Change in living situation & support issues

[nevadamom]

Living in Nevada. My ex & I were separted in 1996; divorced in 1999. We have joint legal custody and share equal time with our 3 children: 11, 9 & 7. The divorce was uncontested and was simple, since we had been separated for 3 years. My situation when the divorce was finalized was that I was dating a wealthy man that helped me ALOT in my living arrangements. I worked for him and lived in a home that he bought for me. He basically paid all of my majors living expenses and so child support was not an issue. I planned on marrying this man and didn't expect any support from my ex since he had the kids half the time. My situation has changed dramatically. I have found a new job, moved out into a gov't. subsidised apartment, bought an older model car to avoid a car payment, pay all of my own bills, and no longer use any credit cards. My lifestyle has changed and now so have my children's. I can not afford to pay for child care and have my 11-year-old watch the kids on track breaks when they are with me. My ex has had a live-in girlfriend for the past 4 years and, from what I can tell, they share all living expenses and paychecks. She is a teacher and the kids attend the school where she teaches. There is no childcare issue on my ex's part because she takes them to and from school and is off on track breaks at the same time. Because my kids do not enjoy after-school care (which is no more than an hour and a half) until I can pick them up, and, understandably, do not enjoy spending 8 hours at home while they are on trackbreak, their father has "suggested" that they live with him during the week and me on the weekends. At first my kids thought that was a great idea until I told them all of the downfalls of never being around me. With my ex's acknowledgment of my situation and my lack of funds to provide adequate child care for them, one would think that he would offer to help pay - afterall, he has NO expenses whatsoever!! Do I have grounds to ask for child support? Because he and his girlfriend are not married, does the court only look at his income even though they have been sharing the benefits of a dual income for 4 years? He is in a field where he receives alot of tips. By the look of his 1999 tax return, he is not claiming any of them. I have asked others in his position how much they make, including tips, and they have all responded with at least 40K but probably closer to 60K. I make less than 30K. If anyone can give me any advise, I would appreciate it. I cannot afford an attorney but would like to know what options I have. I am seriously struggling with money and he is living the high life.... something is seriously wrong with this situation.

 

[Bre's_mom]

For your information:

If you go after him for childsupport, then he can turn around and do the same thing. He can go after you for childsupport. And no,Childsupport Enforcement will not consider her income. So before you go after him for child support I'd think long and hard, if you can barely make it now, how would you make it if you had to pay him. Maybe the kids would be better off with him during the week and you during the weekends. Remember that you have to think about what is in the best interest of the kids!

 

[sbaldwin]

You must remember that this man is now your EX HUSBAND ! It is no longer his responsibility to support YOU! You should be greatful that your ex doesn't go after YOU for support and leave it at that! Please don't think I'm being cruel, only honest!

 

[hound dog]

I agree with shared custody he could go after you for support. Let the children go live with him for the week and you on the weekends. If you press it more he will probably go for full custody and with your money problems he will probably win b/c he has more money. I would think long and hard about this if the daycare is your biggest expence then let him have the kids on the weekdays that way you do not carry that expence.
No they will never look at her income. You are responsible for supporting you.

 

[ellencee]

nevadamom

Please read your divorce decree and see if anything prohibits your seeking a modification of the issue of child support. To the best of my knowledge, a substantial change in circumstances is grounds for seeking a modification of support for the children. Such support will be based on their father's proven income.

If your income meets the guidelines, and an attorney is available, legal aid, or whatever name your state of residence uses, should be available to you.

I do not think the courts will see a lowering of your financial status as reason to change custody and visitation, unless the change in your circumstances is adversely affecting the children; or if even the addition of child support would prevent your providing them with a safe and healthy environment in which to live.

Please do not create problems where there are none, and forget about what you have 'heard' about his tips and forget about his living arrangements (which are not dissimilar to yours in recent years). Stick to the issue of needing child support due to the changes in your circumstances.

You can not afford to not seek an attorney to represent you; check your area for legal services for those in need.

Best wishes for a brighter tomorrow and for the continuing happiness your children enjoy by having both parents willing to love and nurture them.

 

[raina400]

1) If it works out that you have the children more than he does (more than 1/2 the year I believe is the calculation that is used), then he should be paying some child support. I don't know how difficult it would be to get an enforcement since I don't know what you have in your divorce papers. Maybe that could be a separate question for you to ask and post here.

2) Is it possible since his girlfriend teaches at the school they attend, that she could take them home with her after school until you get off work? Is it also possible that they stay with dad and the girlfriend while everyone is off track? If you have the kids all week and he has them on the weekends and when they are off track AND an hour and a half during the week, I think ( you would have to check the calculations) that you would still have them more than 50% of the year and could ask him for child support or at the LEAST be able to claim them as dependents on YOUR taxes.

It seems the ones who are trying the hardest are the ones who are given the toughest jobs. I wish you the best.