Cannot afford lawyer for divorce! Help! Live in NJ

[jmv2003]

My husband left our home in Aug 2016 and never came back. He sees our 2 children and helps pay the bills for the house. He lives with his parents. We were working on our marriage up until we got into a fight and he left never to come back. It has been very hard on me and the children. I am putting our 8 year old in therapy. He is in denial that anything is wrong with how we separated and he thinks our children are fine. They are not. Anyway, we were going to file separation agreement with the court about 6 months ago. I got the papers to do it and then he said he was filing for divorce. I begged him not to. We are not financially ready for a divorce. He did it. I was served the papers on my birthday(Aug 14th). I have 35 days to respond. I have no money for a lawyer and the county where I live does not offer legal aid for cases like mine. I have called so many lawyers looking for someone to help me but get nowhere. I am trying to answer the complaint myself but it is so hard! I am confused and stressed. He filed without a lawyer b/c he thinks we can do this through mediation. Not one person agrees with that. We have children and a home, among other things. We also don't agree on most things. I don't even speak to him. I can't stand seeing him. He tells me that I am going to put us in debt because I want to do this with a lawyer. He also tells me that I am selfish b/c I am going to ask for alimony instead of getting a full time job and putting our 3 year old in daycare. I work part time right now. That was our agreement when we were married. He worked more so I could be home with the children.
I would also like to mention that while I am working to get my children in therapy for all of this, he is trying to introduce is new gf to the kids. I asked to respect me and not do that right now. Our children are not ready at all! We were supposed to tell them together that we are probably going to divorce but he took it upon himself a couple months ago to do it behind my back. And just a few months later thinks it is ok to introduce his new gf? Everything he does to me and the kids stresses me out. On top of it, I don't know what to do about answering this divorce complaint! Any advice or information is greatly appreciated!

 

[Zigner]

There's no need to start a second thread about the same matter. Here is the link to your original thread: https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/what-should-i-do-about-divorce-complaint-cannot-afford-lawyer-638017.html

 

[jmv2003]

There's no need to start a second thread about the same matter. Here is the link to your original thread: https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/what-should-i-do-about-divorce-complaint-cannot-afford-lawyer-638017.html

Can I delete my original thread? I did not include enough detail

 

[not2cleverRed]

There's no need to start a second thread about the same matter. Here is the link to your original thread: https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/what-should-i-do-about-divorce-complaint-cannot-afford-lawyer-638017.html

My husband of almost 9 years left in Aug 2016 on his own. He left me and our 2 children in the home(in NJ) and moved in with his parents. We were supposed to file a separation agreement with the courts until we were ready to go through with the divorce. He filed for divorce in June. I am not ready emotionally or financially.He pays the bills for the house but nothing else. I was served on Aug 14 with the papers. I cannot afford a lawyer retainer so I am trying to answer the complaint on my own. That is my first issue. Second, I went to the courthouse to file for child support. They gave me the documents and I have to fill them out. They told me I could ask for w/e I want. I am not sure what to include b/c he told me if I file for cs, he would stop paying the bills. Also, there are several repairs in the home that I need help paying for since he will not come back and fix them himself. Any advice on either of these problems would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I dont think that will work out. It would be nice. October 2018 would be 10 years though.


I'm not sure how she thinks her post her is more informative.

We still don't know if the house and mortgage is in his name, her name, or both names, for example.

jmv, you need to realize that with the divorce, all plans you had for the future go out the window and you're starting anew.

Respond to the divorce petition. The court doesn't care about what you "have time" for, or that you were served on your birthday.
If you want a lawyer, retain a lawyer. Don't know you'll pay for one, but that's no more my concern than it is your husband's.
Don't take legal advice from your husband. He's your opponent in this action.
Accept that you will have to sell the house. You do not have the assets and income to give him half the equity and refinance it in your name.
Accept that if you may have to put your 3 year old in daycare. It is unlikely you'll be able to juggle a full time job at home and take care of a child. Those that do, have help.

