LocalRocket
Member
Portland, Oregon
My ex-husband and I have shared joint custody for 3 years of our kids, ages 6 and 8. Neither of us has a significant other (thank God, for now). We have very different parenting styles, and we have each wanted more custody of our children, but after thorough examinations, the judge found us both fit and ordered an every-other-week with a weekday visit schedule. So far, we've managed to keep our mutual disdain for one another a secret, and have had relatively few complications.
This past summer, my company went through TONS of layoffs, and my position was threatened as well. I was asked to either take 120 days off, or temporarily move to our larger facility 4 hours away where there was more work. After much deliberation and discussion with my ex, we decided that he would take temporary custody from the beginning of the school year until the holidays. This way, the kids wouldn't be uprooted and I could work out of town and stay with a girlfriend from college while I was there. I work in a highly specialized field, and not only could I not afford not to work, there were simply no other positions in my area that I could take without falling behind on my mortgage. We obtained and filed the documents ourselves, as there was no conflict, giving him temporary custody and allowing me visitation every weekend and a nightly phone call.
Needless to say, when I started working out of town, I missed my children unbearably. The first month phone calls and visits went smoothly, but the second month didn't work as well. My ex started to ignore some of my calls and be less communicative about the kids' activities. It felt like he finally felt "at peace" to have the kids more often, and he was treating me like a disruptive intruder. He even told me not to bother coming home one weekend, because he was taking the kids to Disneyland over fall break, and they wouldn't be back in time. I did advise him that this was breaking orders, and I came home anyway as planned, like I always do. It's my HOMEtown, and my girlfriend expects to have her place to herself on the weekends anyhow. I attempted to pick my kids up in good faith and obtained a receipt from a store near dad's house for proof if needed (thinking I was giving him a chance to be bluffing), but they were indeed out of town. I did not file for contempt, because we have such a great record of handling things out of court that I didn't want to escalate the tension if possible.
Last week, I was offered the opportunity to return to work in my hometown before scheduled, and of course I jumped on it. I thought that my ex would be glad that we were returning to the "regular schedule" sooner, but boy was I wrong. He says that we are following the temporary order, and even though I'm back to my normal schedule, that I can only see the kids every other weekend for now. He also said that if I attempt any legal action, he will file for full custody, and likely be awarded because the temporary order has given him "status quo". My intention in giving him the temporary custody in the first place was to secure a safety net while I was out of town, and this is clearly stated in the order. I didn't think it would be used against me to keep me from my children. Our original order included a first right of refusal for both parents, but wasn't included in the temporary order for obvious reasons. Now I am home by 3pm every day, and sitting by helplessly while my kids are in after-school daycare until 6:30pm every night, 3 blocks from my house.
I miss my kids terribly and want life to be back to normal, but I am scared to death that he WILL counter with a battle for full custody and be awarded due to status quo. On the other hand, I now fear that he will do this either way, and if I wait until January 1st, it will just give him even more time to establish status quo.
Are my hands tied in this situation?
My ex-husband and I have shared joint custody for 3 years of our kids, ages 6 and 8. Neither of us has a significant other (thank God, for now). We have very different parenting styles, and we have each wanted more custody of our children, but after thorough examinations, the judge found us both fit and ordered an every-other-week with a weekday visit schedule. So far, we've managed to keep our mutual disdain for one another a secret, and have had relatively few complications.
This past summer, my company went through TONS of layoffs, and my position was threatened as well. I was asked to either take 120 days off, or temporarily move to our larger facility 4 hours away where there was more work. After much deliberation and discussion with my ex, we decided that he would take temporary custody from the beginning of the school year until the holidays. This way, the kids wouldn't be uprooted and I could work out of town and stay with a girlfriend from college while I was there. I work in a highly specialized field, and not only could I not afford not to work, there were simply no other positions in my area that I could take without falling behind on my mortgage. We obtained and filed the documents ourselves, as there was no conflict, giving him temporary custody and allowing me visitation every weekend and a nightly phone call.
Needless to say, when I started working out of town, I missed my children unbearably. The first month phone calls and visits went smoothly, but the second month didn't work as well. My ex started to ignore some of my calls and be less communicative about the kids' activities. It felt like he finally felt "at peace" to have the kids more often, and he was treating me like a disruptive intruder. He even told me not to bother coming home one weekend, because he was taking the kids to Disneyland over fall break, and they wouldn't be back in time. I did advise him that this was breaking orders, and I came home anyway as planned, like I always do. It's my HOMEtown, and my girlfriend expects to have her place to herself on the weekends anyhow. I attempted to pick my kids up in good faith and obtained a receipt from a store near dad's house for proof if needed (thinking I was giving him a chance to be bluffing), but they were indeed out of town. I did not file for contempt, because we have such a great record of handling things out of court that I didn't want to escalate the tension if possible.
Last week, I was offered the opportunity to return to work in my hometown before scheduled, and of course I jumped on it. I thought that my ex would be glad that we were returning to the "regular schedule" sooner, but boy was I wrong. He says that we are following the temporary order, and even though I'm back to my normal schedule, that I can only see the kids every other weekend for now. He also said that if I attempt any legal action, he will file for full custody, and likely be awarded because the temporary order has given him "status quo". My intention in giving him the temporary custody in the first place was to secure a safety net while I was out of town, and this is clearly stated in the order. I didn't think it would be used against me to keep me from my children. Our original order included a first right of refusal for both parents, but wasn't included in the temporary order for obvious reasons. Now I am home by 3pm every day, and sitting by helplessly while my kids are in after-school daycare until 6:30pm every night, 3 blocks from my house.
I miss my kids terribly and want life to be back to normal, but I am scared to death that he WILL counter with a battle for full custody and be awarded due to status quo. On the other hand, I now fear that he will do this either way, and if I wait until January 1st, it will just give him even more time to establish status quo.
Are my hands tied in this situation?
