Can't See My Girls Alone?

[janM]

It's not so much the court siding with the mom...in your case it may be them siding with the one who currently has physical custody and has had for the last 2 months. I hear this is a common ploy. Get the status quo in place and deny dad's time so they can say he has rarely seen them in all that time. Can you prove you've tried to see/contact them?

I hope they take into account you being the main caregiver before that. Can you prove it?

You're right to try for the whole thing, and if you don't get custody, try to get all the time you can.

Best of luck and let us know what happens.

 

[Ohiogal]

I know what I have been told by my attorney and that we should go after full custody of my girls, which I desperately want; however everyone who I know is telling me that there is no way I will get full custody of my girls as the courts always side with the mother in the majority of cases. I know that this is the general belief amongst alot of people, but is ths true?

Despite trying to do everything the right way and my heart being torn apart in all this, I am just getting my hopes up?

Thanks in advance.

It is not true that mom always gets custody.

 

[fldadneedshelp]

Yes, I can certainly prove that. I was at home with the twins while she was working and prior to all that. Everyone around us knows that, so witnesses to that fact would not be a problem.

The problem I am having is that she will not let me see them. She is certainly alienating me from them. Unfortunately there is no law in Florida that allows for an emergency visitation order or anything to that effect. As my attorney put it "a flaw in the system."

I just feel totally discouraged by the whole process and what is transpiring.

 

[Whyte Noise]

dad, there's 2 non custodial moms that have posted in this thread, one being me. So no... moms don't always get custody.

Follow your attorney's advice. Seriously. There's a lot of "armchair lawyers" out there (read: friends and acquaintances) that will tell you you're wasting your time because moms almost always get custody. There's almost 4 million moms here in the US that can prove their "another statistic pulled out of my butt" wrong. Doesn't really sound like a "the courts always side with the mother in the majority of cases" scenario when it's put into those terms, does it?

 

[fldadneedshelp]

That is certainly reassuring and I thank you.

My wife actually filed for "shared custody". The problem I am having is that she says one thing but does the complete opposite. For instance, she says that she wants me to be a part of my girls life as much as possible, but I am not allowed to come see them where she is currently at and she will bring them to me. She has missed 3 of these visits to me over the past 2 weeks, so I have not seen my girls in 2 weeks now.

I would certainly love to mediate and have everyone be happy, but in the current situation she is making that a hard for me to consider with the games she is playing. I know that being angry is not the way to and won't accomplish anything, it is just tearing me apart not be with me girls. I took care of them everyday of their lives for the first year and five months of their lives and to have that stop all of the sudden is a huge shock to the system.

 

[Gracie3787]

Yes, I can certainly prove that. I was at home with the twins while she was working and prior to all that. Everyone around us knows that, so witnesses to that fact would not be a problem.

The problem I am having is that she will not let me see them. She is certainly alienating me from them. Unfortunately there is no law in Florida that allows for an emergency visitation order or anything to that effect. As my attorney put it "a flaw in the system."

I just feel totally discouraged by the whole process and what is transpiring.

It really concerns me that your attorney is telling you that you cannot file for a temp visitation order. I know several people who have temp orders for custody, CS AND visitation. Talk to your attorney about it again, because something just doesn't make sense here. Also, make sure he/she understands that you want a temp order for CS and some form of custody also.

 

[fldadneedshelp]

I certainly thought there would be something along those lines. I did alot of research on my own prior to retaining an attorney and could not find anything at all to that effect. I consulted with a few attorneys before I decided on one and they stated they coould file something but it sounded more like BS to get me to retain them than anything else.

I will ask him again tomorrow to see what there is. I know in other states there is an order that can be filed, but I have been unable to find anything for Florida.

Thanks.

 

[FITFatherof2]

I say this all too often, you dont need a divorce attorney, you need an attorney that specializes in parental rights. You are in a fight for your children, against someone that is just fine with taking them from you forever. I would not suggest mediation, nor would I agree to anything. Tell your attorney to get you some court ordered visitation or you will retain another attorney. Attorneys go home to their families everynight. If your wife works outside the home where are the kids while you are working from home ? Are they with their grandparents? Tell your attorney you want right of first refusal. Light a fire under this attorney. Everyday that goes by with you not seeing your children, is a day that you will never get back. How dare your wife and her parents to try and cheat you out of your childrens lives. Getting mad will do no good if it means that you cannot control your anger, but getting mad and focusing that anger in the right direction will do wonders. My anger made me focus like I never had before. I researched everything I could and hit my attorney with every question I thought of wether I believed it to be stupid or not. Do not give in to those that say you cannot gain custody. Show the courts that the status quo is not agreeable, but that your children were kept from you. I dont know about Florida, but here in Wa state the temp parenting plan is based on the parent who "Provided the majority of parenting functions" during the prior 12 months. From what you say that's you. Look in to it. I wish you and your children well.

 

[LdiJ]

I say this all too often, you dont need a divorce attorney, you need an attorney that specializes in parental rights. You are in a fight for your children, against someone that is just fine with taking them from you forever. I would not suggest mediation, nor would I agree to anything. Tell your attorney to get you some court ordered visitation or you will retain another attorney. Attorneys go home to their families everynight. If your wife works outside the home where are the kids while you are working from home ? Are they with their grandparents? Tell your attorney you want right of first refusal. Light a fire under this attorney. Everyday that goes by with you not seeing your children, is a day that you will never get back. How dare your wife and her parents to try and cheat you out of your childrens lives. Getting mad will do no good if it means that you cannot control your anger, but getting mad and focusing that anger in the right direction will do wonders. My anger made me focus like I never had before. I researched everything I could and hit my attorney with every question I thought of wether I believed it to be stupid or not. Do not give in to those that say you cannot gain custody. Show the courts that the status quo is not agreeable, but that your children were kept from you. I dont know about Florida, but here in Wa state the temp parenting plan is based on the parent who "Provided the majority of parenting functions" during the prior 12 months. From what you say that's you. Look in to it. I wish you and your children well.

