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Change in custodialship

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kbeans1980

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Good morning. My name is Kelly. My divorce will be 3 years old in January. When We filed, I told the judge that I didn't care about the conservatorship being joint because at the time, I didn't think my ex was a bad parent. I just wanted out of the marriage. Since then, he has become very dirty. He withholds communication with the kids when they are in his care. He refuses to allow me to talk to them even in his extended periods. He puts the kids in extracurricular activities without discussing the expense with me and then expects me to pay. He has had the kids in "therapy' for 8 months now where he takes the kids out of school. They have missed the equivalent of 8 days of school in just half a year. He has changed school docs to list his current wife as the kids' "mom" and myself as an �other contact". Most recently, he took the kids to Mexico and the only notice I received was that from his wife while they were on the way to the airport.

I would prefer to have his custodial privileges limited now after 3 years of him refusing to co-parent, but I'm scared to go down this long road when I didn't contest to joint conservators in the past.

Is this even a fight worth venturing into?
 


BL

Senior Member
One thing you can do is request the school to correct their records to reflect you as mother .

They'll have to upon proof.
 

kbeans1980

Junior Member
One thing you can do is request the school to correct their records to reflect you as mother .

They'll have to upon proof.

I did this when I moved. I am geographically restricted to my ISD. I registered the kids in august of last year and then when I moved in the district, just 3 months later, the records were changed. He is doing things like that over and over for who knows why. He called CSP and the claims were thrownout. It's a never ending battle. We are hoping that if we change his custodial abilities, then he won't be able to do that kind of thing any more.

Child support will be addressed too if I do choose to go back. He got a discount at the time of the decree cause I was working evenings(went back to work from being a stay at home mom). I have changed to a Monday-Friday 8-4;30 schedule for the past two years and he only pays me $690.00/ month for 3 children and he makes $65000.00/year. I just need to make the decision if it is worth it all to open this can of worms. He was sexually abused as a kid and in foster care. I have concerns now of mental instability based off some of the things he has said and done. He has told the children flat out that he hates me.
 

Ladyback1

Senior Member
I did this when I moved. I am geographically restricted to my ISD. I registered the kids in august of last year and then when I moved in the district, just 3 months later, the records were changed. He is doing things like that over and over for who knows why. He called CSP and the claims were thrownout. It's a never ending battle. We are hoping that if we change his custodial abilities, then he won't be able to do that kind of thing any more.

Child support will be addressed too if I do choose to go back. He got a discount at the time of the decree cause I was working evenings(went back to work from being a stay at home mom). I have changed to a Monday-Friday 8-4;30 schedule for the past two years and he only pays me $690.00/ month for 3 children and he makes $65000.00/year. I just need to make the decision if it is worth it all to open this can of worms. He was sexually abused as a kid and in foster care. I have concerns now of mental instability based off some of the things he has said and done. He has told the children flat out that he hates me.
Who is "WE"?

And if he is intent on making your life miserable by doing these things, he will continue regardless of a court says. Granted, you will have the recourse of filing for contempt when he violates the orders...but even that can be a long process.
 

torimac

Member
He was sexually abused as a kid and in foster care. I have concerns now of mental instability based off some of the things he has said and done. He has told the children flat out that he hates me.
I have a hard time believing that this is a concern of yours. You married and had 3 children by this man. You had no previous concerns of mental stability? Really? It sounds like you are genuinely concerned regarding what appears his 'bullying' but mental instability? Do you have any training in the mental health occupations?
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I did this when I moved. I am geographically restricted to my ISD. I registered the kids in august of last year and then when I moved in the district, just 3 months later, the records were changed. He is doing things like that over and over for who knows why. He called CSP and the claims were thrownout. It's a never ending battle. We are hoping that if we change his custodial abilities, then he won't be able to do that kind of thing any more.

Child support will be addressed too if I do choose to go back. He got a discount at the time of the decree cause I was working evenings(went back to work from being a stay at home mom). I have changed to a Monday-Friday 8-4;30 schedule for the past two years and he only pays me $690.00/ month for 3 children and he makes $65000.00/year. I just need to make the decision if it is worth it all to open this can of worms. He was sexually abused as a kid and in foster care. I have concerns now of mental instability based off some of the things he has said and done. He has told the children flat out that he hates me.
I would be curious to know the "we" as well. Your new BF/husband?:confused:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Good morning. My name is Kelly. My divorce will be 3 years old in January. When We filed, I told the judge that I didn't care about the conservatorship being joint because at the time, I didn't think my ex was a bad parent. I just wanted out of the marriage. Since then, he has become very dirty. He withholds communication with the kids when they are in his care. He refuses to allow me to talk to them even in his extended periods.
What is your parenting schedule?

He puts the kids in extracurricular activities without discussing the expense with me and then expects me to pay.
Do your court orders address extracurricular activities?
He has had the kids in "therapy' for 8 months now where he takes the kids out of school. They have missed the equivalent of 8 days of school in just half a year.
Do you object to therapy or just them missing school for therapy?

He has changed school docs to list his current wife as the kids' "mom" and myself as an �other contact".
Change it right back yourself. Make it clear to the school that you are mom.

Most recently, he took the kids to Mexico and the only notice I received was that from his wife while they were on the way to the airport.
How did he get passports for the children?

I would prefer to have his custodial privileges limited now after 3 years of him refusing to co-parent, but I'm scared to go down this long road when I didn't contest to joint conservators in the past.

