Can my ex go through my child's phone during his visitation when I pay for it?

[Deezie]

I pay for my three children's cell phones. I am currently in the works of going back to court to gain more custody of my children (currently 50/50 with the twins who are 11 yrs old and 70/30 with the daughter, age 13). The emotional abuse that is received by one of the twins is becoming unbearable. He has expressed that he has become fearful of his father and feels his father might hit him (which he has not to date). So the only safety net he has is the cell phone I provide to call me if this ever happens.

So upon my sons return, he has informed me that they must now keep the cell phones on the counter and are encouraged not to use it unless in his presence. He has also said that their father has demanded that they give him their passwords to the phone. My one son has told me that the next morning when he went into his phone many of the apps were open, even app that he does not use.

As this is a sticky situation with cell phones, is my ex allowed to access my children's phones when they are sleeping and take the phone away when there it is not a disciplinary action?

 

[LdiJ]

I pay for my three children's cell phones. I am currently in the works of going back to court to gain more custody of my children (currently 50/50 with the twins who are 11 yrs old and 70/30 with the daughter, age 13). The emotional abuse that is received by one of the twins is becoming unbearable. He has expressed that he has become fearful of his father and feels his father might hit him (which he has not to date). So the only safety net he has is the cell phone I provide to call me if this ever happens.

So upon my sons return, he has informed me that they must now keep the cell phones on the counter and are encouraged not to use it unless in his presence. He has also said that their father has demanded that they give him their passwords to the phone. My one son has told me that the next morning when he went into his phone many of the apps were open, even app that he does not use.

As this is a sticky situation with cell phones, is my ex allowed to access my children's phones when they are sleeping and take the phone away when there it is not a disciplinary action?

Yes, as their parent, he is entitled to do both. He is even entitled to ban them having cell phones at his house at all, unless a judge orders otherwise. What he cannot do is take them away, keep them, and not return them to the owner (you).

In some circumstances a judge might make orders regarding the children's cell phones, but most of the time it's going to be "dad's house, dad's rules and mom's house, mom's rules".

 

[adjusterjack]

The emotional abuse that is received by one of the twins is becoming unbearable. He has expressed that he has become fearful of his father and feels his father might hit him (which he has not to date).

Have you personally witnessed the "abuse"?

Careful. Your son may be trying to manipulate you.

 

[stealth2]

Have you personally witnessed the "abuse"?

Careful. Your son may be trying to manipulate you.

This was also my immediate reaction. What is the "proof" of Dad's alleged abuse? And what does it consist of?

ETA: What state is the order out of?

 

[Deezie]

As I am the victim of his mental abuse from his gaslighting and in counseling with a clinical diagnosis. My daughter is in therapy as well, hence after the interviews with my daughter pertaining to the BFA, the recommendation of the 70/30 was grant. With the twins there is the 50/50. And from the BFA (when they were 10) the counselor note the difference in their behavior upon the interviews within the BFA.

In addition, after attending the parent/teacher conferences of the twins in school, the teacher has noticed the difference in behavior, demeanor & productivity with each parent. The teacher has suggested that the twins attend counseling.

When trying to deal with mental abuse, I am finding it very difficult to for so to say "proof" within the court system. Again, as a victim of his mental abuse I have had to live with it myself and see it myself. His behavior has been witnessed by family members, friends, in school & in my business in front of my employees towards the children. It is no longer just in the home it is out in public.

My daughter returned yesterday and and talked about her visit with her father. Without going into details on this forum, she has expressed how degrading her father is to her brother and that she is fearful of what he might do to him. We also discussed how I may have to travel for work next week. Her immediate response was asking me to ask a family member or teammates parent to bring her to her club game and not make her have to go with her father because she's afraid of what might happened.

There is a true fear my children have developed of there father. And they all feel unsafe by their father NOT allowing them to use the phone when they want. And fell even more unsafe that there father is now going through their phone and reading their texts to me and/or their friends.

So , with all the above mentioned, I go back to my original question..... If I am paying for the cell phone does he have the right in the state of Idaho to demand their passwords and go through their phone interactions?

 

[stealth2]

So , with all the above mentioned, I go back to my original question..... If I am paying for the cell phone does he have the right in the state of Idaho to demand their passwords and go through their phone interactions?

As LDi replied in post #2, yes, he has the right.

In terms of the mental abuse... The problem is - it's very hard to prove in court. I wouldn't even attempt it fithout a lawyer. And I would ask that a GAL be appointed. In order for any of the other people who have witnessed Dad's behavior, they will have to actually appear in court. And counselors, etc. will require to be paid. Family (especially his) and friends may be reluctant to testify.

Best of luck.