change of venue turned custody case

[danaaguirre2005]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA


HI, I am troubled by the way my ex boyfriend handled court. I moved to orange county, ca. My ex knew that i was looking for a job down here and he was also aware of my residence. I had filed custody papers back in Jan. 2004 for our 18 month daughter. At that time neither one of us was aware of a set court date, so the court denied my motion for custody. I was just informed that when i refiled in Nov. 2004 that the papers i had file in Jan 2004 were pretty much void. So for the past year we have been practicing custody as every other weekend. Now when he found out that i was moving to Orange County he was od with it. He and I both agreed that in the mean time of my job search we would alternate weeks. He was also informed it would only be that way until i found employment. On 12/17/2004 we were in court for a change of venue. I requested one for the fact i dont have any transportation of my own to travel 4 hours for court. On the above date i had to borrow my boyfriends car. At this time my ex and i live about 2 hours diffrent. Now he is on SSI for his eye and hearing problems. He lives in a one bedroom apt. and its now a bad place.

In court on the 17th of Dec. I was not accompied by and lawyer because i didnt need one for the change of venue. He and his mother hired a lawyer so attend with them. At this time I am afraid of what is going to happen. As we approched the judge, again i was alone, his lawyer stated that there be a drug test take by me, and that our daughter be surrendered to the father due to me living in a motel. In which case i did not. I have my own residence. I was informed by a lawyer that because there was no custody case that my ex has every legal right to her as do i. I was very afraid that he would take my baby from me. The lawyer suggested that i loose all contact with my ex. Phone Numbers, residence, everything. So I did. All that got me was my ex to be angry. That caused him to hire a lawyer. Now the judge ordered that he and i shared sole and legal custody of our child. I dont see that he is fit to handle her nor do i think that he is physically able ( due to his disibility) to care for her. He smokes, drinks in his home while our child is there. I dont know if there is any way that i can stop that from happening while she is there. I can say that because of his disibilities he can not drive or even be out during the night. I am afraid that even if its not that dark he can still walk or drive with her in the car. I dont want him to be stranded with her and not be able to see where hi is going.

My Question is how can i get full custody of our daughter and limit his visitations due to his disibilites? And can SSI make him pay me some kind of child support?

Dana

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Dana, how did you think that moving further away was going to solve the problems for sharing custody especially if you don't have transportation?
A person with a disability has a right to have a relationship with their child and if driving were a requirement many custodial parents would not have custody. What about people who live in places like NYC where many people never own cars or learn to drive? Are they not entitled to their children? What county has jurisdiction?

 

[danaaguirre2005]

Dana, how did you think that moving further away was going to solve the problems for sharing custody especially if you don't have transportation?
A person with a disability has a right to have a relationship with their child and if driving were a requirement many custodial parents would not have custody. What about people who live in places like NYC where many people never own cars or learn to drive? Are they not entitled to their children? What county has jurisdiction?

I moved away to better my life. Where i lived before there little to no jobs available. I dont want to have this problem with him. I want him to be in our childs life i just think that he should only have limited visitations. I dont have a vehicle because he took it. I dont have a problem going the drop off spot i have a problem sharing physical custody. I think I should have full physical and share legal. I just want what is best for my child. I think that her being with me is the best place for her. As far as jurisdiction, my previous county had it. I feel that everyone is entitled to visitation. However, if the environment is not healthy for the child there should some kind of arrangements made where the child is safe.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You don't get to make all the decisions.
Please answer the quesiton, what county has custody, don't just tell me again, the countly you moved from, I already knew that?

 

[danaaguirre2005]

You don't get to make all the decisions.
Please answer the quesiton, what county has custody, don't just tell me again, the countly you moved from, I already knew that?

No i dont get to but i do have say in it. Fresno county. However, i feel that the county in which you are demanding is irrelivent to the original post.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

No i dont get to but i do have say in it. Fresno county. However, i feel that the county in which you are demanding is irrelivent to the original post.

Well, I'm trying to look at it from the eyes of the judge and the best interest of the child.
You made the move to better yourself, not your child,
you made a move that makes travel difficult for both parents and limits visitation
If you wanted to better yourself why not move up to Stockton or Sacramento or the Bay Area, all of which offer excellent opportunities and within travel by public transit?
Could it be that instead of moving to make it better for your child, it was to put you closer to your new boy friend? Does he live in OC?

