What is the name of your state? California
I posted a while back about my case. Well, it's finally over (knock on wood), and it was a big waste of time and money. My conclusion is that the court does not care about people's situations or the child's best interest. Sorry if this post is read by you just getting into the process and brings you down, but this is my story.
Anyone can, of course, say anything here and there's no proof so you will just have to take me at my word. I was married about 10 years, we had a son, I caught her cheating on me, I divorced her. We separated (actually, she abandoned the lease and took our son without my knowledge). We were physically apart, but still married for about 2 years more. I paid child support to her during this time, even though I wasn't legally obligated to do so. I include this as evidence that I'm not someone who abandons my child. I grew up without a father and I didn't want my son to go through the same thing. I eventually filed the divorce and was to pay her $343 a month, which I did for 2-1/2 years continuously.
I fell on some hard times and lost a lot of my income. The company I worked for was purchased by another large company and made sweeping changes in the payroll, reducing my income by 40%. Hell, at what it was before, I wasn't able to make ends meet. I stopped paying child support because I didn't have the money. It made me feel awful because I didn't want to be considered a flake or deadbeat dad. She remarried and their income was triple what mine was. Then she sued me for child support. Firstly, there is no help from any state or private organization to help people in this situation unless they can afford to hire a professional. I called all the numbers at the court house and no one would help me. I finally figured out how to fill out the crazy forms, mostly from searching the Net. They wanted financial statements and the like. Good! I thought, they would see how dire my financial situation was and maybe I'd get some relief. I had requested that my payments be lowered due to my situation. My financial statements showed that my bills actually EXCEEDED my income. I was trying to find another job but it isn't easy in my field.
So we go to court. It's in downtown Los Angeles. I have to pay $16 just to park my car. We have to be there at 8:30 AM, but our case isn't heard until like Noon. The judge doesn't even consider the financial statements and says I have to pay. When I mention that she had stopped letting me see my son, he tells me that's a separate issue. Fine, but he does nothing about that. Then he tells us we have to come back in a month because we don't have records of the child support payments. Would have been nice had they told us that before, when we were filing all that paperwork.
So next month, another court date, another $16 for parking, another 4 hour wait for our case. I have all my check stubs and banking statements, which I had to file earlier. I highlighted all the payments on the statements to make it easy. She, of course, had no records. She claimed that she had had a "traumatic experience" and had forgotten a lot of things. So this judge tells me that my records aren't good, that he isn't going to sift through them for the payments, that I have to make a list summarizing the payments. Damn! If you had just told me that last time instead of telling me I had to have "proof" of payments, I would have done that. In my mind, a list of payments isn't proof of anything,except that someone knows how to make a list. Come back next month with a list. Four hours waiting and 5 minutes in session and we're out.
So next month, another $16 for parking, another long wait... Now I am prepared, I have my "list" of payments. I even put in the $3200 I had paid her before our divorce, hoping that would show that I wasn't just trying to escape my obligations.
Bottom line: None of it mattered. She still didn't have a list. All she did was take my list, which I had to serve her when I filed, and copied it. Did I still have to pay $343 a month? No, now I have to pay her $500 a month. Now, how the hell can I pay $500 a month if I couldn't pay $343? Meanwhile, she continues to control the visitation, against the court's order. But of course, that's a separate issue and nobody cares about that issue because no money is involved.
Okay, so what about the medical insurance that I've been paying for our son? The divorce says that both parents are to pay for that 50/50. I ask, doesn't she have to pay me for the back-medical insurance too? No, where's the proof? I have my payroll stub right here that shows the amount I've paid. No good. I guess it's much too far a walk for the bailiff to take it to the judge. She gets off scott free from having to pay me for that. Screwed again.
And what really kills me is that our son, who is 15, doesn't want to live with her because she is very abusive. When he was a child, she whipped him with a leather belt. Now she just yanks on his ear or yells at him. Often, when returning him to her, he is in tears for fear she will scold him. She told him that he can live with me when he turns 18 because then she won't get money from me then. Oh, that's nothing. This is the woman that told him when he was like 5 years old that the reason his pet kitten was killed was because it ran away because he didn't feed it.
Needless to say, I don't know what to do. I will probably have to give up my car. The payments and insurance from that will go a long way to getting the money for her. I have for a long time lived without a home telephone or gas. I cooked on electric appliances or a propane camping stove.
Take heed if you're about to go through this. You're in for a long ride.
