change in visitation or a custody modification??

[ConcerndStepmom]

What is the name of your state? Florida

OK.. computer on crack I am going attempt this once again.

My husband has two daughters. The mother being the primary residential parent and him being the secondary. He pays child support in the amount of $525.00 a month. Also including in this final judgement The standard shared parenting model is to be strictly complied by both parties.

I will try to stick to the basics if all possible. The divorce was filed Oct 2003 by the EX(pro se) my hubby filed his answer. A few months had passed EX being stupid so hubby filed a Motion for temporary support in order to establish some visitation with his daughter. He contacted a woman that the court house told him to call about setting a court date. The woman told him it would be quicker if they could just come to some kind of agreement. Of course this would be true if the other party was willing. But of course most of you know this is merely impossible. So it sits as is in the courts until January 14, 2005 when the EX amends the divorce papers adding another child to it that she gave birth to in November 23, 2004. The EX went back to work January 14, 2005 and called my hubby to tell him that if he did not pick up both the girls that she would remove them from the babysitters to somewhere else and he would not see his daughter. We talked and agreed to pick them both up. There was NO formula, diapers or bottles in the diaper bag only a few clothes that were soiled with formula. This went on for awhile and when the EX was confronted with it she claimed that the sitter has it. You think? We later find out that she told the sitter not to send anything with my hubby. Child's Best Interests? I think not but what do I know..
We keep both the girls providing them with everything and I mean EVERYTHING. She worked then from 11am to 8pm of course having to leave an hour or so before because she worked out of town. His oldest daughter at the time was going to head start and had to be there at 8am. He would get off work at 4:30 pm and would go pick them up and they would stay with us till she came to get them which was around 10- 10:30pm. Yes kids would be sleeping already but what did she care just as long as she had her OVER NIGHT stays.
I filed my answer and counter petition to the amended divorce papers and also filed a motion for scientific paternity test to be done. Not to prove that the baby was not mine because I already knew that but to prove what a liar the EX was but any who.

March she hires herself a lawyer. Shortly after that they finally get to go to mediation. If that's what they are calling it these days. She was present with her lawyer and there was my hubby by him self (pro se). Think there was any negotiation? None at all it was their way or the highway. But of course then they was asking for $800 and some change CS and the standard shared parenting model (every other weekend and so forth) you guys know the drill. He was not about to agree to go from seeing his girls everyday to next to never. So he signed a piece of a paper not agreeing to nothing and walked out.

Her lawyer filed a motion for temporary support and set a hearing for that and also the scientific paternity test motion. Goes to court as I stated above mother being primary and hubby being the secondary and so forth and my motion for the Paternity test was granted, Had 30 days to get the test done. I went and had that done immediately.($425.00) later. I wished I could have been the fly on the wall when she learned like most Maury Polvichs guest do when they hear that YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER !! What a sight that would have been. But any who .. lol That was at the end of April 2005.

May 4, 2005 after receiving the results of the test the EX decides my hubby no longer will get visitation rights to the baby. She filed a Temporary injunction against him. After he tried to exercise midweek visitation with the girls. That same Wednesday he went and hired an attorney to represent him($1500.00). Now he had to go back and inform his lawyer of this injunction and yet cost another ($750.00) to retain him for this.. Can you say we in the wrong business? Couple weeks pass they go to court and her injunction was denied and the courts finding it all based on denying my hubby visitation. You find anything wrong with this picture. She falsely accused my husband and did not receive anything for it. <shakeshead> if the shoe had been on the other foot my husband probably would have went to jail and almost certain if he hadn't of had a lawyer their on his behalf. But any who back to the basics. Child's best interests?

Let me throw this in there before I go on any further. The EX meets a guy (one of many) in April 2005 becomes pregnant with yet a third child ugh oh am is my hubby going to get popped with this baby as well? lol He contacted his lawyer about this and his lawyer chuckled and asked Is it YOURS? My hubby of course said NO CHANCE of it. His lawyer said it shouldn't have any impact on anything unless the EX had something up her sleeve. He did say if anything it could be used against her. By the way at this point she has no idea that we knew she is pregnant. Child's best interests?

