Change in custodialship

[kbeans1980]

Well, actually.... the car ride is an optimal time to DO homework. Really.

It makes me sick to my stomach to read in the car. I couldn't imagine doing full on homework. It's tight quarters in the back seat of a car to do coloring and spelling words. But I see your point.

 

[LdiJ]

First, thank you all for your replies. This weighs heavily on me. It feels like a no-win situation.

Our divorce happened when the kids were 2 and 5. At the time, the girls were going into Kinder. The baby was in daycare. There were no after school activities or anything of that sort at the time. The youngest is going into 1st now and the girls in 3rd.

The posession schedule is as follows:

During the school year, he gets them fromt he time school is out(2:45 pm) till I get off work(4:30 pm). Then he gets them Texas Extended Standard possession. So he gets them every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend. Then he gets them 30 days in the summer. All other times the kids are with me.

I don't have an issue with the therapy if it were to be productive. I have a major issue with them missing school when "play therapy" isn't addressing any issues post divorce that the kids have. I have a relationship with the therapist, but as he takes them most of the time (since he picks them up from school while I'm at work) I don't hear all that goes on and the kids' REAL issues (like having daddy say things about mommy, peer pressure and so on) aren't being addressed. The kids have started talking down to my fiance as they have been told that since he has not married me yet, he is not a "forever family member" and they don't have to listen to him. While I'm fully aware that a court case won't prevent him from being a jerk, if he weren't allowed to just take the kids out of school to go to therapy and if he weren't picking them up for 2 hours a day as a power play against me, maybe he won't have as much time to spew those things. If that makes sense. But after 8 months of therapy and all the school time missed, you would think there would be SOME resolution. There isn't. The school, gymnastics, tawkwondo... all the places where she has been listed as the mother, have been changed back to me.

As for the passports, He asked if i would be opposed to getting them since both of us hoped to travel via cruise with the kids in the future. This was back in Feb 14. There were no further notifications.


Thank you again for all the feedback.

Well, once again, you can definitely have their records changed at school and should have them changed. In addition, you can object (and take it to court if necessary) to the children missing school for therapy since there is time in the afternoon, after school, for therapy sessions. You can also object to the therapist and ask that another be assigned if you feel that the therapist is not helping the children.

If your court orders are silent on the issue of extracurriculars then you can tell dad no, that you cannot afford them or that you will not pay for anything that you have not agreed to in advance.

You can also ask the courts to order that dad make the children available to you by telephone (and you will be ordered to do the same). However, I think that you really don't need that except for weekends and summer parenting time.

I do have a question through...is the time after school court ordered or is dad just arbitrarily taking that time?

 

[kbeans1980]

Well, once again, you can definitely have their records changed at school and should have them changed. In addition, you can object (and take it to court if necessary) to the children missing school for therapy since there is time in the afternoon, after school, for therapy sessions. You can also object to the therapist and ask that another be assigned if you feel that the therapist is not helping the children.

If your court orders are silent on the issue of extracurriculars then you can tell dad no, that you cannot afford them or that you will not pay for anything that you have not agreed to in advance.

You can also ask the courts to order that dad make the children available to you by telephone (and you will be ordered to do the same). However, I think that you really don't need that except for weekends and summer parenting time.

I do have a question through...is the time after school court ordered or is dad just arbitrarily taking that time?

When the final trial happened, I had just gone back to work after being a stay at home mom for 5 years. The only schedule I could get was 12:00-8 pm. So my ex asked for the time after school and until I was off work to "minimize daycare for the kids". The judge asked if I had any objections to which I replied "That's fine by me. He hasn't been a bad dad. I just don't want to be married to him anymore". In court, he went the smear route. Tried painting me as a horrible person. I didn't go that route. I just said we were too different and simply wanted out and I wanted my children that I had cared for at home for thepast 5 years. So it IS in the decree that he gets the kids after school till I'm off work. I only had that schedule for 6 months. then I got a normal 8-5 job. Thru schedule changes and what not, I now get off at 3:30 pm. So he drives to the school and picks them up at 2:45 and drives the half hour to his home and I get there approx 15-20 minutes later just to drive them the half hour home. It seems ridiculous to me. I get that it's "HIS TIME", but it isn't about he or I now. It's about the kids. This current schedule isn't efficient for them.