I posted a while back about my case. Well, it's finally over (knock on wood), and it was a big waste of time and money. My conclusion is that the court does not care about people's situations or the child's best interest. Sorry if this post is read by you just getting into the process and brings you down, but this is my story.
Anyone can, of course, say anything here and there's no proof so you will just have to take me at my word. I was married about 10 years, we had a son, I caught her cheating on me, I divorced her. We separated (actually, she abandoned the lease and took our son without my knowledge). We were physically apart, but still married for about 2 years more. I paid child support to her during this time, even though I wasn't legally obligated to do so. I include this as evidence that I'm not someone who abandons my child. I grew up without a father and I didn't want my son to go through the same thing. I eventually filed the divorce and was to pay her $343 a month, which I did for 2-1/2 years continuously.
I fell on some hard times and lost a lot of my income. The company I worked for was purchased by another large company and made sweeping changes in the payroll, reducing my income by 40%. Hell, at what it was before, I wasn't able to make ends meet. I stopped paying child support because I didn't have the money. It made me feel awful because I didn't want to be considered a flake or deadbeat dad. She remarried and their income was triple what mine was. Then she sued me for child support. Firstly, there is no help from any state or private organization to help people in this situation unless they can afford to hire a professional. I called all the numbers at the court house and no one would help me. I finally figured out how to fill out the crazy forms, mostly from searching the Net. They wanted financial statements and the like. Good! I thought, they would see how dire my financial situation was and maybe I'd get some relief. I had requested that my payments be lowered due to my situation. My financial statements showed that my bills actually EXCEEDED my income. I was trying to find another job but it isn't easy in my field.
So we go to court. It's in downtown Los Angeles. I have to pay $16 just to park my car. We have to be there at 8:30 AM, but our case isn't heard until like Noon. The judge doesn't even consider the financial statements and says I have to pay. When I mention that she had stopped letting me see my son, he tells me that's a separate issue. Fine, but he does nothing about that. Then he tells us we have to come back in a month because we don't have records of the child support payments. Would have been nice had they told us that before, when we were filing all that paperwork.
So next month, another court date, another $16 for parking, another 4 hour wait for our case. I have all my check stubs and banking statements, which I had to file earlier. I highlighted all the payments on the statements to make it easy. She, of course, had no records. She claimed that she had had a "traumatic experience" and had forgotten a lot of things. So this judge tells me that my records aren't good, that he isn't going to sift through them for the payments, that I have to make a list summarizing the payments. Damn! If you had just told me that last time instead of telling me I had to have "proof" of payments, I would have done that. In my mind, a list of payments isn't proof of anything,except that someone knows how to make a list. Come back next month with a list. Four hours waiting and 5 minutes in session and we're out.
So next month, another $16 for parking, another long wait... Now I am prepared, I have my "list" of payments. I even put in the $3200 I had paid her before our divorce, hoping that would show that I wasn't just trying to escape my obligations.
Bottom line: None of it mattered. She still didn't have a list. All she did was take my list, which I had to serve her when I filed, and copied it. Did I still have to pay $343 a month? No, now I have to pay her $500 a month. Now, how the hell can I pay $500 a month if I couldn't pay $343? Meanwhile, she continues to control the visitation, against the court's order. But of course, that's a separate issue and nobody cares about that issue because no money is involved.
Okay, so what about the medical insurance that I've been paying for our son? The divorce says that both parents are to pay for that 50/50. I ask, doesn't she have to pay me for the back-medical insurance too? No, where's the proof? I have my payroll stub right here that shows the amount I've paid. No good. I guess it's much too far a walk for the bailiff to take it to the judge. She gets off scott free from having to pay me for that. Screwed again.
And what really kills me is that our son, who is 15, doesn't want to live with her because she is very abusive. When he was a child, she whipped him with a leather belt. Now she just yanks on his ear or yells at him. Often, when returning him to her, he is in tears for fear she will scold him. She told him that he can live with me when he turns 18 because then she won't get money from me then. Oh, that's nothing. This is the woman that told him when he was like 5 years old that the reason his pet kitten was killed was because it ran away because he didn't feed it.
Needless to say, I don't know what to do. I will probably have to give up my car. The payments and insurance from that will go a long way to getting the money for her. I have for a long time lived without a home telephone or gas. I cooked on electric appliances or a propane camping stove.
Take heed if you're about to go through this. You're in for a long ride.
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