Weeks pass and still being denied visitation my hubby's lawyer filed a motion for contempt and also a motion on the paternity issue..OH and note that her attorney filed a motion to ENFORCE the shared parenting model.. In court his motion for contempt was denied because her lawyer claimed to advise her against letting my hubby see the baby until the final hearing. Now on the OTHER hand their motion to enforce the shared parenting model was ordered. Imagine that.. but once again she got slapped on the hand. My hubby's motion for paternity was granted as him being found the babies legal father by (some case law) and if anyone wishes to challenge these findings could petition the court and that would be dealt with as a whole other case. KEEP in mind Child's best interests..

Still being denied visitation I think we are around September 2005 FINAL HEARING time.. woohoo we going to get some justice? WRONG he got nothing more that what was already granted other than finalizing the divorce. Sad but true.

Here we are today still battling out.. We have the girls Monday, Tuesday 7am to 6pm, , Wednesday from 3:15 until 8pm , Friday, Saturday & Sunday from 7am until 6pm and alternating Fridays from 7am until Sunday at 6pm. The EX has not supplied us with clothing or diapers for the girls up until a week ago then a day here and a day there she will send 5-6 diapers. Clothing if any would be stained, soiled or would have holes. Clothing would not match. No socks, no panties. Sad but true. Shoes would be to small or worn out. We bought his oldest daughter 3 pairs of tennis shoes two pair got sent home with her and we kept one pair here. We bought her 5 complete outfits for school and sent them home with her. We also bought clothes through out the year, I went and picked the oldest daughter up from school and she didn't have on any sock on. I asked her where was her socks and she said that mommy didn't give me any to put on. So I stopped at the store on our way home and bought her some new socks and sent them home with her. My hubby confronted the ex about this the next morning when he went and picked up the baby and the EX stated I could have sworn I gave her a pair of socks. My hubby and I went to the school later on that day and I checked her cubby and yes indeed there was a pair of socks in there. STRETCHED out thin as paper with holes and black as a ace of spades. I don't blame the baby I would have taken them off to.

My hubby and I went on every field trip with his daughter last year, we attended every conference we volunteered in her class room all the time, made her costume for her Christmas play and supplied her with snacks when we learned that she had assigned snack day each month. I asked his daughter one day if she had a snack say at school, she said no but all the other kids do they bring snacks but I don't mommy tells me it's not my day. My husband questioned the EX about this and she stated that yes her snack day is on the 9th of each month. I buy her snacks to take to school but she always forgets. YEA RIGHT!! A child especially a 5 year old may walk out the house naked but sure as heck ain't going to forget them snacks. Proved that. My hubby was taken his daughter to school because we kept her to make rice krispy treats for her snack day. If she asked once she asked a hundred times DADDY WHERE'S MY SNACKS!! We had to keep in touch with the teacher about everything because the EX would mysteriously forget to inform us of any up coming events. The school nor the teacher was hardly able to contact the EX in regards to our daughter. I had to make many of trips to either take her some clothes because she had an accident one time after I just got back home from taking her 4 outfits the were calling me to come get her because she had pooped in those outfits. Well when she got here I looked at the clothing and of course it didn't appear that she messed in them it looked more as if she didn't clean herself good before putting clean ones on. We picked her up twice from school because of head lice the EX picked her up once for it also after calling my husband to see if he wanted to since it was on a Wednesday. But assure you that was just to keep from, having to buy the stuff to treat her hair with and then taking the time to comb through it. Several times we had to go get her because she was sick and running a fever.

More to this to continue>>>

 

[fairisfair]

first of all, this post is WAY too long, stick to the facts and to your questions, and you might want to try really hard to be just one person, you start the post as the new wife, and half way through, you become the bio dad, and then back to being the new wife.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

The girls seem to stay sick when they are with her or in her care for long periods of times, Ear infections, upper respiratory infections, strep throat you name it they have had it. Right before school got out for two months the oldest was on antibiotics. The baby had been on antibiotics for a month. Weekends that we would have then she would forget to put the meds in there. We were unable to contact her by phone because she would screen her calls or her cell phone would be turned off. She only has a cell phone. When she did send it at times and supposedly having been on it for a few days the bottle would be full. I would call the pharmacy and question it. She would tell me the Dr. said this or the Dr. said that call the Dr. and hear a total different story and that has also applied to meds. Saying they wasn't prescribed something when in fact they were. Yes I have documentation and proof of these finding and telephone logs.

