Chance of getting sole custody?

[keyzblewz]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Alabama

My ex husband has spent 4 hours in the last 3 years with his children. He ignores requests from them and me to visit them. His response is to tell them to come see him if they want to. He lives 4 hours away.

In the last 3 years he has made 3 phone calls to them. He does not call them on birthdays, Christmas or any time really. He does email them though every couple of months and keep them up to date about his new life. He has a stepdaughter that he is close to. The stepdaughter recently sent the children pictures of them....like when she got married and he walked her down the isle or of them hugging at her college graduation.

Our oldest child recently left for college and I wrote her father and suggested he come up and help her move her things and get settled in. She is only an hour away from him now and I was hoping if he came up and helped it might enable them to start rebuilding their relationship. He ignored the email and has ignored our daughter since she left for school. We still have a 13 year old daughter at home and have joint custody.

He basically seems to have little interest in either child or a relationship with them unless they are willing to come see him. After 3 years of being treated as disposable objects by him they are VERY angry and no longer interested in a relationship. They have asked him to work with them and their therapist to get the problems solved. He refused to do that also.

I am going to be back in court with my ex within the next few months on other issues and I am thinking about petitioning the courts for sole custody. Would a judge take into consideration the fact that he has refused to visit his children and offer them emotional support? Would the fact that he seems to have replaced his children with his new stepdaughter have any enfluence on the case?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Alabama

My ex husband has spent 4 hours in the last 3 years with his children. He ignores requests from them and me to visit them. His response is to tell them to come see him if they want to. He lives 4 hours away.

In the last 3 years he has made 3 phone calls to them. He does not call them on birthdays, Christmas or any time really. He does email them though every couple of months and keep them up to date about his new life. He has a stepdaughter that he is close to. The stepdaughter recently sent the children pictures of them....like when she got married and he walked her down the isle or of them hugging at her college graduation.

Our oldest child recently left for college and I wrote her father and suggested he come up and help her move her things and get settled in. She is only an hour away from him now and I was hoping if he came up and helped it might enable them to start rebuilding their relationship. He ignored the email and has ignored our daughter since she left for school. We still have a 13 year old daughter at home and have joint custody.

He basically seems to have little interest in either child or a relationship with them unless they are willing to come see him. After 3 years of being treated as disposable objects by him they are VERY angry and no longer interested in a relationship. They have asked him to work with them and their therapist to get the problems solved. He refused to do that also.

I am going to be back in court with my ex within the next few months on other issues and I am thinking about petitioning the courts for sole custody. Would a judge take into consideration the fact that he has refused to visit his children and offer them emotional support? Would the fact that he seems to have replaced his children with his new stepdaughter have any enfluence on the case?

Why even bother? Why even open up that "can of worms"? You already have "defacto" sole custody now. Trying to make it official just might make things worse for your 13 year old. Your oldest can make her own choices now, the court no longer has control of her, but your youngest has 5 more years to go.

What are you taking him to court about? Think that through carefully too.

 

[keyzblewz]

Hello LDiJ,

I'm the poster with the mortgage problem. You responded to that thread also. As I said on that thread my daughter has a history of cancer. In November my ex was in town and went by her school. He didn't request to see her, he refused when they offered. He took a look at her records and saw that she had missed 12 days of school one month. She had developed mono and we were lucky that is all she missed.

He called the truancy officer and filed a complaint and the next thing I knew they were knocking on my door. The school counselor told my daughter that her father had been to the school. Next thing I know she has cankor sores all over her mouth and down her throat. The Dr. said it was due to stress. Her father started emailing her about the time she was missing in school and how she had better keep herself "straight" or he would go to the school again. Now she is uncomfortable at school and had to be put into a counseling program the school offers. As long as we have joint custody he can go to her school and see her records. This I wouldn't mind at all if he would use it in a constructive way. For him though it's just a way to make trouble.

He seems to have some kind of emotional problem or something that keeps him from being able to understand the harm he does. In light of his need to show his anger instead of be a loving father I think it's best that he does not have the right to her records. Not until he can do something constructive instead of destructive.

It's just a thought right now. I fear the courts forcing something on my daughter she can't handle and, like you said, ending up making matters worse for her. I also fear him and the things he can do with the rights he has right now. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

Hello LDiJ,

I'm the poster with the mortgage problem. You responded to that thread also. As I said on that thread my daughter has a history of cancer. In November my ex was in town and went by her school. He didn't request to see her, he refused when they offered. He took a look at her records and saw that she had missed 12 days of school one month. She had developed mono and we were lucky that is all she missed.

He called the truancy officer and filed a complaint and the next thing I knew they were knocking on my door. The school counselor told my daughter that her father had been to the school. Next thing I know she has cankor sores all over her mouth and down her throat. The Dr. said it was due to stress. Her father started emailing her about the time she was missing in school and how she had better keep herself "straight" or he would go to the school again. Now she is uncomfortable at school and had to be put into a counseling program the school offers. As long as we have joint custody he can go to her school and see her records. This I wouldn't mind at all if he would use it in a constructive way. For him though it's just a way to make trouble.

He seems to have some kind of emotional problem or something that keeps him from being able to understand the harm he does. In light of his need to show his anger instead of be a loving father I think it's best that he does not have the right to her records. Not until he can do something constructive instead of destructive.

It's just a thought right now. I fear the courts forcing something on my daughter she can't handle and, like you said, ending up making matters worse for her. I also fear him and the things he can do with the rights he has right now. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thank you.

I am pretty certain that he would still be able to access her school records even if you had sole custody...I believe that's federal law..so that wouldn't help your daughter. He wouldn't have any decision making rights, but he could still access the records and make trouble.

He is a real "piece of work" isn't he? Is he paying CS on top of the "mortgage/alimony" amount? I would almost be tempted to just leave him be, period, until your youngest is old enough to make her own choices. I realize that doesn't solve your mortgage problem, and I realize its a serious one...however I am concerned that your daughter might end up paying for it if the judge really does come down on him. If he is forced to comply he is going to want to punish you....and what better way to do that than through the child?

 

[keyzblewz]

According to the school counselor if I had sole custody he would not have access to her records. They all want to be able to refuse to share any info regarding her but as long as he has joint custody they have to talk to him and give him what he wants if he shows up.

Yes, he is a "piece of work." I kind of feel sorry for him myself, cause that kind of stupidity only ends up biting you in the butt one day...real bad too. He does pay his child support. He has a good job and makes a great salary. He tried to mess with the child support and I went to his boss...an old family friend. He told my ex he would be out the door without a job if he caused problems in that way for the children. Fear of losing his job is the only reason he does pay though.

You are right in everything you say. He will use the daughters to get back at me, he has been doing it for years. I've got a mortgage broker working with me now to try and get the credit score raised. I will know by the end of February if I can get the mortgage on my own. If I can I will feed him a face full of behind and count my blessings. I truly think once I'm able to do that he will drop completely out of sight and that would be best for the little one.

I'm just thinking ahead because of he is forced to comply with the housing issue sole custody is the only way I have of protecting her. Thank you once again for responding.