change of custody

[alwaystheblame]

hi board, from Penna. here.



I have a custody order in affect for visitation. effective Dec.2001 My teenage daughters live with dad and step-mom. one of my daughters asked me and my husband if she could move in with us. I allowed my daughters to live with whom they chose to at time of divorse since they were both of age to know the difference. no custody papers were filed bcuz ex and I both got along pretty well.

now step-mom has interfierd with so much that all everyone does is argue. like these girls are a pawn. there is so much she has done that it would take to long to explain..beside the point. I always felt I needed to prove myself to my daughters when they came for visits.
thank GOD I kept all my records. I had no choice but to spend my weekends constanley showing and telling them the truth.
I don't understand how a person can be so cruel. the more bad he says about me the more it affects him.

I called our courts and had them send the papers to change the custody with out it being a big ordeal. ex agreed to her moving in.
now last night her told her she couldn't move in with us because before there was a custody order in affect we both told the girls there would be no moving back and forth.just verbal. That was 2 years ago. and the clearly circumstances are different now.
when ex came into the picture, they wouldn't let me see my girls telling me THEY didn't want to see me.and found out they told them I didn't want to see them. so it's always been that way.

so much was going on that my oldest tried to kill herself several times. I then filed for full custody and the custody master said no matter if this has happened we both must be parents and work together on getting her help. I had her put in a hospital and of course they (dad&sm) made me look bad to her again. when all I was worried about is why is she this upset to do this.
last week she told a neighbor she was going to kill herself again,bcuz dad and sm were moving to a real scummy town and making them both change schools.there are 33 days left where they are at. I'm lost on what to do. this man frieghtens me so bad, if he is this way to them.
anyway. the courts said if the child wants to move with one parent then they can unless the other can prove me unfit.
I don't understand why he just can't let them be happy. he's hurting them more than me.
any sugestions? help!!!

 

[FarmerJ]

your best bet is to speak with a family law lawyer and find out what your states laws are for age when a child can request with you to a judge to move from other parents home ( one of my friends teen daughter up here just did that it took 5 minutes in court and was done but that was HERE , so a consultation with a local law firm will be worth ever penny spent

 

[alwaystheblame]

FarmerJ, thanx for your reply..the courts here do say at her age she does have the say.. thanx again..will keep you posted

 

[momscrying]

Your story sounds so much like mine it is scary. My ex hasn't remarried but I have. He has a live in and this makes the 2nd one, and both her and the one before have done the same thing your child's sm has done. The laws in NC are that the judge will take in effect the childs wishes after a certain age, but not always the final factor. I hope that things go well for you, since you have found out that in your state the childs wishes do matter then you need to get it into court. Document everything, I have. I aslo have found that judges here frown on alienation of affection of the other parent. Good luck

 

[alwaystheblame]

momscrying

thank you momscrying for letting some light into my world. I don't think he really understands how this is affecting my girls.. I had them this weekend and the one who wants to move in told me she has been talking to a school employee for quite some time, she wrote this person a letter, and let me read it.. I asked to make a copy of it she said yes, I feel so bad to have done that but she so afraid to talk to him..so sad and it makes me so upset she is afraid to even come home from school. of fear she done something wrong again.
now in our custody papers it says not to alienate the other parent and he and sm do this constantly. also, we are supose to discuss and decide together important decission..I find this extremly important.
my daughters say alot of things they say and they both were told they will need to take the stand (if it goes to court) and tell them bad things about me.. they say they dont have anything bad to say and my other daughter (doen't want to come) said her sister will have a better life with me..
will the judge take this into affect? I'll keep you posted.. and I am saving and documenting everything.. thanks..

 

[momscrying]

Hi, Its me again, and I am still crying, for you as well as for me. Our stories are so identical it is unreal. I read your posts to my husband and he was suprised as well as I was at how the two situations are so alike when we are miles apart. My daughter was at school when her dad took her back after living with me so long. The school principal, asst. principal, secretary, and counslor saw what was going on. They too can't believe that some one could do this to a child they are supposed to love. My daughter has not tried suicide yet. I have been worried about this though, she told me before he took her back that she would runaway if she had to go back there to live. She can't stand the soon to be step-mom(if that actually happens). It does hurt the children for the other parent to down the other. We are part of them, a part that (the other parent) can't be taken away from them. I too have 2 daughters- and one of them doesn't want to live with me. That is hard for me too. But I am with you, I didn't want to hurt them so when they told me they were happy with their dad, I didn't try to ruin that for them. But now, I expect him to do the same thing. I want to keep in touch with you on this. I am glad to know that I am not alone in this situation. I will be your shoulder and you can be mine. We are supposed to go to the mediator on Thursday of this week. I don't think we are goiing to be able to agree though because it is and always has been his way or no way. Well I am tired of being kicked around and I am not going to take it anymore. YOU NEED TO FEEL THE SAME.

 

[alwaystheblame]

momscrying, all I can say is wow!!! I can't believe there are other fathers out there only worried about themselves.
I too wanted my children happy and allowed them to live with dad. after all we both are there parents and I don't think bcuz I'm mommy that I should be selfish and have them b with me. they both were age 11 and 12 at the time. old enough to understand. I've sent my ex. 3 e-mails to try to comunicate with him. he still doesn't respond. my daughters say he print them out as proof.. well if you would like to read them I'll forward to you.. [email protected]
I called our court house today and yet again have a custody packet coming.. I'm not sure what to do here. my oldest will be 16 in Oct. very imature and is sexual with boys and always wants to kill herself if things don't go her way.. she I try to get her.. being she has lived with him since 99 and still hasn't been to the dentist.. she wears glasses and doesn't have them... isn't her being taken care of properly what really matters... she has to much freedom...and not enough dad time.. he doesn't spend time with them or anything... but I am afraid she will hurt herself or run away... I don't know what the courts will say... but clearly she isn't being raised right... help.. e-mail me anytime...

 

[alwaystheblame]

oh, one more thing....
how it works in Penna.
1st you go to a custody hearing in front of a custody officer....if we agree it's over..no kids testimony allowed
2nd... we hire lawyers to state our case to custody master..and kids are allowed at this time to voice their oppinions.. if we still don't agree..
3rd.. we go to court and have this he did/she did crap.. and then a judge will decide..

if you call your court house that juristiction is in they will tell you all that for free... it should be Prothonotary at your court house you need to talk to.. good luck.. will keep you posted.

 

[alwaystheblame]

just talked to my daughter

I just talked to my daughter and she finally talked to her father about wanting to move in...again.. to better explain why she wants to come her. he said he wanted her to talk to a councelor.(only seeing one bcuz of a neighbor calling school.) but anyway at least they are... he said if the councelor agrees then he will allow he to move with me.. how do I know if he's telling the truth. isn't what she tells them confident. and this is a councelor not a phychotheripist.