His oldest daughter has scars on her face that happened since March of 2005 one across her cheek and her lips where the mother claim that his daughter was suppose to be sitting at the table (that she claims she sits at when the girls are eating dinner) she snuck up the stairs to look at the puppies and fell over the partition they had the puppies in to keep them from running all over the house. The EX never called me to inform me of this nor did she inform that she took her to the Doctor with it. I called my mother a couple of days later and she told me about it. I then went to the EX's to find out about it after not being able to reach her by phone.

A couple of month's later supposedly they were at the EX's parents house the oldest daughter was suppose to be sitting at the coffee table coloring. She was up playing and jumping around when she wasn't suppose to be and fell into the coffee table busting her mouth. Her two front teeth loose due to this, it appeared as if her teeth went through her top lip it was badly bruised. Have pictures of this also. EX never notified hubby of this either.

Ex hit a deer one evening picking up the girls totaling out her car. She called hubby the next morning to ask me what he had to do as far as filing an insurance claim when he wrecked his car. He politely asked her what she was doing calling him asking about something like that for? (note she was still on his insurance at that time) he called the number back on the caller id which was where she was calling from, his mother's house at that. His mother answered and he asked her why the EX needed to know about insurance for. He called his EX on her cell phone and for once she answered. He asked her why didn't you tell me that you got in a wreck and hit a deer she stated it wasn't any of his business and hung up on him.

A few months ago his oldest daughter had a black eye with a small cut on her eye lid. My hubby when seeing this questioned the EX about it and she stated that daughter TOLD her that so and so (some little boy) had a board swinging it and popped her upside the head with it on accident. She claimed the oldest daughter told her that mommy it was a accident because he wasn't looking at me when he hit me. If he did it in purpose he would have been looking at me. Sound like something a 6 year old would say? Doesn't to me but then again who am I.. might if it was coerced.

Oldest daughters first year of public school (head start) 2004-2005 school year she did great had no problems . First year of (kindergarten) 2005-2006 grades were great all (satisfactory) but behavior, respecting school and other's property, following directions, completing work in a timely manner and so forth was not so good she got (U's) through out the entire school year. Teacher stated she would tell her not to do something and while she was still looking at her she would do it anyway's. There was one field trip towards the end of the year that we had already paid for she did not get to go on due to her behavior. The teacher suggested and we all agreed that she shouldn't be aloud to go on it hoping that it would improve her behavior. She spent that particular day in another kindergarten class room and was really good that day. I went and picked her up from school and she was grinning from ear to ear and excited to show me her green ticket. She got like 10 green tickets for the entire school year. Being able to get one everyday and if she has 5 she then gets to buy something out of the treasure box. Most of those tickets she got when she was in our care.

Her mother never went on a field trip with her last year, went to only one conference, never volunteered in the classroom or anything. I felt really bad right before the kids got out for Christmas Holidays. We had been at the school everyday for two weeks helping with their play along with making reindeer sweatshirts with the kids. Her Christmas party was the only thing we didn't go to. WHY? because my youngest sons party was on the same day and we had been their at her school with her for the last two weeks. We asked the EX if she would go to her party she said she would. DID SHE? NO she didn't because she FORGOT!! My kids and his daughter goes to different schools.

