RyanLiu_99
Member
In California.
My wife and I don’t get along well. 17 days ago, on 6/6, she took our son and went to live in her brother’s house, which is 50 miles away. But address is unknown. She said only 1-2 days to cool down.
But my son only came back on Father's day briefly.
Now she rent an apartment, change son’s school (haven’t told me which school) without letting me know or agree. She don’t me to move into new apartment (for at least another 2 months). And most time she does not answer the phone or response to email. I cannot see nor hear my 4 year old son.
Can she do that? How can I protect my right? I want to see my son, who is very close to me even was away from me for most time before because of her family.
Do I have to pay her new apartment, just because she is not working?
in California, if we divorce, what are the chance we share the child or son lives with Father?
Even son does not live with son, can still be joint-custody?
Thanks!
RL
=====================================
Full story, long!
=====================================
We don't get along well.
We have 2 cars, 5:00AM, she took my car’s key to look for her cellular phone in my car(which is strange, since she indeed hadn’t get into my car for months). Soon she found her phone else where, she said put my key on the desk, but I never see it until now.
Then her took her car’s spare key and hide it, and I ask her to take out, she won't. She said she wanted to make sure tomorrow morning she can drive her car to send kid to pre-school, make sure I have no chance to drive it away. I agreed she drop me at work first, then send kid to school. But I want the spare key be put back where it was. She refused.
Then seems to me, she took both cars all 3 keys.
After asked her, waited her again and again, then at night, I try to open her baggage to find the keys , she called police. There was no violence. So police said they could not force me out, but asked me to voluntarily spend night out. I did.
Next morning, I came back, try to send kid to school first. But she and kid are still on bed. Then it would be too later for school. Then I don’t know what she was defending last night.
Next night, her brother and her mother come over, took her and my son away, said separate us for 1 or 2 days to cool things down. That was 6/6. They live 50 miles away.
On 6/8, she and her brother come over again at night, talk about divorce with me. For the kid, I suggest we see psychologist or marriage expert first. She refused. She is very very suspicious, not only suspicious about relationship, about everything， seems she thinks she is surrounded by conspiracy. She divorced once, I know nothing about it.
She wanted kid with her, I want half time with me, half time with her. We didn’t come to a agreement and it was very late, they drove back.
Then I lost contact with her. Not answering the phone, not responding to email or voice mail. This is one thing about her I don’t like -- cut off communication. I told her about that, and she did many times.
My kid is 4 and half, mos time is not with me. For her family reason, she took him overseas most of time. And while she was oversea, it is very difficult to reach her. She would not answer the phone, not response to email for weeks, even we were not at fight. Even I sacrifice my time with my only son for her family.
Now finally her family matter is over. She took son away from me again. For 10+ days, I cannot reach/hear my son. She can take son to anywhere, overseas, for months, a year, but she won’t even allow me to take son out for a walk.
6/16, she and her brother came over again, then time we agreed to give our relationship another try. Our current apartment lease is due 2 month later. She wants to rent next apartment earlier, so she can move in. I don’t like the idea, because that mean I need pay 2 apartments (she does not work for years; even she worked before, I never saw her income), and at this moment, I am tight at money. (mainly because of her, she took internationally flights a lot for her family)
But she and her brother persuaded me, so I agreed. And her brother also suggested we write to each other about what you want the counterpart to improve. We agreed and also agreed make it first thing. I especially told her I don’t like her none-responsive and to take action without notify me first. We were thinking about move to new apartment long time ago, before fight. I always made clear I continue want 2 bed room apartment, and told her why.
Father’s day, my son finally come over. My son is also very attached to me . We went out looking for new 2 bed room apartment. Didn’t find a good one in 3 hours. I wanted she and son come back while looking for new apartment, since it is much closer. Her brother’s house is 50 miles away. And son wants to stay home, stay together. She refused.
She plan to go to school to take some class, so she can go back to work market. She want rent an apartment near her school, which is close to my office also. A very expensive area.
Before fight, we were looking for apartment near son’s preschool, far away from my office.
So I see the priority is: herself , son, me. My another feeling about her, is very self-centric.
To reserve cash to rent new apartment, I suggested we both pay minimal to credit cards.
But she changed son’s preschool. She took $1000 pay her credit card, and she rent an one bed room apartment, all of these, without notifying me first
Even lied to me, said she hadn’t rent apartment, but I saw her paid $200 deposit on it one day earlier on her credit card.
And she said she would upgrade apartment 2 months later. And does not allow me to move into the new apartment. But want me pay for it. If I don’t pay, she threatened hire a lawyer.
In the letter of “improvement area requirement “ she wrote to me, she said “we shall forget past, positively looking forward, care each other ...” But she does not want to come home.
And what she has done, right at the moment we try to fix relationship, is opposite to what I specifically asked her to improve: communication, full-fill the responsibility of notifying spouse.
I don’t understand her. Maybe women are different.
My questions are:
Can she took son away from me before divorce? Now I cannot see, cannot talk to my son. I know nothing abut his new school, she won’t tell me. Don’t know where he is. very weird, She never disclose her brother's address.
Do you guys think there is hope in this relationship?
Since she does not work, do I have to pay all her expenses, even the item I don’t agree, like “her” apartment. She is also an adult, won’t be financially responsible just she is not working?
Why does she insist not to come home? It is closer to son’s school. Even if she need cool down, it has been 18 days.
Why she does not allow me to move to new apartment? That means for 2 more month I can not live with my son.
She called it a “test” life. “Test” if our marriage can continue. I tell him she is testing the life after divorce. If really wants to test, we should live together. What is real reason in her mind?
If divorce in California, what are the chance to share the child or child live with Dad. I never want son to grow up without mom, but I also don’t son without me. Son is very close to me even most time is not with me.
