Change of Custody DYFS

[abys32]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hudson, NJ
I was divorced in January 2008. Custody of my adopted daughter was shared equally, physical custody with mother. I since moved to Florida. Daughter was removed from mother by DYFS in April 2010 and came to live with me in Florida. DYFS paperwork states one year if mother tests clean. Daughter is still here. After, several months without contact, mother and daughter now talk regularly. Mother has not made attempt to visit or request for visit. We visited NJ last summer, at which time she visited mother's family, including supervised afternoon visit with mother (my own action, no DYFS involvement). Daughter is turning 15 soon and entering high school this year, enrolled here in FL. Doing well in school, top honor roll. She also attends therapy on and off, and continues to need this, IMO, but not hers. Mother is living with boyfriend from AA who has a long history of relapse. My daughter reports that mother is taking college classes and studying to be an addictions counselor and believes mother is doing well. I believe that returning to mother is a bad idea. Mother has made no such request. Daughter has made no such request. I don't know if mother just doesn't want her anymore or has other plans. I think it would be wrong for my daughter to go back to mother based on mother's "status of the moment." Although legal custody remains the same, I think mother will just leave her here as long as I don't request any child support. The current arrangement is fine with me. I don't want to deal with the court or rock the boat by starting a legal change. I am wondering if legal problems could come down the pike or any advice?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hudson, NJ
I was divorced in January 2008. Custody of my adopted daughter was shared equally, physical custody with mother. I since moved to Florida. Daughter was removed from mother by DYFS in April 2010 and came to live with me in Florida. DYFS paperwork states one year if mother tests clean. Daughter is still here. After, several months without contact, mother and daughter now talk regularly. Mother has not made attempt to visit or request for visit. We visited NJ last summer, at which time she visited mother's family, including supervised afternoon visit with mother (my own action, no DYFS involvement). Daughter is turning 15 soon and entering high school this year, enrolled here in FL. Doing well in school, top honor roll. She also attends therapy on and off, and continues to need this, IMO, but not hers. Mother is living with boyfriend from AA who has a long history of relapse. My daughter reports that mother is taking college classes and studying to be an addictions counselor and believes mother is doing well. I believe that returning to mother is a bad idea. Mother has made no such request. Daughter has made no such request. I don't know if mother just doesn't want her anymore or has other plans. I think it would be wrong for my daughter to go back to mother based on mother's "status of the moment." Although legal custody remains the same, I think mother will just leave her here as long as I don't request any child support. The current arrangement is fine with me. I don't want to deal with the court or rock the boat by starting a legal change. I am wondering if legal problems could come down the pike or any advice?

No, you probably don't want to rock the boat.

If something changes, you can file in NJ for a modification of custody to allow the daughter to stay in FL.

The only problem I see involves CS. Is there an existing order for you to pay CS? While logically you wouldn't want to pay if you have the child, that wouldn't make the order void. So if there is an existing order for you to pay CS, you should either file to have it terminated or else go ahead and continue to pay and ask Mom to simply return the money to you.

 

[stealth2]

Advice for what? No one's filed anything, and the kid lives with you. Why invite trouble? Carry on as you are. If she files something, then you go from there.

 

[abys32]

Thanks!

Thank you for the replies. Mistofolees, that is just the kind of thing one might not think about. PS. My 3yo daughter is a Cats fanatic.

 

