changeing custody

[katbird]

My fiance and i have custody of my teenage daughter and we would like to give custody of her to her father. He has agreed to this and is willing to take her. We decided this because she is out of control and refuses to abide by our rules and we can no longer tolerate her behavior, as we have 4 other childrenin the home that we feel will be compromised by her behavior. We have tried all acceptable forms of dicsipline with her, but she is rebellious and refuses to conform to our rules. We feel her father would have a better chance of getting her back in control. he would have only her to deal with in a one on one basis. She is totally against living with her father though and says she will runaway if I make her go there. The reason she gives for this is she doesn't want to move away from her friends and her highschool. what do i have to do to go about getting this change of custody accomplished and will a judge take her refusal to go into consideration based upon her reasons? also do we have to have this matter resolved in the same county that iwas first decreed? we live in ohio. any help or advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank You
Katbird

 

[janM]

I don't know if her opinion will be a factor, but in my case, my son's ex-girlfriend decided to give temporary custody of their son to his father (my son) and all they had to do was sign a letter with their intentions in front of a notary, take it to the courthouse where it was filed (for a $50 fee) and have a hearing with the judge (which apparently is at the end of this month). We are in Ohio also.
As far as I understand, you have to conduct all court business in the county where custody was first granted, but check that one out. Good luck.

 

[katbird]

thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice, we want to get this done by the time the new school year starts in August. She is really starting to stress me out so much. She refuses to do anything I tell her.

 

[Grandma B]

Is this a young teen or an older one? Any counseling been done?

If she's so set against living with her father, might she be willing to modify her behavior to avoid it?

You are correct that her actions will have an effect on the younger children. Once you've exhausted all other avenues, and maybe you already have, the change in custody might be just what the child needs. Good luck to you all!

 

[katbird]

Re: teen daughter problems

This girl is 16 and she has stolen my credit card and used it to buy things from stores to the total of 300.00 and then she forged my name on 2 checks which was over 150.00. She misses the bus for school atleast 3 times aweek and with 3 children still in the house to take care of I cannot always drive her to school untill after 9 as I have one that doesn't leave the house until 8:50 for the bus. And she refuses to help around the house with chores. She failed two classes and will have to repeat the 10th grade. She will not get a job because she doesn't want to work at any of the local places that are hiring, she put an application into taco bell, but never heard from them. She wants a car and licesence. But doesn't have a job to get her insurance or buy gas, plus with her temper I am afraid to put her behind the wheel of any vehicle. SHe has threatened her 13 year old sister several times that shew will hit her in the face. She is controlling and bossy with her younger sisters and brother. She calls me a bitch and tells me that i am not a good mother. She threatened to punch me in the face. She had couonselling when me and her father diviorced. She was 8 at the time the bills piled up and her father refused to help me pay for them. We already have one child that is on ritalin that insurance won't covwer so we have her medical bills to pay. My son had dental surgery and we have about 200.00 to pay on that bill. He cut his finger and had to have a skin graft so we have 1500.00 to pay that the insurance won't cover on that. Then he will need eye surgery for lazy eye later this summer and we don't have vision insurance but hopefully major medical will take care of most of that. So as of right now counselling just won't be an option, as we cannot afford any more bills and her father doesn't pay child support as he is on medical retirement. He does care insurance on the girls but if the treatment would exceed medical allotment then I would have to pay out of pocket myself as her father wouldn't help. Nad her only oppposition to living with her father is that she would have to leave her school and her friends here. She told me if her father lived here she would move in with him in a heartbeat. She wanted to be an only child so I am giving her her wish. We feel for the sake of the other children this the only option. We also feel that getting her away from the friends she is hanging with here would also be a big benefit because we feel they have a great influence on some of the things she is doing. Besides since she is already flunking 2 classes at her highschool here maybe a change of school would also benefit her. And her father is living by himself and could give her the one on one she needs. So that is the situation i am dealing with for now. We have given her the choice of living with her father and straightening out and making something of her life before it is to late oir going to juvey to face forgery charges. So I am hoping that she will understand the gravity of the situation and make the best of it with her father.