He may not be up against someone who is just fine with taking them from him forever.

He may be dealing with someone who is afraid that he will take the children and keep them from her if he gets the opportunity....who wants to wait until there are enforceable court orders.

That is part of the reason why its in everybody's best interest to get enforceable court orders in place ASAP. Once that happens neither of them need to be afraid of the other.

We don't know what went on between the two of them that might have led up to this...or what kind of advice mom is getting...and from whom.

 

[Gracie3787]

I certainly thought there would be something along those lines. I did alot of research on my own prior to retaining an attorney and could not find anything at all to that effect. I consulted with a few attorneys before I decided on one and they stated they coould file something but it sounded more like BS to get me to retain them than anything else.

I will ask him again tomorrow to see what there is. I know in other states there is an order that can be filed, but I have been unable to find anything for Florida.

Thanks.

Go to www.flsenate.gov/STATUTES in chapter 61. Print out 61.052, which specifies that once an answer has been filed the court may issue a temporary order for custody, CS, visitation or any other relief.

Go to www.flcourts.org click on family law forms print out the instructions for form 12.903b) Answer to Petition. It says in part- "Temporary Relief.. if you need temporary relief regarding temporary... parental responsibilities, visitation with child(ren)... you may file a Motion For Temporary Support With Dependant or Minor Child(ren) and Other Relief. Family Law Form 12.947(a).

Take all of these to your attorney and ask that he file a motion for a temp order.

 

[fldadneedshelp]

I really appreciate all of your help and support.

I say this all too often, you dont need a divorce attorney, you need an attorney that specializes in parental rights. You are in a fight for your children, against someone that is just fine with taking them from you forever. I would not suggest mediation, nor would I agree to anything.

I called alot of attorneys regarding this matter and unfortunately alot of the were not accepting "contested" or "disputed" cases. This one seemed the best for my situation. At the time he did tell me that we could not file a temp order was when we had not filed our answer yet, so I hope that is why he said that.

If your wife works outside the home where are the kids while you are working from home ? Are they with their grandparents?

My wife and the girls are living with my wife's parents which is an hour and half from where we used to live. I moved as close as I could into a apartment (in a good area) to be closer (half an hour) to my girls and to make everything more convenient during the divorce. My wife just told me on Saturday that she has accepted a job offer in the next town over from me (good) but she wanted me to come and look at daycares with her. That is when I got really angry and asked why she would put the girls in daycare, when I was willing and able to watch them all day. (My business is such that I can work sporadically throughout the day or night.) She replied stating that it was the best option for her in the situation. I certainly do not want this, nor I am going to pay some stranger to watch my girls and take more time away from my interaction with girls. It is absurd!

Take all of these to your attorney and ask that he file a motion for a temp order.

We filed our repsonse last Thursday so I will get right on this now!

 

[LdiJ]

I really appreciate all of your help and support.



I called alot of attorneys regarding this matter and unfortunately alot of the were not accepting "contested" or "disputed" cases. This one seemed the best for my situation. At the time he did tell me that we could not file a temp order was when we had not filed our answer yet, so I hope that is why he said that.



My wife and the girls are living with my wife's parents which is an hour and half from where we used to live. I moved as close as I could into a apartment (in a good area) to be closer (half an hour) to my girls and to make everything more convenient during the divorce. My wife just told me on Saturday that she has accepted a job offer in the next town over from me (good) but she wanted me to come and look at daycares with her. That is when I got really angry and asked why she would put the girls in daycare, when I was willing and able to watch them all day. (My business is such that I can work sporadically throughout the day or night.) She replied stating that it was the best option for her in the situation. I certainly do not want this, nor I am going to pay some stranger to watch my girls and take more time away from my interaction with girls. It is absurd!



We filed our repsonse last Thursday so I will get right on this now!

A good way for the two of you to share them, is for you to have them during the day, mom to have them evenings and overnight, and for the two of you to alternate the weekends. That maximizes time with the kids for both of you.

 

[fldadneedshelp]

I actually suggested that to her. I thought would be a good idea as well. My only concern is that I do not want to be running the girls back and forth all of time. I think it may put too much strain on them.

 

[LdiJ]

I actually suggested that to her. I thought would be a good idea as well. My only concern is that I do not want to be running the girls back and forth all of time. I think it may put too much strain on them.

You have to accept the fact that things are going to be different for the girls. That gives them time with both mommy and daddy on a daily basis, and that really is what's best for them...and the strain put on them would be very little different than them going to daycare.

It really is the ideal solution, and one that a judge would find difficult to object about if mom wasn't cooperative or wouldn't come to an agreement.

Now, of course that does mean that once they start school, the schedule will have to be changed....and you will probably end up back in court over it....but as long as you are aware of that up front, you can be prepared to deal with that.

 

[fldadneedshelp]

Hopefully, we'll be able to work things out so that we can just spend equal time with them. It just doesn't make sense to me to put them into daycare...but then again alot of things haven't made sense to me thus far.

I just got off the phone with my attorney and he told me that in Hillsborough County where the case is filed, we have to go to mediation before any temporary motion for visitation or custody can be filed. That, it appears won't happen for another month; and if things continue this way that means I will only see my girls for about 8 hours in August.