In February this year the EX said she was going to see about getting counseling for their daughter because she stated there was stuff in her head that she needed to talk about that she would not talk to with anyone else. Yes leaves us clueless as well. But hey if it helps I am all for it. But in my mind I am thinking the EX is the one that needs counseling not the daughter. But any who she makes and appointment they do a prescreening and we all go Ex wasn't pleased to learn that me the step mom would be there as well. We go and this counselor asks how they could help and of course she brought the girls with her. So the EX speaks up and says that the oldest daughters behavior started in December when my husband I and I got married. I politely spoke and told the counselor that I have report cards, progress reports and what's that test the school does for ADHD? I gave him a copy of all this and she went through the roof. Turned on the tears and the river started flowing. SD behavior started when mommy dearest started denying visitation. SD behavior started when BM started pounding that your daddy is not baby sisters daddy. When SD asked who is sissy's daddy BM would tell her (her current b/f is). She even admitted to saying this in front of the counselor. Also stated that I will NOT lie to my daughter because you are not her bio dad. Your just her legal father. OK did I miss something or did she lie and tell SD that (her present b/f) was baby sisters dad? Needless to say the counselor stood up and said when you all can figure out how we can help then come back because it don't look like we are going to solve anything today. This seems to be the ongoing battle as long as it goes EX's way everything is ok. She will be quick to say NO and that being her answer followed by I am not going to argue and slam the door in his face or hang up on him. Child's best interest taken into consideration? Out of 6 sessions the EX has only been to one. My Hubby and I have take SD to every appointment.

My hubby can do . He not only takes care of his beautiful daughters financially ($525.00 a month CS) he also supports me and my three kids who's father has been in jail for the past year. Without PUBLIC Assistance!! On a net pay of $1806.00 a month so take $525.00 of that off the top and you will get less than $1300.00 a month to live off of. He is supporting 7 of us total. She in return makes right at $1,300.00 a month and an additional $525.00 a month CS that alone totals $1,825.00 not including what her b/f that lives with her makes. And they both share a house with another male that is supposedly a bi sexual. To each their own.

My hubby right after school for out in May he discussed with the EX about transferring their oldest daughter to the school that was located in our district. Explained to her that this school would be better for everyone. As far as her being able to drop her off at school on her way to work at 7:30am and she could get to work on time by 8:00am and SD could ride the bus here with my kids and when she got off work at 5:30pm she could pick up both SD's here at our house. Our school hours are from 7:30am - 1:50pm . Her district school hours are from 8:45am - 3:15pm SD would be in school day care in the mornings for about an hour and 15 mins. and in the afternoon until approx. 6:30pm before EX could get there to pick her up and school day care closes at 6:00pm. We only live like 4 miles away from where EX works, 14 miles away from where she lives and 18 miles away from where SD would be going to school. EX would come here to pick up the youngest SD before being able to pick up the oldest SD. The EX told my hubby after attempting to get an answer from her as to whether or not she would be ok with this and she told him that she would not remove SD from her school just to make it convient for him. OK for one hubby leaves here at 2opm to be to work by 3:00pm in another city. Last year Hubby pick youngest SD at 7:00am round trip 28 miles, I picked oldest SD up from school at 3:15pm round trip 32 miles I then at 6:00pm when the EX got home drove roundtrip 28 miles to take SD's home.

We don't complain at all but when it is visible to the eye as to what is going on here. It's time for someone to take actions. These girls are very well taken care of here financially, mentally & emotionally. They love it here and are very happy and oldest SD cries not wanting to go home begging to stay here. They both love their mother deeply but they both are not getting what the truly need and that is their mother's LOVE and SUPPORT.

" IS THIS IN OUR CHILDREN'S BEST INTERESTS?"What is the name of your state?

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

All very interesting reading. Reminds me of my ex in so many ways... Sorry you are having to deal with this. I commend you guys for always being there and being so involved, despite how difficult Mom is making it.

In all the drama, I lost sight of what your question was... or was this just a vent?

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

first of all, this post is WAY too long, stick to the facts and to your questions, and you might want to try really hard to be just one person, you start the post as the new wife, and half way through, you become the bio dad, and then back to being the new wife.

I noticed that, too. I think this is the stepmom, though.

 

[fairisfair]

I noticed that, too. I think this is the stepmom, though.

you are probably right, but if stepmom is this overinvolved with every situation and every detail, I can already tell you what a big part of the problem is.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

Change in visitation or modification of visitation??

Thanks .. I know the thread was long but in deed there are a lifetime of facts. Can you honestly some it up to one word?