 

[LdiJ]

The bottom line is that you need to find employment in an area closer to where you previously lived, and you need to get an attorney to properly represent you.

 

[danaaguirre2005]

Well, I'm trying to look at it from the eyes of the judge and the best interest of the child.
You made the move to better yourself, not your child,
you made a move that makes travel difficult for both parents and limits visitation
If you wanted to better yourself why not move up to Stockton or Sacramento or the Bay Area, all of which offer excellent opportunities and within travel by public transit?
Could it be that instead of moving to make it better for your child, it was to put you closer to your new boy friend? Does he live in OC?

where i am and who i am with now is no ones business. the people who need to know know. when i say to better myself, that includes my kids. they are my life. if youhave any idea what this man put me through in the past 3 years.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Think what you want, you will have to answer the judges questions, because they get to make the decisions now, not you. So if you moved hundreds of miles away to be with your new boyfrined, to make visitation difficult and using the excuse of moving to better yourself, won't cut it. The judge will see right through it. So don't get an attitude here and especially with the judge, because they will not only decide visitation and custody and it may not be what you want.

 

[karma1]

Wait a sec here...

Mediation is a requirement before court and as soon as papers are filed--you get a mediation date right then....
so---
no one showed up for mediation?

And, if I remember correctly--you also get a court date at time of filing too---first mediation, then court...

Something doesnt add up here.....the other party has to be served appropriately too after filing....

 

[danaaguirre2005]

Mediation is a requirement before court and as soon as papers are filed--you get a mediation date right then....
so---
no one showed up for mediation?

And, if I remember correctly--you also get a court date at time of filing too---first mediation, then court...

Something doesnt add up here.....the other party has to be served appropriately too after filing....

When we went to court a few weeks back, his lawyer suggested that the court not give mediation. Im not sure if I can go back to court and request a mediation... Is that possible?

 

[SMURFEELAW]

When we went to court a few weeks back, his lawyer suggested that the court not give mediation. Im not sure if I can go back to court and request a mediation... Is that possible?

Did his lawyer suggest it b/c you and dad have a history of not being able to agree, if so I would say mediation may be a waste of time in this case. If you two CANNOT agree why waste time and $$ let a judge decide the next 18 years of both of your lives along with the childs'.

 

[danaaguirre2005]

Did his lawyer suggest it b/c you and dad have a history of not being able to agree, if so I would say mediation may be a waste of time in this case. If you two CANNOT agree why waste time and $$ let a judge decide the next 18 years of both of your lives along with the childs'.

Maybe, but he and i can talk fine as long as there is no one to intimidate him. Or if he doesnt have to show off to anyone. He has always been that way. When his mom is around she pretty much tells him what to say. When we broke up she told me, " I cant believe anything you tell me about him, I cant believe that you brought him back to me, I thought i was rid of him for good". That made me feel like crap. I was really upset about that. Now she is mad at me about dropping him off with her, this is how she repays me. His disibilities dont allow him to drive at night so i had to take him to her house. If he has company at his house and i call he is rude. I have several papers that i printed of the internet, all the instant messages and emails he had sent to me. They are not nice. I think that if we went to mediation it would help us communicate better and his mom cant put in her 2 cents.

 

[karma1]

again, a little confused here....

When we went to court a few weeks back, his lawyer suggested that the court not give mediation. Im not sure if I can go back to court and request a mediation... Is that possible?

who did this lawyer suggest that court not give mediation to?
I was always under the impression that mediation is court ordered/required/have to do in CA before you ever see the judge....when anything is filed in family court, you get an immediate notice of mediation....
unless any of these filings were ex parte?????

 

[danaaguirre2005]

who did this lawyer suggest that court not give mediation to?
I was always under the impression that mediation is court ordered/required/have to do in CA before you ever see the judge....when anything is filed in family court, you get an immediate notice of mediation....
unless any of these filings were ex parte?????

The lawyer suggested it to the judge. My ex and his mother took it upon themselves to hire this lawyer. I just don't understand why they brought him in to a change of venue hearing. The judge was just a lawyer standing in as a judge, so i don't know if maybe thats why. I did have a conversation with his lawyer alone and he was not very polite. I understand that he was not representing me but i was myself. All i needed was to have my case transfered to OC and then i would have been able to maybe compramise with my ex a little better. But i want into court knowing nothing. I do plan to modify the case after it is all filled. I feel that his mother has most of the say in his decision making. As i said before I feel like she has no say in this matter.