Any other advise and insights will also be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
My wife and I don’t get along well. 17 days ago, on 6/6, she took our son and went to live in her brother’s house, which is 50 miles away. But address is unknown. She said only 1-2 days to cool down.
But my son only came back on Father's day briefly.
Now she rent an apartment, change son’s school (haven’t told me which school) without letting me know or agree. She don’t me to move into new apartment (for at least another 2 months). And most time she does not answer the phone or response to email. I cannot see nor hear my 4 year old son.
Can she do that? How can I protect my right? I want to see my son, who is very close to me even was away from me for most time before because of her family.
Do I have to pay her new apartment, just because she is not working?
in California, if we divorce, what are the chance we share the child or son lives with Father?
Even son does not live with son, can still be joint-custody?
Thanks!
RL
=====================================
Full story, long!
=====================================
We don't get along well.
We have 2 cars, 5:00AM, she took my car’s key to look for her cellular phone in my car(which is strange, since she indeed hadn’t get into my car for months). Soon she found her phone else where, she said put my key on the desk, but I never see it until now.
Then her took her car’s spare key and hide it, and I ask her to take out, she won't. She said she wanted to make sure tomorrow morning she can drive her car to send kid to pre-school, make sure I have no chance to drive it away. I agreed she drop me at work first, then send kid to school. But I want the spare key be put back where it was. She refused.
Then seems to me, she took both cars all 3 keys.
After asked her, waited her again and again, then at night, I try to open her baggage to find the keys , she called police. There was no violence. So police said they could not force me out, but asked me to voluntarily spend night out. I did.
Next morning, I came back, try to send kid to school first. But she and kid are still on bed. Then it would be too later for school. Then I don’t know what she was defending last night.
Next night, her brother and her mother come over, took her and my son away, said separate us for 1 or 2 days to cool things down. That was 6/6. They live 50 miles away.
On 6/8, she and her brother come over again at night, talk about divorce with me. For the kid, I suggest we see psychologist or marriage expert first. She refused. She is very very suspicious, not only suspicious about relationship, about everything， seems she thinks she is surrounded by conspiracy. She divorced once, I know nothing about it.
She wanted kid with her, I want half time with me, half time with her. We didn’t come to a agreement and it was very late, they drove back.
Then I lost contact with her. Not answering the phone, not responding to email or voice mail. This is one thing about her I don’t like -- cut off communication. I told her about that, and she did many times.
My kid is 4 and half, mos time is not with me. For her family reason, she took him overseas most of time. And while she was oversea, it is very difficult to reach her. She would not answer the phone, not response to email for weeks, even we were not at fight. Even I sacrifice my time with my only son for her family.
Now finally her family matter is over. She took son away from me again. For 10+ days, I cannot reach/hear my son. She can take son to anywhere, overseas, for months, a year, but she won’t even allow me to take son out for a walk.
6/16, she and her brother came over again, then time we agreed to give our relationship another try. Our current apartment lease is due 2 month later. She wants to rent next apartment earlier, so she can move in. I don’t like the idea, because that mean I need pay 2 apartments (she does not work for years; even she worked before, I never saw her income), and at this moment, I am tight at money. (mainly because of her, she took internationally flights a lot for her family)
But she and her brother persuaded me, so I agreed. And her brother also suggested we write to each other about what you want the counterpart to improve. We agreed and also agreed make it first thing. I especially told her I don’t like her none-responsive and to take action without notify me first. We were thinking about move to new apartment long time ago, before fight. I always made clear I continue want 2 bed room apartment, and told her why.
Father’s day, my son finally come over. My son is also very attached to me . We went out looking for new 2 bed room apartment. Didn’t find a good one in 3 hours. I wanted she and son come back while looking for new apartment, since it is much closer. Her brother’s house is 50 miles away. And son wants to stay home, stay together. She refused.
She plan to go to school to take some class, so she can go back to work market. She want rent an apartment near her school, which is close to my office also. A very expensive area.
Before fight, we were looking for apartment near son’s preschool, far away from my office.
So I see the priority is: herself , son, me. My another feeling about her, is very self-centric.
To reserve cash to rent new apartment, I suggested we both pay minimal to credit cards.
But she changed son’s preschool. She took $1000 pay her credit card, and she rent an one bed room apartment, all of these, without notifying me first
Even lied to me, said she hadn’t rent apartment, but I saw her paid $200 deposit on it one day earlier on her credit card.
And she said she would upgrade apartment 2 months later. And does not allow me to move into the new apartment. But want me pay for it. If I don’t pay, she threatened hire a lawyer.
In the letter of “improvement area requirement “ she wrote to me, she said “we shall forget past, positively looking forward, care each other ...” But she does not want to come home.
And what she has done, right at the moment we try to fix relationship, is opposite to what I specifically asked her to improve: communication, full-fill the responsibility of notifying spouse.
I don’t understand her. Maybe women are different.
My questions are:
Can she took son away from me before divorce? Now I cannot see, cannot talk to my son. I know nothing abut his new school, she won’t tell me. Don’t know where he is. very weird, She never disclose her brother's address.
Do you guys think there is hope in this relationship?
Since she does not work, do I have to pay all her expenses, even the item I don’t agree, like “her” apartment. She is also an adult, won’t be financially responsible just she is not working?
Why does she insist not to come home? It is closer to son’s school. Even if she need cool down, it has been 18 days.
Why she does not allow me to move to new apartment? That means for 2 more month I can not live with my son.
She called it a “test” life. “Test” if our marriage can continue. I tell him she is testing the life after divorce. If really wants to test, we should live together. What is real reason in her mind?
If divorce in California, what are the chance to share the child or child live with Dad. I never want son to grow up without mom, but I also don’t son without me. Son is very close to me even most time is not with me.
Any other advise and insights will also be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
