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can tobedad get custody?

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coming from texas. my ex-girlfriend was heavy into party drugs up until one month into the pregnancy. she had wanted and even scheduled
an abortion,which i objected to, but missed the date.she lives with her mom. i've never done an illegal drug in my life, i'm in the marine reserve, i know its fast but i'm soon to be married just before the due date. i have a really good paying job and i always attend church,,what are my chances of winning a custody battle if i tried? are my chances slim to none? what can i do to increase my chances of winning...community service?,etc?thanks.tobedad


Senior Member
you might not like this response, but an outsiders view.

she may have done the drugs in the past, but she stopped them - because of the pregnancy. she was acting in the best interests of the child.

she did them in the past, it could reflect on her a little, but you were around her during the time that she was doing them. what were you doing in that situation as well? it could also reflect badly on you.

she scheduled an abortion but missed the date. some people when they are scared go over all the options. the fact is that she did not go through with it. she could lay it off on being scared of going through this alone. but that she couldn't do it because it was a child. you could never prove that it was just because she missed the date. i can just see where she could push that this was something that she rustled with and that it was something that she couldn't do because it was her baby and she loved it. she could come out looking like a scared, single mother who eventually did what was best for her child.

you don't mention durations or anything. but you are in another relationship and getting married again. you will be married and that beats living in sin in the eyes of the court. but it is a quick relationship. if i were her, i would push that you were doing it solely for the opportunity of being more respectable for a custody hearing.

to be honest, it is rare that a court would take a newborn away from the mom. you would have to prove that she was totally unfit. the only thing you have is that she used drugs in her past. but that is her past. she can show she quit them and she is not going it alone, narc-a-non and counseling. doing everything she can to be a good mom. you would have to prove all of that wrong.

as the child gets older - even at 2 or 3 - your chances at custody are better. but if she is not unfit they are slim. especially if she choses to breast feed the infant. something that you can not do. formulas are good - but breast milk is better. they have studies to prove it.

i can see where she has the advantage (granted, it is unfair) over you - if she can show that she has cleaned up her act and wants to continue with that.

just an option for you - i assume this is your first child and you are new to the baby thing. take a parenting class and be able to show that you are doing everything you can to be a good parent. that you have taken classes on what it is like to raise an infant. you are prepared for the feedings that seem to go on for ever. the crying. the dirty diapers. that you can handle raising an infant by yourself. no, she isn't born with the instincts she needs to do this alone. those are things that you learn as you raise the baby. but you have a heard start into it. and you know what you are asking and what you are getting into.

somethings that i see going against you. you are in the military. is this active? will you be going away on assignments for extended periods. will you be depending on your current girlfriend - future wife - to be the mom and do the raising. you don't want to rely on this as your only resort. you don't want your future wife to be your answer to the role. you want to show you can do it.

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