Also, thank you all for your replies. I know I got defensive there. I'm just on edge. I have not been able to verify their travel plans since they left the country(although I would hope that they would return just fine) and I'm sad that after all these years, there is a flat our refusal to work together. It's not an excuse to be snippy to any of you all.

 

[stealth2]

It makes me sick to my stomach to read in the car. I couldn't imagine doing full on homework. It's tight quarters in the back seat of a car to do coloring and spelling words. But I see your point.

But you're not the one doing homework. Do the kids get carsick?

 

[kbeans1980]

But you're not the one doing homework. Do the kids get carsick?

I know one of the 3 does for sure. Both of the girls have glasses. Once they got glasses, one of the twins complained of car sickness. She can't play on video games or anything. it's been about a year. Not all 3 kids though.

 

[LdiJ]

When the final trial happened, I had just gone back to work after being a stay at home mom for 5 years. The only schedule I could get was 12:00-8 pm. So my ex asked for the time after school and until I was off work to "minimize daycare for the kids". The judge asked if I had any objections to which I replied "That's fine by me. He hasn't been a bad dad. I just don't want to be married to him anymore". In court, he went the smear route. Tried painting me as a horrible person. I didn't go that route. I just said we were too different and simply wanted out and I wanted my children that I had cared for at home for thepast 5 years. So it IS in the decree that he gets the kids after school till I'm off work. I only had that schedule for 6 months. then I got a normal 8-5 job. Thru schedule changes and what not, I now get off at 3:30 pm. So he drives to the school and picks them up at 2:45 and drives the half hour to his home and I get there approx 15-20 minutes later just to drive them the half hour home. It seems ridiculous to me. I get that it's "HIS TIME", but it isn't about he or I now. It's about the kids. This current schedule isn't efficient for them.

Also, thank you all for your replies. I know I got defensive there. I'm just on edge. I have not been able to verify their travel plans since they left the country(although I would hope that they would return just fine) and I'm sad that after all these years, there is a flat our refusal to work together. It's not an excuse to be snippy to any of you all.

Where would the kids be from 2:45 until 3:45 or so when you can pick them up? You honestly may have a valid argument on that one if your schedule is unlikely to change in the future. It is a bit illogical for them to spend an hour in the car every day after school for that short amount of time. What overnights does dad actually have at this point? I know you said extended standard possession but I forget what the means and really don't feel like looking it up.

 

[kbeans1980]

Where would the kids be from 2:45 until 3:45 or so when you can pick them up? You honestly may have a valid argument on that one if your schedule is unlikely to change in the future. It is a bit illogical for them to spend an hour in the car every day after school for that short amount of time. What overnights does dad actually have at this point? I know you said extended standard possession but I forget what the means and really don't feel like looking it up.

My fiance works from home as a contractor. He only works when the kids are in school since he makes his schedule. The kids(supervised of course), would be able to walk/ride bikes/ or be driven home to my house. We live .93 of a mile away from their current school and 1.27 miles away fromt he junior high when they enter 6th grade+. They would get home by 3:00 pm and would have homework done and would be able to play with neighbor kids until 4;30 when we would all leave to go to Taekwondo on Momday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Gymnastics and cheer are on Fridays. So their dad would still see them each of those days.

Their dad has them every thursday night in the school year. Then 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. For example, in August, he will have them 9 nights. September: 10, October: 11, November: 6(due to vacation schedule) and so on... If he were to have standard posession, he would lose the Thursday nights. Currently, he drives them the 30 minutes to school on Friday mornings. It takes us just a few minutes to walk them to school.