One would say a lifetime was to short!!

But in response to NCP Dad n TN the main question was the Topic.. Change in visitation or a Custody Modification?

and also you are correct it is Step Mom typing with BIO Dad right here with me trying to make this post. So you both would be correct. Very possible to jump back and forth when he is reading and also adding to it.

 

[fairisfair]

Your parenting methods are different than that of your husbands ex wife. Obviously you tend to be much more involved. Kids get sick, and kids get hurt, and some parents don't involve themselves in their child's school the way that many of us think they should. I see nothing in your post however, that indicates that a custody modification is in order. Others may disagree. The only way to truly find out, is to file for it. But honestly, from what you have posted here, your chances are slim at best.

 

[stealth2]

As much as I managed to read (it really is WAY too long and full of irrelevant detail) is irrelevant in terms of changing custody. Dad needs to sit down with a family law attorney to see if he has anything. Somehow, I doubt it.

 

[tigger22472]

I too started to read and could not get very far.

However, what I found extremely funny was that IN BETWEEN the two long posts that obviously was continuation of the first, it was already said that it was too long! lol

OP.. you are not going to get answers with a post this long. You really need to stick to the legal questions and keep it short and sweet.

 

[Halls]

I agree with fairisfair and the others.

I think you sound like a SM who thinks she is better than the mom. I can tell by the pettiness issues. I know a mom like this at my son school. This boy was in my sons class and his mom was never involved and made careless mistakes and bad judgement calls left and right for her son. Thing is, it is her parenting style and that is the way courts see it as well.

I didn't read all of your to long post but from what I read you don't have much to take away custody. Your hubby can always talk to a lawyer to see what they think, but unless this child is being beaten to a pulp, starved to death, etc.. mom is not considered a bad mom to a family court judge.

 

[stealth2]

and also you are correct it is Step Mom typing with BIO Dad right here with me trying to make this post. So you both would be correct. Very possible to jump back and forth when he is reading and also adding to it.

Here's the problem. It makes it impossible to tell if there are issues that Mom is not notifying Dad of, or not notifying stepmom of. And yes, that difference is important.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

awww Thanks guys and gals for your opinions

Can honestly say that after reading other post on here. It's either to much detail or not enough. A no win situation..

We had an attorney. like so many others out there all it did was put a dent in the ole wallet. But then again there is that old saying. Money talks and bullchit walks.

It's not about what's in the child's best interests this day in age obviously. It's about MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!!

1. BIO MOM does NOT inform hubby or myself of anything.
2. My hubby picks his daughters up 7:00 every morning. To exercize back up care. BIO Mom picks the girls up when she gets off work at 6:00pm.
3. She DOES NOT provide anything, no diapers food or anything.
4. They both are fed 3 complete meals a day along with a snack between meals.
5. The ONLY day these girls are not in our care is every other Thursday.
6. He pays faithfully $525.00 a month CS
7. We take them to all of their Doctors appointments.
8. The girls get a bath before BIO Mom gets here because they didn't appear to be getting one at home. Both staying raw, bad body odor or still in the same clothes from the day before.
9. I wash the girls clothing and put the clothing back on them to go home in.
10. I would inform BIO MOM that the girls have had dinner, baths washed clothing and all. also to let her know how their day went.
11. Last 3 days SD had different clothes on but the SAME PANTIES. Ok yes I washed them. they're clean. But what if I hadn't of washed them or given them a bath?

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

All hubby's lawyer kept saying was . "Why do you want to do that when you will get her on the flip side" Speaking of the youngest step daughter that he had the DNA test done, but fought to remain her legal father. She is 19 months now. She denied visitation for over 5 months. She filed a false domestic violence. She was found in contempt of court but due to her lawyer taking the blame that got thrown out. She was inform by 2 different judges and one magistrate 4 times of what was court ordered. She refused to comply until the final judgement. But got her hand slapped everytime.

 

[mommyto4]

Wow to long..

1 thing I wanted to say... they are in THE FATHERS care MOM doesnt have to provide diapers, formula, clothing etc. Thats called being a parent.