 

[Ambr]

this is easy for me to say and hard for you to think about, i am sure.

my brother has a stepdaughter who was doing those exact things. she was a sophmore in high school. she was flunking out. would run home to grab the letters from the mailbox from the school. when one of the teachers finally called, it was to late. she was flunking. she wrote check after check on their account. it got to were they would go to sleep at night with their wallets and checkbooks in the bed with them. she came and went as she pleased. she would sneak out of the house or just come in when she felt like. in her view - they owed her a car and to pay for everything.

my brother and his wife decided on tough love. when she wrote a hot check, the prosecuted. when it came back to her, they were given the chance to back out of the prosecution. they were going to do it until she cussed her mom and spit in her face. they told them to prosecute her. they wouldn't pay for her attorney either. she was forced to get one through the system and to work things out on her own.

she realized how hard it was to do anything without the help of mom and dad. everything was on her juvenile record so nothing will follow her through life. she is on probation and has to work off the restitution.

she called them and apologized for her behaviour in the past and was crying her eyes out. they are much better now - thank god.

 

[katbird]

Teen troubles

We were going to prosecute her but after careful thought and alot of prayers we felt that giving her a chance to make herself a better life with her dad was the first step then if she screws up there with him she knows that he will not hesitate to prosecute her. She has this one chance to better herself and be a honest citizen or else that is it she will spend time in juvey. And what I cannot for my life figure out is how this all started because neither I or anyone in the family ever stole anything. She has to be learning this behavior from her friends. She has been in church since she could walk, and we try so hard to teach her morals. But I guess so kids are just rebellious by nature. God does things for a reason I suppose, but what the reason is I sure can't figure out. He has something He thinks can benefit me I'm sure by all this but what i don't know. Katbird aka momto5kids

 

[Ambr]

in my brother's case - she told him that it was her way of getting attention. my brother has two other children, younger and require a little more attention. she felt like she was being ignored and pushed off to the side. so her acting like a juvenile delinquent got her the attention that she wanted. although it was negative attention, it was attention.

 

[katbird]

teenage daughter

I figure some of it is an attention getting thing but I also feel some is due to the friendships she is in.She has one friend has admitted to me that she stole money from her mom's purse because she wanted to do something and her mom said we don't have th money right now, so she stole the money so she could do it. My daughter sees things she wants and knows that are funds are limited so she takes the money anyway she can to get the things she wants. She refuses to work although she is 16. She only wants to get a job at places that she knows aren't hiring. She is determined to do what she wants regardless of the consequences. She said she would move in with her dad if He lived in the same town as us, but she doesn't want to leave her friends she has here, but I think they are a major source of the behavior she is exhibiting, she refuses to bring many of them to the house. She says it is because the small children have toys all over and she thinks that it is mesy, but you should see her room talk about messy. Anyway i think that is just an excuse she is using, as she knows that I am a fairly good judge of character and when I meet someone I can tell most generally what type of person they are from talking to them for just a few minutes. And she is afraid to bring her friends here because of what I might find out about them. She does bring a few friends over now and then and those seem like nice girls from what i have seen so far. It is probably coming from the others that she hangs out with. It is a sad situation but hopefully this time with her dad will make her see what she has done and what she could be facing in the future if she doesn't make some changes. As far as the classes she failed she did tell me she was having problems in one of them but the other I was unaware of. She only failed the last semester in the classes, but that still is not good. She does do her best at school otherwise.I am just thinking alot of this is my friends have it and I want it and I am going to get it no matter what, because alot of the purchases was of name brand expensive clothing that all her friends have. I know myself as a teenager i wanted the things that all the other kids had but I also know tha t we just couldn't always afford those things. I learned to accept it and took what was given to me. But she has always had a hard time accepting things as they are. She was always a very demanding child even at the age of 3. She thinks that we are doing this to her to be mean, but what she doesn't understand is the fact remains that if I buy my clothes and the other kids clothes at walmart then she will not get hers at Elder Beerman or Kohl's. If she wants the things at Elder Beerman or Kohl's then she will need to gwet a job and buy them herself. But she thinks the world revolves around her and qwe owe her a living. Tha t is the whole thing in a nut shell.

Katbird 1022 aka momto5kids