[single317dad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hudson, NJ
I was divorced in January 2008. Custody of my adopted daughter was shared equally, physical custody with mother. I since moved to Florida. Daughter was removed from mother by DYFS in April 2010 and came to live with me in Florida. DYFS paperwork states one year if mother tests clean. Daughter is still here. After, several months without contact, mother and daughter now talk regularly. Mother has not made attempt to visit or request for visit. We visited NJ last summer, at which time she visited mother's family, including supervised afternoon visit with mother (my own action, no DYFS involvement). Daughter is turning 15 soon and entering high school this year, enrolled here in FL. Doing well in school, top honor roll. She also attends therapy on and off, and continues to need this, IMO, but not hers. Mother is living with boyfriend from AA who has a long history of relapse. My daughter reports that mother is taking college classes and studying to be an addictions counselor and believes mother is doing well. I believe that returning to mother is a bad idea. Mother has made no such request. Daughter has made no such request. I don't know if mother just doesn't want her anymore or has other plans. I think it would be wrong for my daughter to go back to mother based on mother's "status of the moment." Although legal custody remains the same, I think mother will just leave her here as long as I don't request any child support. The current arrangement is fine with me. I don't want to deal with the court or rock the boat by starting a legal change. I am wondering if legal problems could come down the pike or any advice?

Did Mom ever comply with the order and take the drug tests?

 

[abys32]

Drug Test

That's a good question. I have never heard anything about a drug test. I have always underestimated mother's drug/alcohol use. I don't know weather to believe that "doing well" means she is not using anything. Even so, I think she is still set up for failure since her life is intertwined with another chronic drug/alcohol abuser. If either falls off the wagon (assuming they are both clean) they will both go. If mom or daughter requested a visit, I would require limitations and supervision, under the circumstances. I would need a court to tell me otherwise, at which time, I would request a clean drug test prior to any visits. Also, according to daughter, mother used to ask daughter to pee in a jar! So, any test would have to be supervised, somehow. Any idea if a NJ family court would agree with that?

 

[Antigone*]

That's a good question. I have never heard anything about a drug test. I have always underestimated mother's drug/alcohol use. I don't know weather to believe that "doing well" means she is not using anything. Even so, I think she is still set up for failure since her life is intertwined with another chronic drug/alcohol abuser. If either falls off the wagon (assuming they are both clean) they will both go. If mom or daughter requested a visit, I would require limitations and supervision, under the circumstances. I would need a court to tell me otherwise, at which time, I would request a clean drug test prior to any visits. Also, according to daughter, mother used to ask daughter to pee in a jar! So, any test would have to be supervised, somehow. Any idea if a NJ family court would agree with that?

I don't understand why you are rocking a boat that doesn't need to be rocked. Mom is not asking for daughter to come live with. Daughter is happy where she is (not that it really matters).

Don't worry about what does not exist. Really, you can drive yourself crazy doing that.

 

[abys32]

go ahead and continue to pay and ask Mom to simply return the money to you.

I would never send money to mother. She cleared out joint bank account, cleared out her retirement savings, which was court ordered to be divided, and kept money from sale of the house that was supposed to be divided, sold my car somehow. Daughter was subsidized adoption. The check went right to her boyfriend, according to mother's family. She continued to take subsidies after she lost custody. She would never send money back. There seems to be no real recourse. If she actually starts working again, maybe I will pursue it at a later time, or if I am forced to go to court for custody.

 

[stealth2]

Are you ordered to pay support? Do you do so? If not? You're accruing arrearages and interest. Which will not just go away.

 

[mistoffolees]

I would never send money to mother. She cleared out joint bank account, cleared out her retirement savings, which was court ordered to be divided, and kept money from sale of the house that was supposed to be divided, sold my car somehow.

If you have a court order to pay support, you need to do so - no matter how much it hurts you to do so.

Meanwhile, why didn't you file for contempt when Mom kept all the money she was supposed to give you?

 

[single317dad]

There appear to be two separate issues here, but I'm not clear from OP's information whether there are court orders to enforce on either issue.

1) Child's removal from Mom via child services' involvement, and the terms of reunification. If there's a court order tied to this, and Mom hasn't completed the ordered terms, she may not have any recourse until she does. This could vary quite a bit depending on the wording (or existence) of a court order.

2) Child support owed by Dad. Again, no clear answer from OP on whether there is court ordered support in place. If there is, and you're not paying it, that's trouble a-brewing. Get thee to the court of record and modify the order ASAP, and pray you're never prosecuted for the arrears. If not, quiet contemplation may be your best course of action.