 

[Silverplum]

My fiance works from home as a contractor. He only works when the kids are in school since he makes his schedule. The kids(supervised of course), would be able to walk/ride bikes/ or be driven home to my house. We live .93 of a mile away from their current school and 1.27 miles away fromt he junior high when they enter 6th grade+. They would get home by 3:00 pm and would have homework done and would be able to play with neighbor kids until 4;30 when we would all leave to go to Taekwondo on Momday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Gymnastics and cheer are on Fridays. So their dad would still see them each of those days.

Their dad has them every thursday night in the school year. Then 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. For example, in August, he will have them 9 nights. September: 10, October: 11, November: 6(due to vacation schedule) and so on... If he were to have standard posession, he would lose the Thursday nights. Currently, he drives them the 30 minutes to school on Friday mornings. It takes us just a few minutes to walk them to school.

Oh, well, then. The CurrentGuy can care for the children instead of their Dad. Run, don't walk to court with that proposal.

 

[kbeans1980]

Oh, well, then. The CurrentGuy can care for the children instead of their Dad. Run, don't walk to court with that proposal.

I don't KNOW if it's a valid argument. Which is why I'm asking. Geesh y'all are a tough crowd. If I thought I had all the answers, I wouldn't be asking. Like I said, currently, the kids are in the car a lot each day. And it isn't ALWAYS their dad. Sometimes it's their step mom that picks them up. EVERYTHING about our lives has changed sinec the divorce was final. I have no way of knowing who picks them up when. But probably half the time it isn't even their dad. He has work too.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh, well, then. The CurrentGuy can care for the children instead of their Dad. Run, don't walk to court with that proposal.

I don't think that it has anything to do with current guy vs dad. I think it has to do with the fact that they are spending an hour in the car every day just to spend a little bit of time with dad. Now, since apparently dad is also seeing them at their activities, nearly daily, then maybe that hour isn't really necessary. Mom could also offer dad a whole evening, maybe on Tuesday nights, to make up for losing that little bit of daily time.

I wouldn't have even said anything if it wasn't for the hour long round trip.

 

[Silverplum]

I don't KNOW if it's a valid argument. Which is why I'm asking. Geesh y'all are a tough crowd. If I thought I had all the answers, I wouldn't be asking. Like I said, currently, the kids are in the car a lot each day. And it isn't ALWAYS their dad. Sometimes it's their step mom that picks them up. EVERYTHING about our lives has changed sinec the divorce was final. I have no way of knowing who picks them up when. But probably half the time it isn't even their dad. He has work too.

Golly gee.

 

[kbeans1980]

Golly gee.

Are you sure you aren't my ex? You have his same sense of humor and holier than thou attitude.

 

[Silverplum]

Are you sure you aren't my ex? You have his same sense of humor and holier than thou attitude.

Sure. I've been waiting here for YOU, for years.

 

[kbeans1980]

Golly gee.

So having CurrentGal(their step mom) is better or more legal than the other way around in your eyes because ... why? Cause it's their FATHER's time? Well if he isn't there with them watching them, it isn't HIS time, is it? And so just becasue that's how the decree reads it's acceptable for the kids to be inconvienienced years later? They HATE being in the car all day. They despise it. They want to play with their friends. They want to get their homework done and over with. They want to be normal kids. It isn't their fault mom and dad can't get a long. Isn't the court supposed todo what is best for the kids? You spend more time being sarcastic than helpful If you don't like the facts that I give you, FINE. GO AWAY. the others have contributed positively and have given me things to consider. The other side of the coin. Youthink this is EASY for me? I HATE court. I don't WANT to go. But life as we currently know it is miserable. It can not continue. And rolling your eyes is not helping me along with my decisions.

Really.

 

[kbeans1980]

Sure. I've been waiting here for YOU, for years.

I want to like you. I do. But gah. This is frustrating for me. I'm not TRYING to be mean.