 

[t74]

My husband left our home in Aug 2016 and never came back. He sees our 2 children and helps pay the bills for the house. He lives with his parents. We were working on our marriage up until we got into a fight and he left never to come back. It has been very hard on me and the children. I am putting our 8 year old in therapy. He is in denial that anything is wrong with how we separated and he thinks our children are fine. They are not. Anyway, we were going to file separation agreement with the court about 6 months ago. I got the papers to do it and then he said he was filing for divorce. I begged him not to. We are not financially ready for a divorce. He did it. I was served the papers on my birthday(Aug 14th). I have 35 days to respond. I have no money for a lawyer and the county where I live does not offer legal aid for cases like mine. I have called so many lawyers looking for someone to help me but get nowhere. I am trying to answer the complaint myself but it is so hard! I am confused and stressed. He filed without a lawyer b/c he thinks we can do this through mediation. Not one person agrees with that. We have children and a home, among other things. We also don't agree on most things. I don't even speak to him. I can't stand seeing him. He tells me that I am going to put us in debt because I want to do this with a lawyer. He also tells me that I am selfish b/c I am going to ask for alimony instead of getting a full time job and putting our 3 year old in daycare. I work part time right now. That was our agreement when we were married. He worked more so I could be home with the children.
I would also like to mention that while I am working to get my children in therapy for all of this, he is trying to introduce is new gf to the kids. I asked to respect me and not do that right now. Our children are not ready at all! We were supposed to tell them together that we are probably going to divorce but he took it upon himself a couple months ago to do it behind my back. And just a few months later thinks it is ok to introduce his new gf? Everything he does to me and the kids stresses me out. On top of it, I don't know what to do about answering this divorce complaint! Any advice or information is greatly appreciated!

You need to get a full time job now. Had you done it when you first separated, you would have money for the attorney. He does not have to sacrifice and work more than full time so you can be home having him support you. He has to support the children.

You are the one that needs the therapy ASAP. You need to get realistic and grow up really quickly. If you cannot handle the stress and a job with children in the house, you should consider giving him custody and you have the non-custodial parent visitation.

I can certainly see why he wants a divorce based on your comments. You need an attorney for a reality check.

 

[stealth2]

Don't know where in NJ you are, but either Rutgers or Seton Hall quite likely offer legal clinics through their law schools.

 

[jmv2003]

You need to get a full time job now. Had you done it when you first separated, you would have money for the attorney. He does not have to sacrifice and work more than full time so you can be home having him support you. He has to support the children.

You are the one that needs the therapy ASAP. You need to get realistic and grow up really quickly. If you cannot handle the stress and a job with children in the house, you should consider giving him custody and you have the non-custodial parent visitation.

I can certainly see why he wants a divorce based on your comments. You need an attorney for a reality check.

I almost didn't reply to this b/c your response is so asinine. If you had politely asked for more info I would tell you that I do work and when my husband abruptly left me and the children, we agreed on certain things and he has continued to break them. One of them was to make a legal separation agreement so we would have time to save for the divorce(both of us). While we were working on that, he filed for divorce. I have the kids most of the time and work as well. I am in therapy and have been since he left. Matter of fact, we were in therapy before he left. My children are suffering and he thinks they are fine. I do not have to get a full time job. Had he been a real man instead of a coward, he would have prepared me and the children for him leaving but he did not do that. Do me a favor and don't respond to this thread again, I will not read it or respond. Sounds like you have issue of your own that you are taking out on people on this site that you know nothing about. I feel bad for you. Get it together. Maybe get yourself some therapy.

 

[jmv2003]

Don't know where in NJ you are, but either Rutgers or Seton Hall quite likely offer legal clinics through their law schools.

I will look into that. Thank you so much!

 

[Ohiogal]

I almost didn't reply to this b/c your response is so asinine. If you had politely asked for more info I would tell you that I do work and when my husband abruptly left me and the children, we agreed on certain things and he has continued to break them. One of them was to make a legal separation agreement so we would have time to save for the divorce(both of us). While we were working on that, he filed for divorce. I have the kids most of the time and work as well. I am in therapy and have been since he left. Matter of fact, we were in therapy before he left. My children are suffering and he thinks they are fine. I do not have to get a full time job. Had he been a real man instead of a coward, he would have prepared me and the children for him leaving but he did not do that. Do me a favor and don't respond to this thread again, I will not read it or respond. Sounds like you have issue of your own that you are taking out on people on this site that you know nothing about. I feel bad for you. Get it together. Maybe get yourself some therapy.

The way to get help here is not by being rude. You need to get a full time job. THAT is fact. YOUR children? Are they also his children? If you were a real woman, you would be able to stand on your own two feet and not require a man to take care of you. You are not a real woman though. You are a pampered prissy child. Hire counsel. Don't expect anyone here to want to help you.