn't end there. He coerced me to remain friends and I eventually gave in.

He has been both emotionally and physically abusive with me before and after the break up. He has grabbed my neck, only to be later restrained bu his flatmate, pushed against the wall, and has charged at me to punch me. Thankfully I was saved by his friend and flatmate. This incident had taken place n 2017. When I tried to break up with him following this incident, he threatened me, broke his phone twice ( pieces of which could have damaged my eyes) and grabbed my hand fro prevent me from leaving the apartment. He has often displayed hot-and-cold behaviour ( suddenly loving to suddenly angry) and has often withheld affection as a means of punishment.

After the break up ( which I came to know happened because he wanted to be with someone else and had cheated on me), we continued to be friends ( on his request) but his abuse didn't end there. I was emotionally abused as I was always anxious and scared what if I make him mad over something. It felt like I was walking on the eggshells and I didn't have the courage to get away from him as I was still in love with him. He assaulted me twice. He hit me with a cabin sized suitcase and I had a huge bruise on my thigh. He threatened to crash his car wile I was present on the passenger seat ( he has driven multiple times under he influence of alcohol and that too recklessly with me inside the car). I had to beg him to turn off the car. These incidents happened in June 2018. I was also slapped by him in May for coming late for dinner as I was hanging out with my friends. I then moved back to my home country to take a break and get away from this toxicity. But we continued communication. In my last two weeks in MA, he suddenly became the sweetest person and made various promises like talking everyday, texting etc etc. But wishing 15 days of me returning back to m home country he was back to being his abusive self. Talking to me as per his convenience. We stopped al communication in September after I confronted his gf how he had cheated on her by living with me. I have now decided to move back to the States and fear that he might get violent and try to take revenge. His alcohol abuse and violent nature frightens me. I went through severe depression and was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of emotional and physical abuse. I cannot go through the same ordeal when I am back, Can I get a restraining order against order? If yes, what evidence do I need to provide as most of the abuses happened in real time and behind closed doors.

A tortured and battered soul
No, its unlikely that you could get a restraining order at this point. However, what you CAN do is stop communicating with him entirely. Do not tell him that you are returning to the states or that you have returned to the states. Move in someplace as far away as you can from him.

The US and even MA are big enough that he doesn't even have to know that you are anyplace but your home country. If you cannot do that, then you shouldn't return to the US at all.
 

Maymee

Junior Member
It's possible but not probable. This isn't legal advice but life advice: I would recommend cutting all contact with him as he is clearly someone with personality disorder issues. If you can't seem to do that, I would strongly advise seeking out a therapist who can help you understand why and then help you work through actually doing so.
 

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