Is this even a fight worth venturing into?
I need your answers to the above questions before I comment on this part.
 

kbeans1980

Junior Member
What is your parenting schedule?



Do your court orders address extracurricular activities?


Do you object to therapy or just them missing school for therapy?



Change it right back yourself. Make it clear to the school that you are mom.



How did he get passports for the children?



I need your answers to the above questions before I comment on this part.
First, thank you all for your replies. This weighs heavily on me. It feels like a no-win situation.

Our divorce happened when the kids were 2 and 5. At the time, the girls were going into Kinder. The baby was in daycare. There were no after school activities or anything of that sort at the time. The youngest is going into 1st now and the girls in 3rd.

The posession schedule is as follows:

During the school year, he gets them fromt he time school is out(2:45 pm) till I get off work(4:30 pm). Then he gets them Texas Extended Standard possession. So he gets them every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend. Then he gets them 30 days in the summer. All other times the kids are with me.

I don't have an issue with the therapy if it were to be productive. I have a major issue with them missing school when "play therapy" isn't addressing any issues post divorce that the kids have. I have a relationship with the therapist, but as he takes them most of the time (since he picks them up from school while I'm at work) I don't hear all that goes on and the kids' REAL issues (like having daddy say things about mommy, peer pressure and so on) aren't being addressed. The kids have started talking down to my fiance as they have been told that since he has not married me yet, he is not a "forever family member" and they don't have to listen to him. While I'm fully aware that a court case won't prevent him from being a jerk, if he weren't allowed to just take the kids out of school to go to therapy and if he weren't picking them up for 2 hours a day as a power play against me, maybe he won't have as much time to spew those things. If that makes sense. But after 8 months of therapy and all the school time missed, you would think there would be SOME resolution. There isn't. The school, gymnastics, tawkwondo... all the places where she has been listed as the mother, have been changed back to me.

As for the passports, He asked if i would be opposed to getting them since both of us hoped to travel via cruise with the kids in the future. This was back in Feb 14. There were no further notifications.


Thank you again for all the feedback.
 

kbeans1980

Junior Member
I would be curious to know the "we" as well. Your new BF/husband?:confused:


Yes. My fiance. We have been together since June 12'. My ex stared dating his now wife in 12'. Got engaged in august 12' and was married March 13'. My finace and I purchased a home in Nov. 13'.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Yes. My fiance. We have been together since June 12'. My ex stared dating his now wife in 12'. Got engaged in august 12' and was married March 13'. My finace and I purchased a home in Nov. 13'.
There is no "we" wrt your kids/custody/etc. There is you and Dad. Period. That will not change if you marry. Sorry.
 

kbeans1980

Junior Member
There is no "we" wrt your kids/custody/etc. There is you and Dad. Period. That will not change if you marry. Sorry.
I'm well aware. thanks. And what happens to me also effects him. That said, I completely agree. There is myself, the father and the children that are impacted the most. The decisions are made based off of the 5 of us. as it should be. He doesn't attempt to be the kids' father. The kids have one mom. One Dad. One Step mom and one step dad. Period. I never said that my fiance wants to sue my ex. He is simply my support. I don't see where that calls for a condesending comment. I was answering a question posed that said "who is 'we'. I'm asuming a boyfriend/husband?" I appreciate constructive feedback though.


Sorry.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I'm well aware. thanks. And what happens to me also effects him. That said, I completely agree. There is myself, the father and the children that are impacted the most. The decisions are made based off of the 5 of us. as it should be. He doesn't attempt to be the kids' father. The kids have one mom. One Dad. One Step mom and one step dad. Period. I never said that my fiance wants to sue my ex. He is simply my support. I don't see where that calls for a condesending comment. I appreciate constructive feedback though.


Sorry.
You started using "we" when it wasn't appropriate.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I'm well aware. thanks. And what happens to me also effects him. That said, I completely agree. There is myself, the father and the children that are impacted the most. The decisions are made based off of the 5 of us. as it should be. He doesn't attempt to be the kids' father. The kids have one mom. One Dad. One Step mom and one step dad. Period. I never said that my fiance wants to sue my ex. He is simply my support. I don't see where that calls for a condesending comment. I was answering a question posed that said "who is 'we'. I'm asuming a boyfriend/husband?" I appreciate constructive feedback though.


Sorry.
It wasn't condescending. Weget a lot of posters who insist their new one is part of the equation. I didn't bring "we" up - you did.
 

kbeans1980

Junior Member
It wasn't condescending. Weget a lot of posters who insist their new one is part of the equation. I didn't bring "we" up - you did.
My apologies. While I do have a supportive soon to be spouse(thankfully), he is well aware that this is not his fight. In the same way that I don't want his new wife to to take over my role, I wouldn't want to have my fiance take over my ex husband's role. Despite everything, they are his kids too.

Back to the subject at hand, IF I were to approach an attorney and spend all of the money, I would want to make sure that I am taking the best course of action. While I understand that it won't prevent him from being mean, I want to make life a little more normal. We live less than a mile fromt he school. With my ex picking the kids up, they are forced to drive 60+ minutes a day. This limits their homework time, play time, and makes life in general more cumbersom for the kids. Their father would still see them daily if he chose to at all the sports and what not. So it wouldn't limit contact to the kids, rather make their lives easier. The decree was designed 5, 5 and 2 year olds. Not very active, social 8, 8 and 6 year olds. It would limit their exposure to hate speach as well.
 
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